WWYD grandmother looking after daughter overnight

[otchayaniye]

This is more of a WWYD and I?ve half answered my question typing this out. But I thought I?d canvass opinions. I?ve got a friend?s 40th in a posh hotel and it will go on until late - 3-4 am. She?s flying in from abroad and has given us ample warning. I really do want to go and want to be there with her and our friends.

Initially her grandmother (MIL) offered to take her for overnight. She?s been clamouring to do this for ages and ages and at 2 years and 2 months (and no longer breastfed to sleep) I thought she might be ready. She knows grandma well, loves her, and sees her for a good few hours every week as my husband visits his parents each week on one day I work.

Anyway. All fine I thought but now the actual date is approaching I?m feeling nervous. She cares for her husband, who has Parkinsons and although I don?t think it will be a competition for attention (she ignores him!) it?s left her a bit frazzled. I worry that if my daughter says she wants to go home or has trouble going to sleep (she?s a bad sleeper) it will all go a bit wrong. She has two large dogs ? pointers ? who have been fine around her, but hey, they are dogs and grandma lets her wander about the place. Ultimately, the biggest thing that worries me is that she?s 2 hours away in the countryside (we?re in SE London) and if the weather turns we could have bother getting to her.

Other options are getting a friend who has offered to sleep on our couch and one of us be late for the dinner as we get her to sleep/introduce said friend. But I worry that if she wakes up (she sometimes does, and recently a lot) she?ll see friend and freak out. That said I used a babysitter on a holiday recently ? she hadn?t even met her but was able to get her back to sleep without a problem (apparently)

Last option is use a sitter agency. Any recs? Are sitters.co.uk any good? Would they stay until early hours? This with this option is that I could get back in 20 mins if it all kicks off.

My husband is thinking along similar lines. Initially ?that?s fine? then thinking more, erm, maybe not. It?s hard though top get a sense of whether you?re being a bit precious if you?ve rarely used babysitters. Yes, I know go with your gut, but what if your gut is off kilter!

Thanks for your advice.

You know what op? You clearly have genuine worries about leaving your DD with MIL. Will you actually enjoy this party at all if you leave DD? I'm hedging my bets that you won't.

I wouldn't leave my 2ry old with a 'good friend' unless my child knew them well. I wouldn't get a stranger in either.

In your circumstances, if you really don't feel happy with leaving DD with granny then I would cancel the party and explain to your friend that you don't have a babysitter. Either that, or just one of you go, or go for half the night each.

Aitch - there's you wanting to dig her out (bless) and at the same time quite a few Mums probably praying they'll keep them over night (love you too :) )

Otch - I really am sorry about your Mum :(

About Grandma, IF you had said ALL of that in your OP, I think that quite possibly many of the replies would have been quite different. Only you know the full picture -do what you and DH are happiest with. Given all of the 'updates' I think I would go for 'friend' is he's willing - I would relax more.

I babysit, but I'm not in London (sorry), I would stay over (even on the couch) rather than leave at 3 or 4 in the morning if I had to use public transport, especially at this time of the year. Do you think you can get a sitter with a car so that going home will be do-able? Or could you offer them a spare bed/couch? If you post on the childcare board one of the regulars might be free to sit for you?

It would be terrible not to go after you have had so much notice and when she is flying in for her party - all because of not having a babysitter (it would be different if you or DD were ill).

Ask your friend or use the agency - I sit through 2 agencies, we aren't all monsters and most of us are quite able to calm an upset toddler x

I don't for one minute think that babysitters are monsters but you have to look at it from a 2yr old's perspective who has never been left by her parents' before. It might be quite upsetting for her and I wouldn't risk it.

some of them were stuck there all night... school called the Hilton hotel and they promptly despatched duvets and egyptian cotton sheets.

I did leave her with a trusted babysitter in Mykonos for two nights (she was fasto when we went out) in our villa and she did wake up on one of those nights but settled quickly - whaddya know! I wouldn't have expected that. But I felt comfortable doing this as we were 10 minutes away.

Regarding the weather, I'll take a view nearer the time.

Thanks Chipping. I'm sorry for the drip, didn't want to post a 100 line OP. I think Grandma will be fine not perfect but fine and I'll see how she's feeling nearer the time. She does bring joy and she's been looking forward to this.

