How did it all come to this?

[Slinkysista]

Sitting here at least three stone overeweight. It's friday night, I never go out, I cant't remember the last time I laughed, really laughed out loud! I don't think I love my husband. I deperately want to be someone else or me fifteen years ago. Anyone else ever feel like this?

Agree with blinder why is weight so important? I know I was miserable when I was fat. I think it's a fact that it's more difficult to find clothes when you are fat, then if you start to feel ugly you lose your self confidence and once your self confidence is gone it's difficult to get back. And everything is more difficult if you have no self confidence.

I know I feel unattractive. To me mainly. DH hasn't said anything, but I somehow KNOW that he would be so much more "attentive" ifswim if my arse was a bit smaller than it was.

hey - I lost my job today.

I'm trying to think of it as a "reason to make my life what I think it ought to be"

It's corny, but I think it's true that once you've got to grips with the idea that, however bad things are, it's still your life to do what you want with it, then you can move forward

(this is from someone who has spent a lot of the day in tears, so I really sympathise with the not liking where you're at)

Well if the weight is making you unhappy, it needs to come off. I could do with shifting some myself, but not before the Christmas chocolate orange fest .

I am currently telling myself that I cannot continue to let my anxiety control my life to the extent that I miss out on life. So for the first time ever, I have a NY resolution. You can make some too. Start a quiche - I'm in.

sticky sorry to hear about your job hope you find something else soon (something that you really want to do).

blinder I agree that weight shouldn't be such an issue. It would be nice if they made attractive clothes for larger sizes though. I feel so frumpy as I dress to cover up now rather than to flaunt my assets. I've always felt fat, since being 14. I was 8.5 stone at 21 and loved being able to wear the clothes I wanted, but I still felt fat. I don't know where that came from.

I will join in with New Year Resolutions, do not have the willpower to do it before Christmas...otherwise who will eat all the soft centres out of the big tin of roses? would hate to see DH eat them them go to waste.

Sorry -df has arrived for the weekend, back later,,,,

Phish, I agree. My Mum and Gran are both plus-size (and always have been) and have complained all my life about the larger size offering. Their solution was to make their own clothes, but obviously that depends on having the time/talent/inclination.

I have namechanged.

I have lost nearly 30 kilos, over 4 stone over 16 months. I would like to lose 10 kilos. Just under 2 kilos a month.

This is what I did, I cut out or reduced drinks that contain sugar, coke. This has made a huge difference as I did not realise how much I chased sugar. I still sometimes slip one in but I now realise just how bad they were for me.

I never beat myself up about the past but I never want to put on weight like I had previously.

I pretty much cut out alcohol (even though I was never much of a drinker).

I also unless I am sick, I try exercise 3 times a week.

If I get sick I do not work out.

I do not aim for more workouts, as I find it too de-motivating if I do not reach a higher goal and I am at risk of then over-eating.

I try do my workouts outside, so whatever the weather, and I mean whatever the weather I get out and about and there are no excuses.

I also hired a trainer for a short time so that I stuck out the first 6 weeks.

I do not have a car, so have to walk everywhere and now I enjoy that. I make myself playlists to take with me.

When doing housework I put on music and go for it.

I still occasionally have a food slip up but I do not beat myself up about it.

My DH has been supportive in that he will sort out childcare or housework in order for me to work out. He never buys any rubbish, unless I go crazy and make up some rubbish excuse.

I agree that weight is an issue, some friends are friendlier to me now that I have lost weight and comment on my weight loss. I am still the same person, but I am healthier and I dislike the fact that I am somehow more socially acceptable to some other false like people.

Sorry you lost your job Sticky. I hope another door will open for you.

sticky I wish I had the talent to make my own clothes! I have a sewing machine, I'm very enthusiastic but I still managed to make a total hash of a cushion cover .

Thanks - sorry, didn't mean to go me me me, was just empathising with how life feels really shit sometimes!

Gleekfan, you are a great example! Are you happier? (hope so!). It is ridiculous that someone would be more or less friendly to you based on weight, how f'd up is that?

