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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get upset because my husband calls his mother "mummy"?

82 replies

MarianneM · 09/12/2010 22:05

My MIL is a manipulative, destructive person with undiagnosed mental problems. She has made life very difficult for her two sons and successfully estranged the boys from their father for more than ten years (they are now in touch). She also gave me hell when I started going out with her son. Called me a predatory female and offered me money to go away and so on.

The sons have always been very close to her and she has excercised her power over them even as grown-ups. My husband did break away from her to some extent a few years ago and while he has had a cordial relationship with her since then the emotional bond between them has not been the same.

Today I accidentally saw an email from my husband to his mother referring to her as "Dear Mummy". I found that very weird and upsetting given the history and the fact that in my opinion grown-ups don't call their mothers "mummy". My husband says this is common in Britain (I'm not British). AIBU?

OP posts:
maktaitai · 09/12/2010 22:06

It's more common in some circles than others - is your husband very posh?

MaudOHara · 09/12/2010 22:07

Its not common but there are some adults that use the term - I think its an odd thing to get worked up about

FunkySnowSkeleton · 09/12/2010 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShanahansRevenge · 09/12/2010 22:10

It is common in the upper and some middle class families.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 09/12/2010 22:11

my dh does this. I used to really get annoyed about it too, but it doesn't bother me now. For me, i think it annoyed me more when i didnt get on with his mum. I do get on with her really well now, so it doesn't rankle any more. Not that helpful to you though, i think my advice would be to just try and let it go, it isn't that big a deal really. Smile

RockinRobinBird · 09/12/2010 22:12

Well I call my mother mummy as does my strapping big brother. None of anyone else's business, go and bash your gums about something that concerns you.

OP, your issues are obviously way more than what he calls his mother surely. If I was in your shoes and my MIL treated me like that, a form of address would be the least of my problems.

Ieattoomuchcake · 09/12/2010 22:12

Agree with maktaitai
Tis something posh folk do.
But I do think it's quite freaky esp given the relationship you describe.
Not much you can do about it though I think...

thisisyesterday · 09/12/2010 22:13

i think you need to realise that no matter how manipulative etc she is, she is STILL HIS MOTHER. or mummy, if that's what he wants to call her.
if she has mental health problems then it's a shame she dosn't get the help she needs

and yes, plenty of grown-ups do call theior parents Mummy and Daddy

mumoy · 09/12/2010 22:14

If you didn't dislike your MIN would it matter? I call my mother Mummy (I'm 44)and my DH calls his mother Mama, but then we are not English.

Original poster
MarianneM · 09/12/2010 22:15

Thanks for replies. My husband is not posh, though his mother is a bit of a Hyacinth Bucket. But I always thought her insisting that she be called "mummy" had more to do with infantilising her sons than being posh...

OP posts:
FairyMum · 09/12/2010 22:17

I refuse to be called mother or mum, so my older children use my real name and my younger call me mummy. My DH calls his mother mummy, but I guess he is "posh". I don't like the word mum at all. I think it sounds really common.

curlymama · 09/12/2010 22:17

YANBU to get upset, infact Ywouldn'tBU to get divorced.

I'll read your post now.

crystalglasses · 09/12/2010 22:18

I like being called mummy by my dd but Ihated it when my ex dp called his mother 'mummy' - it seemed really sissy. Do i have double standards or what?

Hullygully · 09/12/2010 22:18

All Mummy roads lead to Bitty.

Asteria · 09/12/2010 22:21

I have a great friend who is in his late 40's and he still calls his Mother Mummy - I think that it is incredibly sweet. Admittedly they have a very good relationship. My DS is 8 and I refuse to answer to Mum, Mam, MUUUUUUUUUM or any other deviation from Mummy or Mother.

I don't think that this is the important issue you are trying to make it.

BeerTricksPotter · 09/12/2010 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mowiol · 09/12/2010 22:29

"I don't like the word mum at all. I think it sounds really common."

.... common person alert!

FiaryMum - I really hope you are joking Xmas Hmm

Metherbumfit · 09/12/2010 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Serendippy · 09/12/2010 22:32

Saying the word 'mum' is common is no different to saying that the word 'mummy' is posh, immature and infantile.

MadAboutQuavers · 09/12/2010 22:34

YANBU. Unless your DP is under 10 years old. Smile

It is used in this country amongst upper and upper middle classes, and by those who aspire to be so. IMO it does sound very pretentious and always makes me stifle a laugh if I hear someone I know using it.

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 09/12/2010 22:35

I think YABU tbh. It isn't that uncommon and doesn't necessarily mean anything remotely sinister.
It can be regional, it can be a class thing, or it can just be the tradition in the family - it's really nothing to get your knickers in a knot over.

Asteria · 09/12/2010 22:38

Why are people so chippy about the name one uses to address a parent?

Asteria · 09/12/2010 22:39

or rather the class it alledgedly labels one as being part of...

Asteria · 09/12/2010 22:42

oops allegedly - dyslexic, probably due to dreadful inbreeding Grin

verytellytubby · 09/12/2010 23:28

The only males I know who say Mummy have Bitty tendencies Grin

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