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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a little resentful towards my step sisters

15 replies

Kiwi92 · 10/12/2010 05:51

My mum got married 2 weeks ago but they have been in my life for about 3yrs now, and my stepdad is more of a father to me than my dad ever was.

I am sick and tired of being treated like a free childcare service (especially as i work as a nanny so i should "enjoy" the extra experience).Hmm

they still act like spoilt teenages and they are 36, 28,26 (the 36yr old does not do this though) and its all fine as it is there upbringing Angry

The 28 and 26 yr old have borrowed thousands and are not expected to repay it, its acceptable even though if i did it i would be given a talking to by both of them, i did ask if i could borrown some money for my course and was told they cant afford it Sad, they get to raid the cupboards with no prob, but even though i live at home at the moment while doing study i have to ask Hmm

also the 26yr old is apparently skint all the time but can let her 8yr old have coloured hair extensions because she asked but is asking to borrow money for food shoping

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 10/12/2010 06:57

So why aren't you saying no to doing childcare for them if you resent it?

You don't have to.

Don't do it and then moan about it! Stand up for yourself.

It's harsh but true - people treat you how you allow them to treat you.

And move out. even if it's into a bloody bedsit! While you're there - they have the upper hand. Get out. Owe them nothing. Be beholden to noone!

Piggles · 10/12/2010 07:32

They sound like some real ugly stepsisters to me.

But yes, can you not stand up for yourself about the childcare? I'd be finding myself with 'prior engagements' all the time - even if it meant wandering aimlessly in shops, lurking at a friends house or sitting in a library with a book for a couple of hours before I did free child care for undeserving sods family members. (Of course I'd do it if it was a genuine emergency, but I'd not have them taking advantage, which it sounds like they are doing.)

As unfair and sickening as the money inequality is, I think you'll be banging your head against a wall with that one.

Grit your teeth and put up with it, or get qualified and move out somewhere you don't have to see it happening... and just feel grateful that you aren't as stupid as to give a kid of that age hair extensions rather than doing food shopping ffs.

Bonsoir · 10/12/2010 07:38

I am trying to understand your position. You are a student who lives at home with your mother and stepfather, and you are also a nanny (presumably to help pay for your studies). And your stepsisters use you for free childcare? Do they drop their children off at their father's house?

2rebecca · 10/12/2010 07:51

Agree with others who say time to tell them you are not a free childcare service, and possibly time to move out if you can afford it. Any adult living with a parent and moaning about the home situation has an obvious alternative solution, even if expensive.
Didscuss the differences in how you are treated with your father and stepmother.

colditz · 10/12/2010 07:54

The Op's 18, not everyone is ready to move out at 18. I wasn't able to, I wasn't mature enough.

2rebecca · 10/12/2010 07:56

Who looks after the op's kids? presume she has some as on mumsnet.
Where does she say she's 18?

Original poster
Kiwi92 · 10/12/2010 08:03

Yes they drop them off at their dads but he is not here when they do it, so it is me that looks after them.

I am 18 and work normally work as a nanny but am currently working in a childcare centre a few days a week while i get me studies done. In this town it is hard to find acommidation as it is a mining town, so every thing is like triple the normal acomidation price. and i have discussed it with my mum, just sick of getting told it is how they were raised.

I dont have kids, i joined mumsnet when i needed a bit of extra advice regarding some tips with toilet training a charge.

OP posts:
colditz · 10/12/2010 08:05

Kiwi92 - she was born in 1992 - she's 18.

colditz · 10/12/2010 08:06

kiwi - if thir dad isn't in, just don't answer the door to them. And as for 'it was how they were raised - that's an rubbish excuse for being in your 20s and 30s and bei9ng a selfish prick!

LisaD1 · 10/12/2010 08:36

Agree with Colditz, don't answer the door! Or say "Dad's not in and I'm about to go out so they can't be left here" - They will continue to treat you like this until you make it clear they can't.

2rebecca · 10/12/2010 21:28

Agree re saying you are going out, or telling them you are a student and don't mind babysitting for £x an hour but don't have time to do it for free as you have lots of course work to be going on with. Be honest. You don't want to be a free babysitter, there's no reason you should be, tell them this.

jonesybells · 10/12/2010 21:41

Kiwi you are very welcome to come for support and advice here,

Also agree with Colditz - detach - you are not avaiable/not in.

These stepsisters nor their children are your responsibility.

zipzap · 10/12/2010 23:19

I'd tell them straight out that you need money for your course let alone any hair extensions Grin so that you will charge at £xx an hour - if you weren't looking after them you would (potentially) be able to do real babysitting to raise money...

Or say that you can't because you are studying (and then say that if they book you in advance when you want to babysit, your charge is £xx - and of course say that it is family rates so they can't bargain it down).

Is your mum there if they drop kids off when their dad is not there - or is it just you there? what would happen if you refused to take them?

And what would happen if the next time they excuse the stepsisters by saying that that is the way they have been brought up, if you asked to be brought up that way too now as their dad is now your dad IYSWIM and that you are feeling very hurt and left out by the different ways in which you are treated?

onmyfeet · 11/12/2010 04:52

Don't answer the door, or say you are not available.

Longtinsellyjosie · 11/12/2010 09:06

How long until your studies are done? Once they are, could you get a job as a live-in nanny?

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