to be sick of my son being the "good boy" ???

[goodboy]

and having to sit with the kids who need real help, and having to give up his lunch choice for some kid who had a tantrum about her lunch and getting nits from sitting to the disadvantaged kid.

I know its not her choice to have nits, but it irks that it's always him who has to be kind and patient.

Fanjo, I don't resent ds helping other dcs. It benefits him at least as much as whoever he's helping.

However if situations like the lunch incident crop up again and again and a child feels taken advantage of, it's reasonable surely for their parents to be annoyed or concerned.

i guess we all just have different worries..

gori It's a big ask, yes. And I don't know how exactly you do it. It's ok though for a dc to sometimes tell an adult that they'd rather not give their lunch away, for example I think.

Is he definitely having to teach or help the children with special needs? The OP just complains that he has to sit next to them (same with the 'disadvantaged' ones) and seems mostly concerned about what he might catch from the, .

It does seem a bit odd to me to have children responsible for 'helping' the ones who are struggling, especially if it's more than an occassional thing. Definitely didn't happen when I was at school, in fact it was discouraged as it generally took the form of the 'struggling' kids copying from those who knew what they were doing. You were supposed to ask the teacher if you were stuck, though perhaps class sizes are so big now that the teacher can't help everyone?

(from them)

Please tell me that the OP has been taken to task about the awful "getting nits from sitting to the disadvantaged kid" comment.

And please tell me that Tottwriter has not got away with

"all children get nits, but it tends to be the ones disadvantaged in the sense that their parents don't give a rat's arse who keep them."

God help those posters if their children get the spirit of Christmas of them?

Woops, my last sentence did not make sense but hey neither do Tottwriter or the OP

I don't think you're being unreasonable but your phrasing it in a particulary nasty way. It should not be your sons responsibility to teach other children nor should he be giving up his lunch hour for them

i think it's nice for the kids to help each other, and much nicer than a society where we all just have to be the best and trample on each other to do it.

The children who help my DD seem like they will turn out to be lovely compassionate adults.

and if you don't want them sitting next to 'disadvantaged kids' send them to private achool. should noone wit next to these children? Should they be made to sit in the corner?

Whatever happened to acceptance.

It's perfectly normal and desirable for dcs to help each other in class, Ep. Managed properly, everyone wins - helper, helpee, teacher.

"i think it's nice for the kids to help each other"

Yes, if they all do. That's wonderful.

FFS it's not some kind of punishment to be shared out equally.

Maybe they could have a rota, like for chores.

Sorry, took "i think it's nice for the kids to help each other" as a general statement, not specifically about your DD.

From my perspective, a 7 year old child is too young to have the responsibility to teach another child. It's too much pressure and not fair. That is why I spoke to DS's teacher.

it was a general statement. however my DD is an example, if she didn't get help she wouldn't interact at all.

YANBU
Bright children who are put next to struggling/disruptive kids end up spending their time helping/coping with the other child instead of learning themselves. This does have a statistically significant negative effect on their grades, without mentioning if it encourages them to get used to being taken advantage of. But as you can see on this board, there is a lot of pressure on the child to carry out this role. I dont know the answer other than selective schools.. perhaps encourage her to misbehave state her views strongly?

Also, its true that all kids gets nits, and its true that the ones who KEEP the nits are those whose parents dont check their hair. That is a sad but true disadvantage to the child.

Presumably though Fanjo you wouldn't want another child teaching your DD full time? It's the teacher's job to do the actual teaching. Encouraging friendships etc is of course something which should be, er, encouraged Although re-reading the OP, she doesn't actually say that her DS is being used as a teaching assisitant. I may be confusing my own issues with the OP's. Ahem.

The OP isn't about one child being helped by the many; it's about one child being told to help the many. Converse of your situation, Fanjo.

We have been in this situation with our son when he was at primary school. I have a lot of sympathy for the OP, to me it does not matter what language she used, she is concerned for her child so please get over that issue. As cubbie says, teachers will pair children from different backgounds together, and that obviously has a benefit for the more disadvantaged child and for the teacher. Of course children must realise that not everyone is as fortunate as themselves but I truly, sincerely believe that should not interfere with their academic life. I only regret that in our liberal thinking, we let this situation run too long and consequently our son adopted all sorts of attitudes which we had to deal with. This is a huge subject and includes fairness also imo to children & families that do not have social problems.

The equivalent in your situation, Fanjo, would be a single child being instructed to be your DD's permanent helper, because the other children had tantrums when asked to help.

I'm sure your delight in DD having a reliable companion would be tempered by concern that the helper's needs were being overridden and the more selfish class-members were learning that tantrums are a winning strategy. And that it's OK to refuse to help your DD.

It would be a vile dynamic all round.

(Not saying this level of vileness is happening in OP's child's class.)

Actually, Chatelaine I think you've stepped over the line in the other direction.

It's as if you're saying your child should be the one to give nothing.

It's not the case that children should never be paired (usually about ability/behaviour, not social class), but that the teacher must make sure both children are getting something out of it and any disadvantages to the pairing are made up for elsewhere.

ThisIsANiceCage - I don't understand your reply! Of course all children should give something, ours certainly did and continues to do so.

This thread has highlighted that bright well behaved kids get zero attention, zero teaching. It's all about getting a few little shits to behave which is actually the job of the parents. Not the teacher, who should be able to teach without some ill mannered brat commandeering all their attention.

OP, I would hope that you can support your son in being assertive because when he is in the workplace the disruptive kids will be in the dole queue.

Chatelaine sorry, maybe I misunderstood "sincerely believe that should not interfere with their academic life."

There's a great deal learnt at school that isn't academic -exactly the bit that's learnt by good mixing (social, cultural, ability-wise) and helping out, etc. But you may have meant something else quite specific to your child's situation.