Ok, I am probably going to get flamed, but I would like to ask a question...

[InkyStamp]

Ok

A lot of the time I see people say they dont have time to help their child with out of school hours child related things.

I understand people have full time jobs, more than on child etc.

However, and I ask this in a genuine way, not a judgemental way, is it a question of priorities?

Yes, we need to have dinner on the table and they may need bathing etc. But surely, a childs project and or homework and or activity (not scouts or ballet) but something they need for class should take precedence over, say, the ironing or washing the floor?

Surely there is time for doing that after they are in bed? Yes, it is tiring and really, who can be arsed to do the floors at 11pm, but isnt school work more important?

Yes, we need to keep the house clean and livable. I understand that.

But I would rather devote the time to doing school stuff with/for my child and then do housework afterwards/on the weekend. I think it is important to take an active and enthusiastic role in my childs education. (not saying that anyone doesnt, I am just explaining my thinking)

So, I am asking, I suppose, what it is that means you dont have time? (genuine question)

I understand that there is a debate about whether school should send stuff home. But weather you like it or not, they do. This question is not to debate that - we all have various thoughts on that issue that have been debated over and over on here.

My thinking is that for people who work full time, it genuinely IS a case of not having time. Get home at 6 or later, feed the kids, bath then it is their bedtime. Then I understand, I honestly do. That would be hard!

My question is for the people who dont work? Or who work school hours?

Sorry I cant really word my question very well, but hopefully people see that I am not meaning to be judgemental, and that I am genuinely interested. I am not setting out to start an argument or offend anyone or bash any particular group of people. Sorry!

At primary school, definitely. I'm another one who thinks there's too much emphasis on homework at primary level.

Actually, we should all be supporting each other, shouldn't we? Never mind how we do things - we're all different and we all have different priorities. If I don't give my DD enough help with her homework, it isn't because I don't love her with all my heart and want the best for her.

i quite enjoyed listening to reading at bed time - sigh, i'm getting old....

Ah, I miss that stage too. Although my nephew (aged 6) sometimes reads to me now. He always does it as though he's doing me a huge favour and indulging me, though!

rotsm: what do you do when you don't understand their homework?

maybe it's just me....

I don't mind doing spellings and times tables with my son ...(anything that doesn't involve paper and can be done in the car. bath ect) and we read every night as part of the bed time routine but any other homework is down to him to do / remember to do and to hand in on time - he is 8 and it is his homework not mine.

He has always been responsible for his homework (of course he can ask questions) he has also done Maths program since he was 4 and has to do their homework every night for 10-20 minutes - he just gets on with it.

Errrr .... Google, ring my dad, that sort of thing! Or write a note to the teacher saying we tried but we have no idea what he/she is talking about (I have honestly done that!)

I have some useful books for maths and the sciences (the Usbourne ones, I can highly recommend them); English I can usually cope with; I speak French, Spanish and German fluently (travelling parents!) so can help with those. DH adores history and is a mine of useless old information and did a Geography A'level and has vague recollections which are sometimes helpful. And if there's any art homework, DD1 does that because she likes art and DD2 doesn't!

What do you do?!

Whoever is looking after the DC after school can supervise homework, it doesn't need to be a parent.

I find it hard to fit in during the summer, much more interesting things to do.

I've never supervised DS's homework.
He once asked me to explain something to him, which I did.
What am I supposed to do?
I guess if your child has difficulties, sure, but other than that, it's them who are supposed to do the work?

rotsm: we tend to use t'inteweb, but you are never sure if it's correct.

sometimes i go down to town to visit library for stuff

have also written note to teacher - how sad!!!

it's less information stuff, than understanding concepts, if you get me...

I am currently mumsnetting while dd (aged 12) is sat at the table doing her homework.

I am facilitating this. I am keeping the room quiet, I made her a snack when she came in, I put the dictionary on the table - cleared it and put the pens out.

While she is doing homework I am available to help her if she needs it.

facilitating homework is important - a lot of parents don't do this. I make the space and keep it quiet for her. I also go through it after and see if she is happy with it.

And then I'm taking her out to get Chinese food

"a childs project and or homework and or activity"

these things should be done by the CHILD

Ooooh, Chinese ... you've given me an idea. I really couldn't think what to do for supper tonight and a take away might be just the job!

