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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my HV is ridiculous...

70 replies

linziluv · 08/12/2010 19:05

I took my son, 2 yrs 7 mths to his 2 yr health check today. Everything else seems OK but as he's missing letters off words and not communicating as he "should" be for his age, my HV has insisted on referring us to speech and language therapy!
This is apparently our fault as he still occasionally has a bottle at bed time, and clearly not that children develop differently!
What did people do before SALT?! Did kids go to high school either mute or babbling like a toddler?! I think not!
Is it really wrong to find "weets" (sweets) and "ight ight mummy" really cute!!?

OP posts:
MoonUnitAlpha · 08/12/2010 19:10

There's no harm in seeing a SALT is there?

As for before SALTs, I guess lots of children had untreated speech impediments/disorders.

LadyThumb · 08/12/2010 19:11

She's spouting absolute crap about the bottle!
My son didn't start talking until he was 18 months old, and was hard to understand up to the age of 3. He can now talk the hind legs off a donkey - and I can understand every word (mind you, he IS 26!!).

create · 08/12/2010 19:12

DS1 only had a few words at his 2 year check and it was kindly explained to me all about how I must help by saying the words as I handed him something he pointed to etc.

He was put on the list for speech therapy too, but long before the appointment came through he was talking in long sentences. By the time he started school I was told he was the most articulate boy in the class. Of course they all develop differently. DS1 is no longer the best talker in the class BTW, lots of others have caught up now, proving that again.

MsKalo · 08/12/2010 19:12

No of course it is not wrong! HV's can make you really worry can't they?! If you are happy with how he is developing then that is all that matters. You know best! I don't know if the bottle at bedtime is a problem, I know toddlers who still have them and others who don't. I don't know what is right or wrong but there will come a time when it will feel like - to you or to your boy - that you will move on from the bottle. Does a little boy really need to go to speech therapy at his age and feel like he is doing something wrong? I think not! And anyway, you will find that I'm the next few months as he gets nearer to three he will change much! X

fel1x · 08/12/2010 19:12

It may sound sweet to you but if he needs help them the hv is doing the right thing to refer him now.
My ds was referred at a similar age. He still has to do some speech therapy at age 5 in order that he can keep up with learning phonics at school. I'm very grateful to my hv for being so on the ball and enabling my son to get the help he needed.

Flisspaps · 08/12/2010 19:12

If you don't want him to see the SALT, then just don't turn down the appointment when it comes.

thisisyesterday · 08/12/2010 19:13

i think there is no harm seeing a SALT actually

i agree that he sounds absolutely fine, but you know the waiting list for SALT is usually really long, so if there does happen to be an issue then he's in the system already.
and if not then no harm done

i would rather be referred "just in case" than not be referred and it ended up there was a problem

Original poster
linziluv · 08/12/2010 19:13

No harm at all...I just feel bullied all the time by these people. They criticize everything I do. I'm 24 yrs old and he's my first child so not a pro by any means.. It's just getting me down...it was his weight first, now that has evened out they have found summat else to criticize.

OP posts:
SantasENormaSnob · 08/12/2010 19:14

All the anecdotal evidence in the world will not detract from the actual evidence based research on which your hv should be basing her practice on.

Yabu

Flisspaps · 08/12/2010 19:16

If you feel bullied, then you don't have to see the HV you know.

borderslass · 08/12/2010 19:22

Its better to have him checked out when he's really young, when I was younger I was under speech therapy but it didn't start until I was about 7.
DS was under speech therapy from 2 and a half after he stopped talking and it was more like play therapy at that age.

Original poster
linziluv · 08/12/2010 19:22

I'm not saying that I don't understand about evidence based practice (I'm a student nurse!)...I just feel there is a pattern where HV make parents feel they're doing something wrong!
I'm just absolutely sure he's just a little slower at speaking than some!
My cousin was referred as a toddler...had "actual" speech problems...he's just completed a degree in zoology and marine biology so my point is not that he's being referred at all, just that he seems a little young!
I didn't realize it takes so long so hoping he'll be up to their idea of normal by then!!

