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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be unbelievably fed up with constantly asking/reminding DH?

85 replies

CrazyChristmasLady · 09/12/2010 09:27

DH is a good man and from what my friends say, men in general are no different with the things that bug me but I am fed up to the back teeth of having to ask or remind him to do things all the bloody time.

Eg, he gets a sore throat, out come the throat sweets, cue days of me finding the wrappers left everywhere. I have asked him to put them in bin before (I shouldn't have to really) but you can guarantee there will be some left somewhere that I will end up picking up. I have tried just leaving rubbish around that he leaves, but it will just stay there until I deal with it.

I have been waiting for a certain box to go to the charity shop, it has been in our bedroom for months. Finally he is making 2 trips (that I have had to again, remind him about more than once), but as he couldn't carry this box and didn't have time this morning to nip back upstairs and pick it up (despite having been up for an hour and a half) he has said that he will take it to the tip. I usually have to remind him to go to the tip too. Last week we had cardboard boxes from flat pack furniture blocking half the kitchen for nearly 2 weeks.

We use reusable carrier bags, we keep them in the boot of the car as we have no where else to store them. He goes shopping, brings the bags in and will go in and out several times over the following days, but until I actually say "can you take them out to the car please" or get fed up and do it myself, which he will then say "I was going to do that" they will sit in the middle of the kitchen floor. I once put them in the doorway when I knew he was in and out and he just stepped right over them.

I always ask, nicey, I don't scream and shout, I get exasperated and I have told him that it is bad enough I am picking up after a toddler and I shouldn't have to after him all the time but he still does it, and gets huffy with me when I ask him! Things will improve for a few days, then it will go back to normal. I have M.E. and I am 7 months pregnant. I feel like all I do it try and keep things tidy by picking up after others. If I don't do it, the house very quickly ends up in a complete state where it will take me ages to get sorted and DH will say "just leave it" Hmm.

These are just a few examples but it is doing my fucking nut in!!!

OP posts:
trixie123 · 09/12/2010 09:37

perfectly reasonable to have a rant - I am sure we all could write almost identical posts about similar things, taking the bins out, dealing with paperwork putting stuff in the loft, ringing people - that one really gets on my tits - he is trying to sell HIS flat so I can't get involved as its not my name on the deeds or contracts or anything. Weeks have gone by in the process because he forgets to ring the solicitors to chase stuff up and just keep them on the case and then blames me for not reminding him to do it - WHY IS THAT MY JOB? ooh, feel better now, thanks for starting this! Xmas Grin
oh, and don't even get me started on the washing issues - none of us would have clean clohes ever if I waited for him to notice clean things were getting low or the bedding / towels need a wash

Original poster
CrazyChristmasLady · 09/12/2010 09:40

Ha ha, don't get me started on clean towels and bedding. He has never changed any of them. He baths DS and I had to point out yesterday that he hadn't changed the towel for a while.

Oh yes the "why didn't your remind me?" AARRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Xmas Wink

OP posts:
cherrybea · 09/12/2010 09:53

Socks left downstairs EVERY NIGHT!!!
Clothes on top/next to washing basket!!!
Recycle bin overflowing!!!
Washing basket overflowing!!!
He never puts the dry dishes away just piles the ones he's just washed (yes a small mercy) on top of them till something falls off!!!
Nails/drill bits/money/receipts in dirty clothes pockets!!!
The list is endless!

Original poster
CrazyChristmasLady · 09/12/2010 10:00

Its good to get these things off our chests, but I keep remembering more! Xmas Smile

Receipts all over the kitchen sides, clothes always left downstairs, asking "where is DS's pyjamas" funnily enough, they are in the room he is stood right in looking for them, it really isn't a big room!!!!!

Me leaving clean washing on the sofa to go upstairs. It will sit there for days until i heave it upstairs, which he will then look at me and say those words "I was going to do that/I'll do that" What, its taken you 4 days to realise that has it?!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
prettymuchapixiegirl · 09/12/2010 12:11

I think we have the same husband, Crazy. My DH leaves crap everywhere. Shoes, coats, plates, cups, glasses, wrappers, clothes, towels, etc etc etc.

