to be sick of my son being the "good boy" ???

[goodboy]

and having to sit with the kids who need real help, and having to give up his lunch choice for some kid who had a tantrum about her lunch and getting nits from sitting to the disadvantaged kid.

I know its not her choice to have nits, but it irks that it's always him who has to be kind and patient.

If the child has special needs or is struggling I would always expect my child to help. Just like I would expect him to help anybody in need or less fortunate.

He has the blessings of good health and the privilege of a supportive family.

With privilege comes responsibilities to those who aren't as fortunate.

One day we may need help or our parents or our friends

ThisIsANiceCage - essentially we are not at odds but yes, I do believe there is a great deal learnt at school that is not academic and that fills the timetable to the detriment of some. My point is that schools cannot make up for the inadequacies of some families, no matter how hard they try, without that impinging on others. Alouiseg makes a good point imo.

Thinking back, I as the one who was sat on a table of kids who had SEN, constantly played up etc to manage them. Not without the teacher- more as a calmomg influence. Again partly becuase despite being relatively bright and 'good' I was from the same social background (school had a large council intake, that's where I grew up).

Did it disadvanatge me? From what I know of the outcomes of my schoolmates I have done as well as any of them, so probably not. I tell you what it did do though- when my own kids were born with SEN I had none of the 'welcome to holland' stepping into another world trauma others talk of. A huge benefit.

No child should have to always care for anohter, but getting teh chance to do it sometimes is a great thing. And a socially disadvanatged child might be getting as much love as anyone; there are far too many causes that do not involve a deficit of care but cause issues. DS2 for example is calssed as socially disadvantaged on some scales for having 2 siblings with ASD and I think it impacts but that has no bearing on the love and attention he gets at home: he knows we love him and is secure in that.

I'd want to check the facts before asking for changes; many a small child turns a few days into for ever when a TA is off or similar. That's pretty natural for them, and such things also happen when TAs are out for school plays and the like. But i wouldn;t worry about emphasising your child should be part of a supportive community and not the sole support. As Mum to asd kids, i;d have no issues at all with that stance and would back you all the way.

Friends of ours used to run a boarding house at a top public school and they said nits were a constant problem. Perhaps they were just a better class of nits.

I totally understand the nits thing- when there are some children who have them constantly and are never treated, to the extent you can see things moving in their hair without even trying to look, have even seen them in eyebrows there were so many! Eurgh! And the size of the nits!

Oh, I do so empathise. I have a 'good' DD who is always sitting with other children who find keeping to the school rules a challenge. It is now starting to happen with DD2 (not so compliant, but still wants to follow rules).
As a teacher, I totally understand the thinking behind this, but am beginning to have second thoughts about rational behind it.
But what does a class teacher do? In a class of 20 plus how can the seating be arranged so everyone can access the same amount of curriculum?
But my wee DD1...she is missing out on normal classroom friendships (eg sharing pencils etc) cos is just not allowed to be in that situation.

OP, is he in primary or secondary school? I'm guessing it's primary.

Your DS sounds amazingly mature and calm. It's good he's telling you all this.

YANBU about any disruptive behaviour. Talk to the teacher, tell them your concerns. I think it would be expecting a lot from him to approach a teacher to broach this subject. Or to 'stick up for himself' about it. It's a direct criticism of how that teacher's managing their classroom and I think it would take a very very confident and extraordinarily articulate child to express that to an adult in authority. If you're worried about how assertive he is in general, that's a different issue I think.

YABU about the nits though. They all get em.

My child is used as a calming measure in class too. The calmest kid being sat next to the most manic in the hope that good behaviour is catching. Mine seems to like helping the others out but struggles when they get very loud and distracting. At least he seems to be getting more attention this year though - last year only the loud, showy offy in your face kids got a look in - rather than the well behaved hard working ones.

It is a perennial problem for teachers. If you sit all the difficult ones together then you have a nightmare group. If you put nice quiet ones next to noisy ones the quiet ones become resentful. I suppose the only way is to move them around a lot and then some children become insecure because they don't like being forced to move.

It is not just disadvantaged kids who get nits, nits jump
from child to child regardless of class or background maybe the nice kids get one or two boden wearing organic nits and the disadvanteged ones get swarms of greggs eating primark wearing ones. Bullying in schools starts from segregation of children the whole don't sit next to her she has nits and is dirty . You should be proud of your son for being so nice and encourage it , if he is having to give his lunch to someone who has had a tantrum tell him that bad behaviour should not be rewarded and motto give his lunch to someone who missbehaves like that .

I think what the OP means, (and I'm sure you all know this is you could get off your high horses for a sec) is that the 'disadvantaged' child's mother doesn't necessarily make the time or effort to get rid of the nits, whereas the more organised functional mother does.

I don't think she means financially 'disadvantaged' - the word disadvantage is often used as a euphemism for poorly parented, slightly neglected, or from a chaotic/dysfunctional background.

I think that one thing guaranteed to make any well behave children feel agrieved, is when a more difficult child is given a prize or special mention etc.

Of course we realise the teachers are just trying to incentivise good behaviour, but children find this intolerably unfair.

X is a twit, but we are giving him a box of maltezers and a certifciate becuase he's being slihgtly less of a twit than last term.

It reminds me of the scene in Horrid Henry, where he is being bribed with a present to eat all his green.
'But Mama,' pipes up Perfect Peter. 'I always eat my vegetables, what do I get.'

'Health,' snaps Mum.

It makes sense to mix the quieter ones with the naturally noisier ones.

And get a classroom where everyone can concentrate (easier if smaller in size).

Completely agree about the huge amount of certificates for the least well behaved. Fortunately children are quite clever about what it means.