to be sick of my son being the "good boy" ???

[goodboy]

and having to sit with the kids who need real help, and having to give up his lunch choice for some kid who had a tantrum about her lunch and getting nits from sitting to the disadvantaged kid.

I know its not her choice to have nits, but it irks that it's always him who has to be kind and patient.

You sound like a vile human being, OP.

'...getting nits from sitting to the disadvantaged kid.'

What an utterly shameful thing to say.

I pity your poor boy.

i think the OP means he had to swap with a child who wanted his choice rather than hers

Ds2's year 2 teacher has openly told me that he is deliberately sat between the two most "difficult" dcs in her class. I'm absolutely OK with that, and so is he. I'm grateful that he is kind and patient, and able to concentrate when dcs around him are disruptive - all part of life's learning experience.

Bad phrasing OP but I do see your point. DD is/was a calm little thing and throughout reception was always put inbetween the two naughtiest boys in the class, partly because of her temperament and partly because she had a big and rather loud older brother and could deal with them. After a couple of terms I just had a quiet word with the teacher to say that I understood why dd was always between the two terrors but that although she seemed to be coping admirably it might be fairer after two terms to spread the terrors about a bit. Teacher and I had a laugh and she said something like it'll make my life tougher and dd's easier but she's a fab kid to have in the class though.

Pawnclaws, I must admit it would bother me, probably because even though I know my boys are good boys in the main, they would not be able to concentrate all day if the children sitting on both sides were really disruptive. I would feel their needs are somehow less valued than the ones of disruptive children.

Hey ho.

I have both sides of this. My daughter is used as a buffer zone and form of crowd control. My sons are the sort of boys she'd be buffering. I can tell you which is easier to live with.

Poor kid never gets a break from 'interesting' boy behaviour, really. In fact, thinking of it that way, I might just go and ask her teacher if they could give her a break from it at school, given that she hasn't much choice about dealing with it at home.

Hiding this thread before my heads explodes!

gorionine, I don't think it's an unreasonable concern, and if I thought it was having any negative effect on ds2 I would say so. But in fairness I do have faith in his teacher, and I think she's placed the dcs in order to get the best and most effective classroom balance.

I'm laughing at the assumption that parents whose children are badly behaved don't care about them!

Why pressureDrop? I think the subject is really interesting, even though OP is rather badly worded.

"Disadvantaged" was a bad choice of word. "Neglected" might have been better. Trying to give the op the benefit of the doubt here.

YANBU though, op. It's frustrating sometimes when your dc seems to be disadvantaged by their reasonableness. Being a considerate person brings its own rewards, but it sounds as if your ds is being taken advantage of.

It's a curse, my dd is quite quiet and obedient (in school anyway!) and was ALWAYS sat between 2 naughty boys. Year after year, there would be a table with 5 girls and a boy on it and then a row of 3 tables in the far corner...... cheeky boy DD nasty boy

Tear after tear was shed by DD - so unfair, she would come home upset as one of the girls on the 5 girl table would be naughty and be swapped onto a table with 3 girls 3 boys - she was NEVER EVER allowed to sit with girls.

Thank the lord she is now at an all girls school

I went in every year, I wrote notes, DH went in, nothing ever ever worked - there was always some bullshit answer - she is bright and works without help so we have her in the far side of the room and have the children who need more support nearer the teacher. Naturally the cheeky boy and nasty boy were bright too.....

School trips she would be with the head or a male supporting parent - her and another quiet girl - and 4 boys - poor kid!

Pawsandclaws, I think (but am not sure how right I am, as OP has not come to clarify) that the issue actually raised because Op's child had told his mum he was not enjoying it much. Probably different in your case, it is great you have so much confidence in your son's strength and so much faith in his teacher though.

My eldest DS was being used by one teacher as a sort of personal tutor to a child that was struggling. He certainly wasn't happy going over and over the same work for the benefit of someone else. When I approached the teacher, she said that DS was a star and that she did use him to 'bring on' some of the other children. When I asked her what she was doing to bring DS on, she looked a bit dumbstruck tbh. Bringing it to her attention worked, and DS was back to doing his own work. Sometimes the teacher doesn't even realise it's a problem I think, especially if the class has 30 children in it and she has only one part time TA. I certainly don't mind that DS is thought well of, and that he is patient and kind. I do mind if those attributes are being used to his detriment with his education.

Yes I agree, she did say it bothers him and it's an interesting debate.

The last post has just reminded me though that ds1 is the only boy on a table of five because the class is pretty much overwhelmed with girls and the teacher has to keep shifting them around to stop them gossiping and chatting. He loves it! He's like the rooster in the henhouse!

If he's having to sit with disruptive kids all the time (though the OP doesn't say this), then I can see that would be a problem and might be affecting his own work.

But why not just say that if it's the case, it would probably get more understanding than complaining about him being next to the dirty, nit-infested poor children, which just sounds like class snobbery and is a really horrible attitude to be passing on to her son

Not that it matters on here, but if the OP talks to the school, she might want to be careful she doesn't come across as just complaining about her precious son being in the same room as a child with parents on a low income. Because I doubt that would get her very far. I'd leave the word 'disadvantaged' out of it altogether if I were her.

Maybe your ds could do with some help developing his assertiveness, op?

I often have to push ds to stand up for himself more.

My DD has SN and the nursery teacher encourages the other kids to help and sit with her, it never once occurred to me that their parents might begrudge it so horribly.

I can assire you it is much worse to be the parent whose child needs the help.

FFS

But Jenai, hoe do you tell your child to be more assertive to his teacher and stand up to them? to other children yes but to his teacher it is too much to ask from a child IMHO.

Tell you what OP, I'll trade you my 'naughty boy' for your 'good boy'.

Talk to the school, if it is a regular occurrence that he has to 'supervise' other kids. That shouldn't happen.

If the children he is helping have special needs, then it is unfair for you to begrudge them that, but the teacher should not be singing out your DS alone to 'help'.

At my school there are a number of children in my clss who I can count on to help and support my SEN child with certain activities that they wouldn't be able to do alone or with less patient children. I make sure I rotate and don't make them 'help' out too often or to the detriment of their own enjoyment of the activity.

It is a good lesson to learn in school.

fanjo, it is a different situation though, encouraging all the children to include your Dd is perfectly normal. Ask one child to help another one all the time is not that good though, it prevents him learning more because he has to pass on to the other what he already knows. If OP's son is complaining his needs should be taken into consideration too.

What's getting me is we have thread after thread of adults realising they're being taken advantage of through their good nature, tolerance and generosity, who are rightly being told to stand up for themselves, put their own needs higher up the agenda, "No is a complete sentence," etc

Yet here's a child in training to be that adult. And some posters are saying the OP should be pleased to have such a pliable DC.

Great post TIANC!

X-posted with all the comments about assertiveness