I get fed up with it and leave all his crap, but then he doesn't move it and after several days I get fed up of living in a tip and put it all away.

Lots of men are very lazy!

classydiva · 09/12/2010 12:13

Sounds like a typical man.

KathMCB · 09/12/2010 12:15

Also - saying "I have done the washing" only counts if you have a)washed b)dried c)ironed and d)put away the clothes!!!!!!

MrManager · 09/12/2010 12:15

Sounds like a typical nagging wife.

blackeyedsusan · 09/12/2010 12:16

AAAAGGGHHHHH

snap! the toast popped out of the toaster and ontothe floor. stayed there til I dealt with it even tho he had been asked.

Habanera · 09/12/2010 12:23

yeah! He must be a bigamist.

He thinks he is doing a major deed, to get out the hoover (three times in 2010) or put up a curtain rail (twice- we moved a year ago and they are all broken and urgently need doing, I have had spinal surgery so can't)-then he leaves the hoover/toolkit in the middle of the room he last used it.

Forever.

Occasionally he opens some post-leaves the ripped envelope on the table, and whatever the post is-bill cheque, junk-in a pile somewhere-he does actually DEAL with the post, just makes sure I can't find it or don't know about it. and makes a mess in the process.

Habanera · 09/12/2010 12:24

doesn't deal with it

maktaitai · 09/12/2010 12:26

I'm the useless one in our house. TBH by the time they are an adult, there's not much you can do. Focus on bloody HOUNDING your children to develop their tidiness skills - from sheer shame he may become more aware - they should then pull him up on it and you can remain the good wife while they nag daddy for you.

emmylou157 · 09/12/2010 13:56

Sounds so much like DH. I went away for 2 days last week as my grandma was ill, before I left I emptied the bins but didn't have time to put new bin liners in as wanted to do the 2 1/2 hour drive in dd's nap time. I rang him and said don't put anything in the kitchen bin until you ave put a bin liner in it - or I would have come back to a full bin and an 'oh I didn't notice'. I come back 2 days later takeaway carton littering the house and piled up next to the bin - as there was no bin liner in it. It hadn't even entered his head to put one in!
Washing up piled up in the sink - apparently I'm still expected to do this even though I haven't been in the house.
Washing basket full as he had discovered I had stopped picking up the dirty underwear he leaves on the bedroom floor and had run out of undies - didn't think to actually wash anything!
He always leaves rubbish all over the house and I have started piling it up on top of things that he will want to use however often he will just move it and leave it on the kitchen side.
Quite often will move the recycling i have put by the door for him to put at the end of the drive and just step over it so I have to get out of bed after being up all night with dd and put it out.
Have tried going on strike but it doesn't bother him living in a s**thole so always end up giving in.

I blame his mother! She did everything for him til he moved out.

Thanks for letting me rant

welshbyrd · 09/12/2010 14:35

I do agree with emmylou, about the mothers.

I work with my EX-P mother, she was moaning in work the other day, that his new partner {together 4 years] was to lazy to make her sons sandwiches for work, so she is making them each night,and he collects in the morning before work, as if she didnt, he wouldnt eat Hmm, he"s a fully grown bloody adult, and I told her so, his partner has quite a few children,where do these mothers think partners have got the time.

wussbird · 09/12/2010 14:46

I'm married to this man too!

wussbird · 09/12/2010 14:49

I hate it when DH says stuff like 'oh, btw, I've done the washing/hoovering/emptied the dishwasher.' What do you want, a medal?!

Or if I ask him to put a wash on he'll say 'colours or whites?' LOOK IN THE BASKET FGS!

I suppose at least he does it (v occasionally). Small mercies Grin

Shannaratiger · 09/12/2010 15:01

I'm so glad I'm not the only one, I feel soo much better that I have 3 children, one just happens to be my dp!! Wink - I definately blame his mother and he totaly agrees that she never even let him in the kitchen. Unfortunately my dc's are turning out the same as they never do anything to help either!

cherrybea · 09/12/2010 15:06

yy it's definitely the mothers, cut the apron strings mothers of sons and give the dils of the future a break!

