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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to report him missing

92 replies

frazzell · 11/12/2010 22:52

I've been trying to speak to my brother for the last 3 days unsuccessfully, he's ignored both my phone calls and my texts. I spoke to my sister the other night who'd also tried to phone him but she hadn't spoke to him either. So today I went round to his flat but there was no-one, I saw his neighbour and she said she hadn't seen him either although she said she'd been away and only got back last night. He's a student so there's no work for me to check with.
Would I be overreacting to report him missing to the police

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 11/12/2010 22:53

Yes - unless their are any other mitigating circumstances. I would go mad if I couldn't go away for a few days without one of my siblings needing to be told so they didn't call the police....

ChippingIn · 11/12/2010 22:54

their LOL LOL LOL

there

TragicallyHip · 11/12/2010 22:54

Is there any other family or friends you can try? What about trying the uni or college he attends?

BitOfFun · 11/12/2010 22:55

Yes. Definitely.

findingthepath · 11/12/2010 22:55

Has he been to lessons?

Does he have a new girlfriend?

Could he have gone on holiday?

thenightsky · 11/12/2010 22:55

Uni hasn't broken for xmas yet, so he should still be there surely?

Original poster
frazzell · 11/12/2010 22:56

He broke up with his girlfriend about a month ago and I'm pretty sure he hasn't gone on holiday without telling me or my sister.

I could try contacting the university but they won't be open until Monday and would they tell me anyway?

OP posts:
huddspur · 11/12/2010 22:59

I would report it if any of my siblings had appear to have vanished for the last 3 days.

TragicallyHip · 11/12/2010 23:00

Maybe he is still in contact with his ex and you could contact her?

MarniesMummy · 11/12/2010 23:00

I'd like to think that under the circs they would.

If it were me I'd report him missing even if that does mean the police told me that I needed to wait longer before I could officially report it.

Original poster
frazzell · 11/12/2010 23:02

I've tried his ex and she said he could be in a morgue for all she cares.

OP posts:
Rindercella · 11/12/2010 23:04

Do you have any specific reason to be concerned about him (was he very upset by the breakup for example). Are you normally in close contact with him? Does he usually answer his phone/call you back?

You do sound concerned about him. I actually think you should contact the police (non emergency). See what they say.

Good luck and I hope you find him safe and well.

AngelZigzagsSparklyYuletideLog · 11/12/2010 23:06

Sorry if this is too blunt, but are you worrying whether he's harmed himself?

If you think it's a real possibility, or that you think he's in his flat but is struggling to cope, I would take some 'invasive' action.

If you mean anything to each other, he'll understand why you did it if he has just gone AWOL and not told you.

If you were in any kind of state and not answering calls etc, would you want someone to come and help you?

If there was a misunderstanding and your sister got the police to track you down, would you think less of her? Of course not.

Try the police non-emergency number and just ask what they would advise, it'll take the decision out of your hands if your worried what your brother will think of you.

wrinklyraisin · 11/12/2010 23:07

I think where family is concerned it's better to look a fool than not find out til too late. Tell the police. If he's buggered off to Thailand they'll find out.

TragicallyHip · 11/12/2010 23:07

How fucking insensitive of her!

If this is unusual for him not to make contact then call the police.

Sorry I can't be of much more help. I hope you speak to your brother soon

Original poster
frazzell · 11/12/2010 23:09

I'm concerned because he wouldn't normally ignore me or my sister like this. We are close siblings so he wouldn't just have gone on holiday without telling me.

OP posts:
prettymuchapixiegirl · 11/12/2010 23:09

Does he normally contact you regularly and reply to texts and calls? If so then YANBU contacting the police.

Hope he is okay, his ex sounds horrible

fluffygal · 11/12/2010 23:10

Is he on facebook? Maybe you could try and see if he's been using his account?

MissAnneElk · 11/12/2010 23:12

If he normally responds to your calls then I understand why you are worried. Leave him a message and a text to say that you are worried about him and if you don't get a response you will contact the police. Hopefully, that will make him respond, but if he doesn't , then report him missing.

TragicallyHip · 11/12/2010 23:13

I think you should call the police. Even if it is to put your mind at ease especially if this is out of character for him.

I really hope he is ok

AngelZigzagsSparklyYuletideLog · 11/12/2010 23:13

Good idea about the fb, if you get a list together of all the places you've tried to find him, it'll show the police you're not overreacting and give them a starting point.

piprabbit · 11/12/2010 23:15

MissAnneElk's suggestion sounds a very practical way forward. Give him a time limit - if he hasn't been in touch by (whatever time seems reasonable) you will be contacting the police because you are genuinely worried for him.

Wafflepuss · 11/12/2010 23:15

If it is unusual for him to be AWOL for this long then I you should get the police to check it out. Had a very similar situation recently and it turned out that the person who we couldn't contact had sadly died at home. The police broke into the house when she was reported missing and found her. Not saying this is what has happened to your brother but if you are concerned about him then trust your instincts and get some help.

AngelZigzagsSparklyYuletideLog · 11/12/2010 23:17

There's some advice from the Met on reporting a missing person, I can understand why it's such a big step to take.

One, you're making your fears concrete and official, and two, once you've started the ball rolling it's out of your hands.

But three days is a long time when they're normally good at contacting you, what do your parents think?

Original poster
frazzell · 11/12/2010 23:19

I've not told my parents my mum is ill and could do without the worry and my dad thinks my brother is a "waste of space"

OP posts:
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