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 08/12/2010 19:23

it could well take months for the appt to come through.. i had similar with DD, by the time hte appt came round, she was fine, but had she not been fine, it would have been a long wait for an appt

SummerRain · 08/12/2010 19:24

ds2 was referred very early for SALT thanks to our wonderful PHN (HV equivalant). I'm eternally grateful to her and the SALT who bumped him up the list so that he could begin therapy a bit younger as with his issues the younger they start the better chance of success.

He's non verbal though, and doesn't make many sounds as well as having had feeding issues for the first 18 months of his life.

The way he talks may be cute now but would you find it as cute at 6/7/8 years of age?

Don't fight the HCP becasue you're a young mum and feel 'got at', fight them if they're wrong... which in this case they aren't. (and i had 3 babies at your age so i don't mean that in a patronising way but as one who's been there)

Lulumaam · 08/12/2010 19:24

it's not a criticism, she is duty biound to offer teh referral if your son is not meeting his milestones, allowing for children to develop at different rates

bruffin · 08/12/2010 19:29

My DS was referred at the 2.5 health check because his language wasn't that clear. The reason I was give was that there was such a long wait for SALT that if we waited until he was 3 then he may not have seen someone for another 6 months. He saw a SALT until he was 5 for mild immaturities ie saying tat instead of cat etc
I would say at the time I could understand him no problem, but looking back at videos of him when he was little, his speach really wasn't clear at all. I was just used to the way he spoke.

CrazyChristmasLady · 08/12/2010 19:30

She is doing her job.

I'm sure she has better things to do than make referrals that aren't necessary.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 08/12/2010 19:33

if she didnt do it and his speech continued to develop at below "normal" rate she would be in trouble. Yes its cute now but when his at nursery and nursery staff cant understand he may upset himself.
These things take months and the SALT would be able to tell if its just a language delay or a disorder.

SantasENormaSnob · 08/12/2010 19:33

So as a student nurse you are well aware of the guidelines, policies and procedures that have to be adhered to by the hcp.

Very much doubt she is referring without good reason.

Still think yabu.

taintedsnow · 08/12/2010 19:34

My cousin stopped seeing her HV very early on because she thought she knew it all. Her DD, now 5, had and has extremely noticable speech problems but it was not picked up because she wasn't in regular enough contact with 'professionals', and as a result, the first year of primary etc has been a struggle. IMO, it's a good thing that HV's are so diligent with things like this. Of course some of them get it wrong, some are pompous shitbags, but some are worth their weight in gold.

As others have said, take this appointment for what it is, and if your DS needs help when the time comes, at least he will be in the system.

Lulumaam · 08/12/2010 19:36

I had similar, bruffin, with DD, I Understood her perfectly, i was used to her, DH could manage, but other people really struggled, she used her own language for ages! It was cute, but the flipside was she could have had a speech delay.

kind of shocked that as a student nurse, you thikn that SALT is unecesary and your HV , by following protocol etc is actually bullying and critizing you

far better to have the referral than to be posting in 12 months time that your DS has a speech delay and the wait for any help is 6 months

TattytinsellooksDevine · 08/12/2010 19:40

You dont have to see the HV

You dont have to see the SALT

If you dont agree, then opt out. You are a grown-up who can make her own decisions and use her own instincts. If you think there is no need, opt out.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 08/12/2010 19:40

9 months+ wait in our area

HV is getting DS into the system

Bottles at bedtime are not a good idea from a dental health POV

what other issues are there - you say in your OP that he's not communicating as he should be - can you give us a bit more info?

mumoffourkids · 08/12/2010 19:41

If the HV has concerns then she has a professional responsibility to do so. I know that this might feel like a criticism of your son and possibly also of yourself but it really isn't.

BTW, I don't know why you consider yourself a 'young mum' - you're 24 for goodness sake not 16. I'm wondering if your possibly projecting your own view of yourself onto your HV and being a bit oversensitive. I genuinely don't understand why an adult woman should think she's too young to be a mother

MickyLee · 08/12/2010 19:41

My DS (18 months) hasn't even said his first word yet! You are getting me worried now Confused