It's a lavish private dinner at the Dorchester and further entertainment later. I really don't want to miss it and my friend (in Saudi, so looking forward to a drink and catch up with me, her best friend, will be gutted if we don't go)

lol at 'lavish private dinner at Dorchester'. OP, you are a HOOT. have a brilliant time, make sure to have a babysitting plan b in case of Weather.

If I did get a babysitter who was willing to stay later I would provide a bed and/or a taxi home and pay double daily rate or whatever. But that's academic. Haven't actually picked up the phone so wouldn't know how I felt until I did (if that makes any sense)

Believe me, when you've moved from SE Asia to SE London and have been breastfeeding every 2 hours round the clock and generally being a hermit, the offer of a 'lavish private dinner at the Dorchester' is too much to turn down ;)

Maybe tautologous description.

Re the Pointers, I can assure you that there is as much correlation between a dog being aggressive to another dog and a dog being aggressive to a human as there is between someone who is scared of heights not being able to swim.

The two issues, dog-aggression and human-aggression, are entirely seperate. I do hpe however that your MIL has addressed the issues between the Pointers, for their sakes.

OP you are overthinking this. Your baby isn't a baby any more, she is two. She can talk and she can understand what her grandma says to her. Let her go to Grandma, she'll be fine and she can go again in future. The relationship with a grandparent is important to a child an you should allow it to develop. If you are worried about the dogs, have a word with MIL about the dogs. The DC will be fine.

a tad. have a terrific time!

Thanks. Yes, we (because these are just my doubts, they are my husband's too) are being a bit precious.

Thanks Valhalla re the dogs, I didn't know that. I know bugger all about dogs as I've only been in a position to have cats. I do like them and although boisterous and one of them particularly headstrong, they are lovely - to look at and to be with. My daughter sometimes shies away from them (they are big, so their tales whip her face) but doesn't hate them or shows fright.

I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks for the outside perspective (and you for being gracious Chippingin) everyone.

Can MIL stay at yours for the night instead? (perhaps already been suggested, didn't read every single one)

Thanks Camper, not really, she's a carer for FIL who is very frail with Parkinsons, sadly. Middle of the bleedin countryside about 40 mins up windy roads from motorway. That's why weather is a factor.

My mother on the other hand lives 8 miles away. But is too busy.

"although boisterous and one of them particularly headstrong, they are lovely..."

otch, as a rescuer who believes in the phrase "Blame the deed, NOT the breed" and whose heart aches and breaks at any form of breed specific legislation I do my best not to generalise about any breed. However, in the case of most Pointers (and Springers and Irish Setters) I will make an exception. There is a reason why these breeds are often boisterous, whippy-tailed and headstrong.

BECAUSE THEY ARE AS MAD AS CHEESE! :o

Just my thoughts:
could you say the dogs are playing on your mind, could she keep them in the kitchen or make sure your daughter is closely supervised around them.
Give grandma a snuggly fleecy jumper of yours to wear with your perfume on it. If d wakes keep her in a dimly lit room with grandma in said fleece and some familar story books/cuddly toys. She might take longer to get back to sleep, but whats the worst that can happen if grandma is prepared with distractions. She'll be too tired to get upset for long.
The cold snap is not going to happen instantly. If youre out and discover that its snowing heavily and you are genuinely are worried about reaching your dd the next day, then you'd hop in a taxi and pay the driver the exorbitant price. Its not going to happen and would be cheaper then a babysitter anyway!
If you think about it longer term, youd be far better building bonds with grandma...

Yep, I have decided to go with original plan to take her to grandparents. I'll pack her books and a couple of DVDs and explain what's happening. Will leave any dog talk (hahah Valhalla at the 'mad as cheese' comment) to my husband as I'm working that day and he'll be driving up.

If the weather does go tits up I have a contingency plan.

Thanks for holding my hand.

Oh that's a happy ending

Nothing to add except "insufferable termagant" is the best (tongue in cheek -surely) insult I have seen on MN in a while.

I will file it away for a later date!

I've had to Google both tautologous and termagant

Have a good night, OP.

If your MIL has a good relationship with your DD, go for that option.

As for having trouble settling her if she wakes, don't forget, your MIL is also your DH mother, and has been a mother far longer than you have. Give her credit for the (assumed) great job that she did with your DH!

Don't worry, and have a GREAT time!

Bunch of tautologous termigants, the lot of you.