BTW this bloke gets about a bit because I'm married to him too.

marriednotmulled · 09/12/2010 15:25

Has anyone noticed that men who grew up in an all female household are a lot better?

Both DH and an ex of mine lived without fathers but being the only boy with several sisters. They are both far more domesticated than others we all seem to have encountered.

They don't leave the loo seat up either

festivecoatgate · 09/12/2010 15:31

Don't get me started. Well go on then. Whenever I start to do a job which has needed doing for days he pipes up with "I'll do that". Why the feck didn't he do it four fecking days ago? I leave stuff on the washing machine by the back door for him to take the garage, and days and days and days go by. Eventually I leave it by the gate, in the snow. Every bloody night he leaves the butter and marmalade out, after his late night marmalade sandwich habit has kicked in. He leaves the downstairs shower room light on all night, and then moans at DD if she leaves a light on. Oh shit, need to go and do something else as I am getting angry now........

RandyRussian · 09/12/2010 15:42

Had this out with my XP's mum once.
She just laughed and said she used to curse her MIL in exactly the same way and was just passing it on! Confused

Shodan · 09/12/2010 15:46

Dh varies wildly. On the one hand he'll be leaning across me in the kitchen to wipe up one teeny weeny spill (not all the spills, you note, just the one that requires him to get in my way the most); on the other he'll stuff his 'important paperwork' NOT in the filing cabinet thingy expressly bought for the purpose but instead in the nice cleared-of-crap bookcase.

I have discovered that there is no point leaving things in doorways/the middle of the stairs- they will just be stepped over and ignored.

But he is totally anal about the glasses- he will hunt all over the house for one, demanding to know who's used more than one glass in a day and why.

Strange chaps, men.

feistychickfightingthebull · 09/12/2010 15:55

This is also my dh he makes me so mad

rockinhippy · 09/12/2010 15:56

even the good ones still do it some way or another, mine isn't so bad, in that he is pretty good around the house - thats if you call tidying up shoving things in bags & hiding it Hmm he does hoocer, wash up etc etc, without been asked & doesn't require a march passed afterwards & even leaves the loo seat down :)

but he is known around here as "last minute Larry" as he just seems to be completely unable to do things in good time, or in correct sequence etc Hmm I've even tried dating things & getting him to sign that he's heard me Grin but he then just denies all knowledge & tells me I've forged it Hmm its bloody INFURIATING Angry

a classic example is this week, I have health problems that mean I just physically can't do certain things, so I really need him to help..... weeks ago I really struggled to paint our kitchen, got so sick of asking, I did it myself & made myself ill with the ceiling, so I couldn't finish the utility room, & asked him to do the ceiling, & that I would finish the walls, as its only small....gave up even thinking about getting the living room done as I knew asking would just wind me up Hmm

SOOOoo......come this week, I need the front windows cleaned by a certain time/day & ask him.......does he do it, does he bloody hell Angry .......instead he comes upstairs all proud of himself that he's just painted the bloody ceilings instead....including the living room 1...& then can't understand why I'm p'd off Hmm [hair tearing out smiley]

pleasechange · 09/12/2010 16:01

I feel your pain. I have to constantly nag DH to get him to keep his side of the bedroom in any sort of state of order whatsover. It's like sharing a room with a dreadfully messy student. Common probs are

  • up to 6 pairs of shoes littered over bedroom floor
  • dirty tissues on bedside table/floor
  • various sets of clothing on chair/floor in bedroom
  • magazines all over bedroom floor
  • half-emptied gym bag on bedroom floor

Other gripes are

  • coins & receipts all over kitchen worktop
  • c.d's/wires/gadgets over every surface in the house
  • crumbs left on kitchen worktop daily

And then he gets grumpy with me when I ask him to tidy up after himself. FFS I don't expect to have to tell him to act like a civilised human being!