to make him see it through?

[pamelat]

Long story but DH really really really upset me a couple of weeks back.

Complete abuse of trust, was going to leave, had big talks, working on it now etc etc etc

Posted in relationships about it.

I was all for ending it but I love him and he promised to now be "perfect" in his own words. He also said "and I will now do all night stuff with DS".

This swung it for me

DD 2.10, DS 7 months, poor sleeper

I have DS all time and DD all but 2 days a week, I am on maternity leave. I find it hard work, especially with both of them

So AIBU to take DH up on his offer of doing all night stuff with DS?

2 weeks in he is complaining about it, about being tired and having work to go to etc and I am feeling a tad guilty but it was his idea and although he is forgiven, I am still unimpressed.

Another few weeks at least ........ ???

bit of internetting for my DH is looking at some weird niche gadget site, possibly ordering an obscure bit of hardware or maybe a bit of shopping and spending too much ££ on clothes.

not looking at escorts .

don't allow him to diminish this

how would he feel if you were doing this? looking for hot dates near where you live>

he'd farking hate it

Twat.

After all you have said and after all the 'begging' he did - 2 weeks later it's 'just a bit of internetting'.

Pamelat :(

I was where you are, with my xh. He also accused me of stripping all the pleasure from his life- or something very similar, anyway.

Coincidentally, he also lied about having given up smoking.

The trouble is, you convince yourself you're 'ok' with things, that maybe you're over-dramatising, that all men look at porn/contact escort agencies/whatever and that you and you alone have a problem with it. So your compromise your values. You lose a bit of pride. You start to believe that you're actually not worth having a man who respects you, who wants to cherish you. Because every time you object to a behaviour, you're belittled. You're made out to be a joy-sucking leech.

You never know where you are with an habitual liar. It's soul-destroying. And it also destroys any confidence you have in yourself.

All this may or may not apply to you. But I see a pattern with you h's behaviour and that of my xh. I lost count of the broken promises and repeated assurances that things would change. They never did.

Think very hard about what this man means to you. He doesn't, I'm afraid, sound like the kind of man that will enrich your life in any way.

I think the saddest thing is that he genuinely believes he is not 'that' person and is cross with himself for being 'that' person (lying/porn/the 'once off' escort site/smoking lies/slight alcohol dependency) and he believes that he can now just 'not be that person' but then by making him someone he truely isnt, he will resent me ?????????

"the just a bit of internetting" he later apologised about and says doesnt want to belittle it but just wants it to be forgotten/done with and wants me to put it in perspective.

I feel awful as he is now so upset again but I need to deal with my anger first. I thought I had, didnt take much to bring it back did it ??? Thank you all.

Pamelat - Shodan summed it all up really well. I have been trying really really hard not to say this, because it isn't completely clear cut and I think that all too often on MN we do rush in and say 'leave him' but the pattern is all too familiar - he's like a couple of ex's all thrown into one pot - and they are ex's each for a good reason. Think very carefully, because you don't want to wake up in 10 years time, wishing you had left now :( It is sad that he believes he isn't that person - but the thing is what do you believe?

How are you today pamelat?

Hello

DD has vomiting bug and has been sick all day, probably about 20 times, which has kind of taken my mind of it. Poor mite

DH promises he can change, whilst I am not strong/determined enough to leave, I promise this is a very last chance. I left my ex boyf when he cheated on me (dont have much luck do I!!)

Pamelat - sorry to hear about DD :(

I hope that was a promise to yourself and not to us?! It sounds like a sensible promise to make to yourself - but I'll be here - no matter how long it takes for you to be happy with life and no matter how many times you forgive him/make promises - the support is not conditional in any way.

Take care of yourself and DD and do what is right for you. Post or don't post it's up to you - PM if you prefer. Just look after yourself x

(I have 2 long term ex-partners and several short term ex-partners - I've learnt a lot along the way . It all makes us who we are - no need for blushes x]