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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get upset because my husband calls his mother "mummy"?

82 replies

MarianneM · 09/12/2010 22:05

My MIL is a manipulative, destructive person with undiagnosed mental problems. She has made life very difficult for her two sons and successfully estranged the boys from their father for more than ten years (they are now in touch). She also gave me hell when I started going out with her son. Called me a predatory female and offered me money to go away and so on.

The sons have always been very close to her and she has excercised her power over them even as grown-ups. My husband did break away from her to some extent a few years ago and while he has had a cordial relationship with her since then the emotional bond between them has not been the same.

Today I accidentally saw an email from my husband to his mother referring to her as "Dear Mummy". I found that very weird and upsetting given the history and the fact that in my opinion grown-ups don't call their mothers "mummy". My husband says this is common in Britain (I'm not British). AIBU?

OP posts:
GruffalosGirl · 09/12/2010 23:39

Does your MIL insist on your DH calling her this or is it something that is just historical? I call my dad daddy as a term of endearment and it has nothing to do with him and comes entirely from me, I also call my mum mummy sometimes.

I am not at all posh. Are you sure you don't just dislike any sign of closeness between the two of them due to the history involved?

puffling · 09/12/2010 23:49

If he's not posh, is he Northern Irish? These are the only groups who consistently call their mothers 'mummy.'
Otherwise he's definitely being weird.

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 09/12/2010 23:52

I would not have married a man who calls his mum Mummy, and I would be very upset at finding it out after wards!

YANBU. This is not normal unless he is very posh or they have a strange relationship.

Vile, IMO.

tryingtoleave · 09/12/2010 23:54

I find it odd that my dh calls his parents by their names (not upsetting odd, just not what I was used to). I call my parents mommy and daddy in private, mom and dad when other people are around, as they did with their parents and in-laws. I am fairly sure that I have not heard any friend or family calling their parents anything other than mum and dad.

But what does it matter, really?

Rachy91 · 10/12/2010 00:13

fairymum do you kids really call you by your first name? i couldnt be doing with that, my DD isnt born yet but i love the idea of being called mummy it kinda..backs up the bond i think, im the only person shes going to call mummy and that makes me feel all soppy and special :)

my auntie calls her mam and dad mummy and daddy but shes the only one in our family, i do think its a little strange after a certain age especialy with men but your right, if theyre both comfortable with what he calls her then theres no problem.

saying that, my brother calls my mam mother because she hates it as it makes her feel old!

immortalbeloved · 10/12/2010 00:34

Fairymum, if you hate the name 'mum' so much why on earth did you have it in your username?! Grin

TrillianAstra · 10/12/2010 00:38

YABU to be upset that he calls his mum 'mummy'.

You might not be BU to be upset by a lot of other things he does regarding her, but what he calls her is just what he calls his mother than same way you call your mother mum or mom or ma or mother or whatever you call her. It doesn't mean anything.

ShoppingDays · 10/12/2010 00:57

What difference does it make?

Rachy91 · 10/12/2010 01:23

haha good point immortalbeloved

LaraJade · 10/12/2010 06:09

IME 'mummy' is used by posh / eccentric types + 3 yr olds.
But u are prob more upset by the fact that he's not being open about things with you?
My mum still hates her (now ex) MIL for good reason + still worries about the way her ex-MIL treats her ex-DP. You need to have a good chat with DP.

goingroundthebend4 · 10/12/2010 06:24

i use mum but i admit to used to saying daddyyyyyyyyyyy even as a grown women when I wanted something .

Im mum or mummy or a mam depending which dc is doing the asking

ScroobiousPip · 10/12/2010 06:28

Ah, some good ole British class politics Grin

Obviously mum = wc, mummy = mc, mother or mater = uc. Wink

onceamai · 10/12/2010 06:31

I call mine mummy, dh calls his Audrey, DS calls me mum, dd calls me mama, dh calls me all manner of things that would no doubt wind you lot up but it doesn't bother me.

You need to chill over what she's called - it really doesn't matter; you all need to come to terms with her mental health if that really is a problem as there appears not to have been a diagnosis. In the meantime, you need to accept that you can't change either MIL or DH but you can change the way you handle the difficulties to make them less negative for all of you.

I'm middle class, dh is working class, both went to grammar school. The only one in this house who uses mum is at one of the most exclusive schools in the country Grin.

Xenia · 10/12/2010 06:54

It does tend to be a class thing in the UK. I always used it and my children (including adult children) do. It certainly doesn't mean he is more or less close to her.

Sarsaparilllla · 10/12/2010 08:32

Ugh, I can't stand hearing grown-ups calling their mother 'mummy' - it really gets my heckles up, I think it sounds quite pathetic tbh and if my dp called his mother 'mummy' I don't think I could stand it Confused

Same goes for 'daddy' by the way, only acceptable for anyone under the age of 10

LisaD1 · 10/12/2010 08:32

Don't see that it matters what they are called? DH and all his siblings (all 33+) call their parents Mummy and Daddy, always have, not a class thing but FIL is Indian and I believe it is "normal" in his culture. I call my mum mum and dad is pops, I'm from a rough North London Council estate but now living in posh Surrey - has absolutely no bearing on what I call my parents.

BeenBeta · 10/12/2010 08:40

I call my mother 'Mam' and always have done as I am a Northener.

I have a very posh friend who calls his mother 'Mummy' and he is 55 and always has called her that.

Our DSs have called DW 'Mum' since they were tiny.

I dont see the problem although I might raise an eyebrow at children calling their mother 'Mater' and husbands calling their own DW 'Mummy' is also very strange.

RockinRobinBird · 10/12/2010 09:43

Bitty tendencies? Vile? FFS there really are some immature twats on this thread. Hmm

samay · 10/12/2010 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bonsoir · 10/12/2010 10:09

How can you get worked up about what another person calls their mother (or father)? It's just not an issue for you.

My DD calls me a variety of things: Mummy, Mama, Mum, Maman... and it is no-one's business but hers and mine!

puffling · 10/12/2010 10:10

If you call your mum 'mummy' and it's not usual within your culture to do it,it's odd.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/12/2010 10:11

I call my parents Mummy and Daddy, or Mum and Dad - it is fairly interchangeable.

So do my brothers.

Really don't understand why people get so het up about it, it's only a form of address.

puffling · 10/12/2010 10:11

Am getting quite into this now. So far we've got :
posh
Northern Irish
Indian
bitty munchers
children

Who else says mummy routinely?

middlechild · 10/12/2010 10:17

My DH calls his mum "mummy" - I found this very strange to start with and did mention it to him.

I have to agree - definitely something to do with class, DH went to boarding school, grew up with ponies in the stables, etc. etc.

Doesn't bother me just was a little surprised the first few times but after 10 years together its normal now.

reup · 10/12/2010 10:18

hugh grant in bridget jones

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