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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How did it all come to this?

72 replies

Slinkysista · 10/12/2010 19:21

Sitting here at least three stone overeweight. It's friday night, I never go out, I cant't remember the last time I laughed, really laughed out loud! I don't think I love my husband. I deperately want to be someone else or me fifteen years ago. Anyone else ever feel like this?

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 10/12/2010 19:22

glad you started a thread.

Yes, I think many people feel this way.

question is, what are you going to do about it?

verytellytubby · 10/12/2010 19:24

Use this as a turning point to change your life. Baby steps.

What's one thing you can do tonight to make yourself feel better?

spidookly · 10/12/2010 19:25

No, it sounds sad.

How did it come to this?

Why don't you ever go out? Childcare?

Do you have friends?

Did you love your husband once?

Why no laughing?

What was so great about 1995?

PhishFoodAddiction · 10/12/2010 19:30

I saw this on the other thread, and while I don't have much advice I can totally sympathise about the weight (I've got I reckon about 6 stone to lose) and I have depression too so sometimes it all gets a bit much.

Would making some plans help you? You could break down the weight you need to lose into little chunks and just do a bit at a time. Look into methods that might help (I like Paul McKenna, I can make you thin). Exercise can be done in 10 minute blocks, if you do 3 a day this really helps the weight come off.

Depression clouds your judgement so it could be you don't love your husband any more, or it could be depression making you feel that way (just speculating here, but depression has a horrible effect on my relationship with my husband).

Try and think of small things you can change and make time for doing something you enjoy each day.

Original poster
Slinkysista · 10/12/2010 19:36

I just don't know where to start, just feel so taken for granted by so many people. I have just one child who is an angel I know I should not be complaining.
Sorry ladies

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 10/12/2010 19:39

Tell us more. We are listening (I sound like Frasier Smile)

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 10/12/2010 19:40

Don't apologise.

If you are unhappy with your life, then take steps to change it.

One thing at a time.

Go to ww or sw, or make time to spend 1:1 with your husband, join a group or a night class...

There's loads of stuff you can do to change how you're feeling.

spidookly · 10/12/2010 19:42

You can love your child and still have plenty to complain about :o

What were you like in 1995? What were you doing? I was at Uni then.

BeerTricksPotter · 10/12/2010 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cansu · 10/12/2010 19:46

I feel much the same way. My father died last week and I am determined to start changing my life.

Portofino · 10/12/2010 19:47

I feel like this sometimes. I do love my DH but feel like we don't have much fun anymore - we are always so busy. I spend too much time on PC drinking wine once dd has gone to bed, and have put on weight gradually over the time since we moved abroad.

This year, work has been bollocks busy and for the first time in my life, I feel OLD and TIRED.

Folicacid · 10/12/2010 19:50

Sorry you are feeling like this.

I'd say work on your own ishoos first- e.g weight, confidence then when you are feeling stronger you will be able to evaluate and work on/ leave your relationship.

I'm 3 stone over weight and I know that this affects my - happy- relationship as I don't want to socialise as much, sometimes at all etc. I could go on but I won't as I don't want to hijack. just saying to you, you are not alone.

Portofino · 10/12/2010 19:52

You should start a "positive thinking for 2011" quiche thread. I will join! Something positive for every day. Baby steps.

Portofino · 10/12/2010 19:53

Cansu Sad and (((hugs)))

Original poster
Slinkysista · 10/12/2010 19:54

I was at university fifteen years ago and had lots of fun and happiness ahead of me. I just wish I knew then what I know now. I feel old, frumpy and tired.

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 10/12/2010 19:58

I agree lets start a positive thinking thread for 2011

I was at uni 15 years ago. Carefree and having wild fun. However you can still have fun. I'm guessing you are about my age.

What stops you from going out?

hk78 · 10/12/2010 20:00

I feel the same as the op

PhishFoodAddiction · 10/12/2010 20:00

It's easy to think back to university days and wish life could be like that again. The reality is, some things you may be able to get back and some you can't. Some you wouldn't want back! So which parts of that life do you long for?

You could focus on getting back to a weight where you feel confident and can wear the clothes you love (I loved getting dressed up for a night out back then).

You could try and organize a night out with your friends.

Try learning a new skill?

Make time to pamper yourself a bit. When I'm really low I feel awful, but I like to give myself a little pedicure and put some bright nailvarnish on my toe nails. Sounds silly but it cheers me up to see one part of me looking nice, even if no-one else sees. Plucking my eyebrows makes me feel and look a bit better too.

Portofino · 10/12/2010 20:01

Slinky, so you are 35ish? Life isn't over yet! My DH at 40 had no qualifications, a shit job, and 2 divorces behind him. He hadn't even passed his driving test.

At 53, he has a aenior managerial job, a blackberry, a flash car with heated leather seats. Oh, and more importantly he has me, and dd (6). Grin He travels the world. At 40 even, this would have been a dream.

spidookly · 10/12/2010 20:06

But now you know what you know now.

I know that old and frumpy and tired feeling, but we're not old. Frumpy is easily fixed.

Tired? I'm very tired at the moment for health reasons. Do you have any reason to feel tired?

Are you depressed? Do you get enough exercise?

(Me neither :o)

verytellytubby · 10/12/2010 20:12

Porto - that gives me hope. I'm 37 and have no career and really looking to re-train next year.

Slinky, I've had my hair highlighted and eyebrows threaded today and I feel so much better.

ClaireDeLoon · 10/12/2010 20:14

Agree with changing the small things, baby steps etc.

I'm overweight too - 4 stoneish - and it does really knock your self confidence, so I started with weightwatchers and I've lost 6lbs which is a start. Could you spare the time and money to try ww or slimming world etc?

What can you do tomorrow to make you feel better right away? Something that would put a smile on your face? Go hire a DVD of a fave funny film etc?

scouserabroad · 10/12/2010 20:21

I'd second breaking it down into individual problems which you can tackle one at a time until they are all gone :)

Do you have anyone you could organise a night out with? Or a day out - cinema, pub lunch, walk in the country - any kind of social thing with friends might cheer you up a bit.

Maybe you should change your diet? Sometimes if you don't eat healthily, then you start to feel bloated and have no energy. So changing to a balanced diet can start to make you feel better quite quickly, then that gives you the oomph to make the other changes in your life. (apologies if this doesn't apply at all!)

blinder · 10/12/2010 20:21

I identify with losing confidence to socialise and increasing distance from DP with weight gain.

I'm just listening to you all and myself and thinking 'Jesus why is my body shape and size so f*cking important!?'

Anyone would think our worth was determined by our bellies. (hint: it's NOT!)

blinder · 10/12/2010 20:24

still ranting there's an expectation in this country that you are not allowed to be happy / enjoy life / be seen in public if you are not a size 6-12.

Bloody annoys me.

Sorry, go back to offering the OP the good listening and support. Just wanted to let off steam about the whole weight thing.

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