To get upset because my husband calls his mother "mummy"?

[MarianneM]

My MIL is a manipulative, destructive person with undiagnosed mental problems. She has made life very difficult for her two sons and successfully estranged the boys from their father for more than ten years (they are now in touch). She also gave me hell when I started going out with her son. Called me a predatory female and offered me money to go away and so on.

The sons have always been very close to her and she has excercised her power over them even as grown-ups. My husband did break away from her to some extent a few years ago and while he has had a cordial relationship with her since then the emotional bond between them has not been the same.

Today I accidentally saw an email from my husband to his mother referring to her as "Dear Mummy". I found that very weird and upsetting given the history and the fact that in my opinion grown-ups don't call their mothers "mummy". My husband says this is common in Britain (I'm not British). AIBU?

My mother has always been 'Mama', and DH calls her 'Mama' as well.
It is traditional in my (Polish) family - my father always called both my grandmothers 'Mama'.

On the other hand, my DH calls his mother 'Mum' and his stepfather by his name. However, I find it awkward calling his mother 'Mum', so I just use her name (like my SIL's all do)

From what you describe, he sounds like he has had a very difficult experience on the "Female Parent" front. If she is as controlling and possesive as she sounds, calling her Mummy may be some sort of appeasement on his part. We have no idea.

Leaving that aside, "Mummy" is in common usage in Britain, OK not everybody uses it but it isn't exactly flying off the end of the weird spectrum.

I don't think you should let it upset you.

Both Dh and I call our mothers mummy.

I think that given your DHs particular history, it is a bit icky. I think you need to talk to your husband about his relationship with his mother. I'd be concerned if he was hiding things from you wrt her.

Personally,if my MIL had behaved very badly towards me, then neither myself or my DH would be having any contact, let alone calling her 'mummy' which implies a close, loving relationship.

My own prejudices here, but I do think it makes men sound wussy and grown women sound 'princessy' to be calling their parents mummy and daddy.

are you married to my dh brother his mum is the same offered money to sil before they married seems to like me

dh calls his mum mummy or mammy its a irish thing

I know adults that do this, but have never done it my self. I like it tho, might train up the DC to do it when grown up. :o

YANBU but it is not that big a deal, one of my 40 year old relatives still calls her mum mummy. I do sympathise about the MIL though, sounds like my MILs twin!!! It sucks. My DH was also estranged from his dad and called her new husband Dad. He also has broken away somewhat but it is still hard as she holds such dominence over him and he is her only child.

Depends what part of the UK you're in - in Northern Ireland, working class people say 'Mummy' or 'Mammy' and only posh people use 'Mum'. My Irish cousins think me and their other English cousins are dead posh, innit!

Can someone elaborate why calling your mum mummy is weird. So if you have been calling your mum mummy since you were born , upon getting older one must stop saying mummy. This has to be the most ridiculous thing I have read on mn. How bizarre. I am 35 and still call my mum mummy and have done so all my life. I'm hardly going to change what I call her because I am no longer three. Yabu he can call his mum wtf he likes

I'm not posh (no ponies in my garden), I've never even been to Northern Ireland, I'm not Indian, no bitty tendancies, I'm old enough to consider myself an adult (although some may argue with that), yet I still call my mother Mummy.
I was brought up calling her that, so to me, it is no stranger than calling anyone by their name. I've never called her anything else. It would feel wrong to call her Mum, because to me, that's not who she is.

What about dp's who call each other mummy and daddy, instead of their first names, even when no dc are around. I have friends who routinely do this and it makes me cringe when they do it in front of me.

I remember snorting with laughter when I was 17 and heard my then bf's 21 yr old sister call her mother "mummy". Now I'm 41 I am happy to call my mother this on occasion and have been for a while. I put it down to having a narrow perspective at 17 and wanting to appear adult and cool and non-childish.

I use it for my mother sometimes.

I think in your case the way your DH addresses his mother is the least of your problems.

I wanted to call my parents Mum and Dad when I was 9 or so but didn't feel that it would be acceptable to them. And then the longer it went on the longer Mummy and Daddy became so deeply ingrained taht I couldn't stop now. I refer to them as my Mum or Dad when talking to friends but even when talking to my sister I call them Mummy and Daddy. I'm 37 so too late now to change I think.

Practically everyone I can think of calls their parents mummy and daddy - with regional variants (Norwegian). When you learn as a child to call your parents mummy and daddy, then mummy and daddy will actually become their names. That they at some point should say, oh no, actually, my name is John, call me that instead, would be very strange

I don't call my mother mummy as a term of endearment or because I'm tied to her apron strings or because I'm acting like a child. I do it because that's just what she's called by me and my sister. My mother calls her own mother mummy as well.

That being said, I have stopped calling my mother mummy when I talk about her to other people. So instead of saying "Mummy said this or that" I would say "My mother said this or that". This was a struggle, though, because it was so ingrained in my way of talking. Maybe I am a child after all

My DH calls his mother 'Mummy' so does his sister they are of Ghanaian Heritage, I call mine Mum...I think it's kinda cute ...as someone else said before I think this is the least of your problems OP.

I'm not posh and me and my brothers call our Mum Mummy. It's just what we call her. No big deal.

"who else says mummy regularly?"

Egyptologists?

Why do I care?

Because I think my MIL is insisting on this as a way of controlling my DH and treating him like a child. She sees herself as the central figure, her sons' own families are of secondary importance.

AND after the way she treated my husband, his brother, their father and me, I find it sickening that my husband still sees her as his "mummy". But I hope it's just a word he is used to.

But to be fair, she is not the central figure, is she? You are. Be comforted by that knowledge and allow her this minor vanity. Get over it. It could be a lot worse, especially if she was living with you.

no, she isn't the central figure. but by allowing her this much headspace and concerning yourself over what your husband calls her... she will soon become it!

it edoesn't matter. it/s a word. she IS his mummy, whether you like it or not

So how has he previously referred to her:

1. When he is talking to her ?

1. When he is referring to her in the 3rd person. ?

It seems a first, so is it that you're concerned that he's always referred to her in other terms, but now this turns up out of the blue ?

Op I can see why it bothers you. He is infantilising himself. Mummy isn't just a word , he uses it for a reason.

Tis a class thing, and it's alive and kicking in Ireland too. (Mammy would be more rural or working class in the south) However, I think it's more used by the adult daughters in families that use this term when addressing their mother than by the adult sons -- just an observation from my own experience. My DDs all call me mommy as they are American but somehow adopted the style of their Irish rellies. But my DS doesn't, unless in jest.

exH calls his mother Mom and she keeps him on a very short leash. I don't think the name is the make or break element.