Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in not wanting this woman in my home watching me?

97 replies

garrowismylaw · 12/12/2010 21:49

After yet another meeting with the school Family resource worker has informed us that
A)she will be coming to our home to 'observe' us as a 'family unit'
B) suggested we go to her parenting classes

AIBU in not wanting any of this because basically she is very young, not married and has no children herself so how can she possibly 'know' us.

Have gone along with and in fact have bent over backwards with everything the school and ED Physc have proposed for past 3-4 years. But cannot bear the idea od a stranger 'watching' us in own home.
Makes me feel like some kind of criminal...or worse.

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 12/12/2010 22:20

who is assessing for ASD problems?

scottishmummy · 12/12/2010 22:26

instead of deriding staff examine what in your situation warrants more staff input.

a member of staff can be competent whether or not married,young or parent

blocking staff for spurious reasons of age/parental status isnt really going to achieve anything - unless you want mature married mammie.and thats not going to guarantee quality interaction

Original poster
garrowismylaw · 12/12/2010 22:30

We had a meeting with school on Friday...it was awful.
Both DH and I came out feeling deflated and blamed. Headmaster seems intent on excluding DS1 and just keeps pointing out his negative behaviour all the time. Kept telling us that teachers and pupils in any other school would have given up on DS by now and we should be eternally grateful for their patience with him.
DS is being assessed by a specialist at local hospital after I got fed up with school just pointing out his bad behaviour and took him to local GP myself. When I informed school re this visit to Gp they seemed suprised. They seem to think he is just 'naughty'. They don't seem to want to accept that, although his behaviour has been the same since he was 2 there is nothing medically or physcologically wrong. Only Ed Phys seem on our side as she has been involved since he was at nursery.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 12/12/2010 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 12/12/2010 22:35

can you ask them to explain the assessments and observation. to be clear and explicit what involved and what they will do with the findings.why is this recommended

masochismTangoer · 12/12/2010 22:38

If you are not happy with the home observation - then declined it saying you will wait for the assessed by a specialist at local hospital then re-asses the situation and see if you feel it is necessary then.

I do not see how they can force you to have one - though perhaps if you do not they may be even less tolerant of your DS behavior in school.

masochismTangoer · 12/12/2010 22:39

scottishmummy
can you ask them to explain the assessments and observation. to be clear and explicit what involved and what they will do with the findings.why is this recommended

That would definitely be the way to go if you do feel you need to go ahead with the assessment.

scottishmummy · 12/12/2010 22:41

home assessment,not mandatory but id be asking as parent why it is requested or deemed necessary

is it the specific staff undertaking assessment you have misgivings about or the actual home assessment

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/12/2010 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
garrowismylaw · 12/12/2010 22:48

I have no problem with the assessnents. They are basically to find out if he has Aspergers. I want to know more than anyone, in order to move forwards as ATM he has no social life whatsoever. He does have a few friends at school but, as Head seem to relish pointing out to us, they are few.
I will go to see specialists, allow people to observe DS in school, even attend parenting classes, but having someone watch me in my own home just seems too much. I feel like Winston in 1984.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 12/12/2010 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 12/12/2010 22:53

home visit and family work are hugely informative in an assessment.given a lot of work will be undertaken and supported by family too.they need to see his normative everyday environment

have you indicated this feels intrusive,who do you feel able to talk tp

taintedsnow · 12/12/2010 23:02

I think if this has a chance at helping your DS, you need to get over any weirdness at having someone in your home watching you. The fact that she is young and doesn't have children is completely irrelevant, though I do understand why that's hard for some people to accept.

It seems from what you've said that any kind of conflict with the school could be quite destructive for your relationship with them, so I think for the sake of your DS, you may have to grin and bear it. And while I do understand why you feel the way you do, the potential benefit to your DS must outweigh any weirdness you have about this person coming into your home.

maryz · 12/12/2010 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KangarooCaught · 12/12/2010 23:10

If you are finding the HT 'difficult', might it be a good idea to meet with the family resource worker, find out what the assessments involve and get her on side, working for you and ds?

KangarooCaught · 12/12/2010 23:11

But wouldn't like it either.

Original poster
garrowismylaw · 12/12/2010 23:11

It just feels like a really bad time as marriage breaking up....not a good time to have stranger in home watching IYSWIM.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 12/12/2010 23:14

so this isnt completely about the home assessment then

classydiva · 12/12/2010 23:16

She obviously has experience, guidelines and an education behind her.

Obviously feels something is amiss in your home.

Albeit I would be pissed too.

Original poster
garrowismylaw · 12/12/2010 23:36

Ordinarily I would go along with the home visits but ATM things are awkward to put it mildly.
Don't get me wrong, we don' argue in front of DCs but it's pretty obvious to an outsider that there is tension in the air between DH and me.
So having someone watch my marriage fall apart then report back to school just fills me woth dread. Just one thing too much ATM.

OP posts:
taintedsnow · 12/12/2010 23:37

I agree on the bad timing thing, and I don't blame you at all for feeling that way for that reason. But I do feel the potential good outweighs the bad here.

Danthe4th · 12/12/2010 23:40

She may well be losing her job in march as thats as far as her budget goes so you shouldn't have to put up with her for long!!

Original poster
garrowismylaw · 12/12/2010 23:46

Thank God for that.

OP posts:
onmyfeet · 13/12/2010 09:08

SS may be able to help with that tension in the air you mention, with some couple counseling? This visit could be just what you need to help, it is often difficult to see it from the onside as there are so many underlying issues.

I wouldn't like it either, but I would do it. Your ds may be happy and excited to have her visit him, let him help make her a "special" tea tray?
Good luck, I hope things get better for your family really soon.

Bucharest · 13/12/2010 09:13

I don't understand. You say the school are assessing him/working with him and you didn't know about it, then you say you have given your consent, then you say you have been to the GP to ask for help and the school just think he's naughty.....which is it?

Let people help you- schools, GPs. They aren't doing it for the sake of it, or to give you hassle. They are doing it because there is obviously a problem for your child.