Phish - think how I feel, coming from a family of great seamstresses and having 10 thumbs myself! I wonder how much is about practice though.

Thanks Sticky. I am happier that I am healthier but I do not think the weight loss in itself makes you happy.

That may sound trite but I think I am happy because I try express gratitude for all the positive aspects of my life. Even though I have been through some really difficult times.

I agree that it is ridiculous that someone is more friendly now that I am now acceptable to their view of size. It annoys me greatly.

I now make time to work out. I find that to do so that I need to put myself first, but that is what I have to do and I realised that no one else was going to do it for me. I feel very fortunate that I can make that time to work out and I count my blessings for that.

Just taking the time to think about what you eat, and why really helps.

I fully understand how food is a form of comfort or how you can be so busy and tired that you feel like you need fuel your body with food and you eat quickly and just keep eating (well that is what I did).

Urgh - another taker here.

This week I have felt like I'm a shadow of my former self. I used to love music and socialising. Now I'm just bored/boring and so tired. There is nothing about me that is nice any more. I have no libido (On Citalopram for PND), and my DH works 5 nights a week so I'm sat here alone night after night.

I don't think it sounds trite - or rather, it's hard to express that sort of thing without sounding like a "how to improve your life" book! What you say sounds right though.

"no on else was going to do it for me" is right too. Too many people (myself included) equate looking after yourself with being selfish.

It's so nice to hear a positive voice tho :)

WikiSpeaks - Nah, ofcourse there is something nice about you. I am sure there are many things.

What music do you love?

Just reading all the other posts and advice has made me feel a bit better. Think I am just down at the moment, Might nip to the doctor and see if he can offer me anything to help. It's so lovely to see that there are other people out there who actually care how I am feeling. The sisterhood is not dead!
Thank you.

Lets start our thread.

Gleek - It was more that I was passionate about new music/festivals and became alive with it. It just doesn't give me that buzz any more. I did Cambridge diet a few months ago, lost a stone, and then put it all back on again in a month

I think what has happened is the same for alot of parents. You get wrapped up in the pregnancy/baby part and just lose yourself. I'm now S & B's Mum, not the horse-riding OT I used to be.

Well I am still an OT, but too heavy to ride atm

See, I wonder and I am really sorry if I make anyone on here vomit (so feel free to puke at me) but I sometimes think that some of us can fall into the role of the sister / mother / carer / agony aunt /wife / which is all wonderful but sometimes you can end up giving so much that people can take so much from you that you never get a moment to look after yourself.

What you going to do to make things better in 2011 Tellytub?

Think my main thing is to start saying no to people when things don't suit and take more time to myself. I unfortunately am a people pleaser!

Try a low carb diet, I lost all my baby weight with that (about 3 stones). I'm not as strict now with the carbs as I'm pregnant again but the habits sort of stay ingrained.

I sometimes feel the same as you and I'm only 25. I'm pregnant so not really feeling too attractive. Don't go out as my OH works away and is hardly ever home. So, its not necessarily an age thing.

I agree with other posters, its the small things that count. Get your hair done, put your face on (makeup or war-paint as I sometimes call it), treat yourself. As for whether you love your husband, maybe make a big effort to go out on the razzle with him, dress up to the nines... see how you feel after that.

Gleekfan, what you just said about being wife mother sister daughter is exactly how I feel. I sometimes have to remind myself that I was once a person with drive and ambition who used to love to go out and have fun and loved, loved, loved clothes! That's all gone now.

Wiki - I x-posted.

I wish I could think of some cool music to reinvigorate you.

You sure can get wrapped up in the pregnancy/baby part and your body can stretch stretch stretch!

I think that the Cambridge Diet is a liquid diet, so maybe it tricked your body into thinking it should go into starvation mode?? DO NOT beat yourself up about this.

You tried something and that is great.

I know about the horse-riding weight. I wanted to try riding but was too big and felt excluded.

Slinky - saying No to people and Yes to yourself is hard but worth it.