Kathy, if I have a REAL problem, I ask DD1, who at 16, knows EVERYTHING (apparently) and is usually well able to explain to DD2. Actually, to her credit, she's really good and patient with her. Unlike me. I'm as likely to cry as DD2 is!

Laurie, I agree that facilitating is important. I try to make sure it is all quiet and peaceful too, and offer regular (soft)drinks, that sort of thing. Whilst topping up my own glass of wine, of course.

school work and projects should be done by the child. If they are too young to do it alone then it is not suitable for them and I would have a word with the school.

I do oversee that my DS attempts all his homework, spelling practise etc etc but if he finds somethgin too hard I let the teacher know.

I would rather do other things with him. I don;t see schoolwork as a priority, I see living a full life as a priority.

Lauri I agree, I facilitate DS's homework, but I don't sit down and do it with him. I am there if he needs help.

You don't say why homework is important though.

Where young children are concerned... I've been shifting towards unschooling over the last year and I can't say I've noticed my children being too far behind their schooled peers.

Children are learning whatever they are doing. Reading a school book has no more value than reading a 'fun' book. Sticking bits of cardboard together has no special value above playing outside, just because a teacher gave it a magic label of 'homework'.

A lot of you have made some good points. I definitely take them on board.

I apologise to anyone who thinks I am being judgemental. That truly wasnt my intent. Perhaps as someone said, AIBU wasnt the best place to post.

I especially feel bad that I may have made someone feel horrible and small. :( Especially Returnofthesmartarse. Sorry :(

I also want to add that i am in no way a perfect parent. Far from it. I get things wrong on a daily basis and I am sure I will continue to do so.

I am also really crap at getting my thoughts across coherently! Apologies again to all.

Both DH and I work - during the week DS1 (in reception) is up at 6.30ish most days and I leave the house at 7.30 so have that time to get him and his brother ready as well as myself (DH leaves before me more often than not), his packed lunch ready and breakfast on the table - I get home at 6.30ish if I'm lucky and have a 25 minute window to try to do his reading book with him, his speech therapy exercises and talk to him and DS2 about their days before its the half hour battle to get them into bed. When they're in bed I sort out his book bag for the next day, sort out stuff he needs to take in for school for school projects, make dinner and do some more work. DH is often home around 9sh. I'm dreading what happens when DS1 gets more homework to do - at the moment 25 minutes is literally the maximum I can devote to it during the week...

Oh, don't worry, Inky. I'm just a bit down at the moment anyway, I think. DD2 is struggling with life and school and it's having a knock-on effect. But I'm sure it's a passing phase! Thank you for apologising, though - that was sweet of you! I know it wasn't your intention to make me feel useless. And you made a very good point anyway. We all need to sit back and re-evaluate the way we do things occasionally, so perhaps this is the kick up the backside that I need!

I must go now and finish up at work. Girl Guides tonight (I'm the parent helper), then sodding homework! I shall do the floor and the PTA emails when they're in bed.

Carmensandiego makes a very good point.

I have no idea why people fall into this trap of thinking that homework is valuable for primary school children when it patently isn't.

As long as you fit in some reading, and help with spellings and learning times tables. filling in worksheets or doing projects really should be done in teh school day.

They have enough homework when they get to senior school, believe me.

There was NO difference in dd and kids who went to primary schools which had regular homework (when they hit high school that is).

Leatrning things at home, such as how to make an omelette, how to wash windows, or just sitting there with mum and watching a film together - these are far more valuable than completing a bit of homework.

Ok, the homework in itself isn't valuable but learning to do it and organise it is.

There is enough stress in the transition to secondary school without also worrying that you haven't taught your kid that homework is a part of life.

I 'trained' dd early so that it didn't come as a shock - I made no big deal of the actual homework but just made the space possible for her to do it (and encouraged her).

That way there was no big surprise when she was actually asked to write a story at secondary school or do some maths.

Learning to organise yourself is the biggest thing they focus on in Yr 7 - do you have your PE kit? is your homework planner signed? Have you remembered your books?

All of that organisational ability contributes to being able to do homework.

My DC is 4yo.

This is what gets brought home weekly:

3 reading books (one swapped Mon, Wed, Fri)
A list of words to learn to read
A piece of homework (e.g draw a healthy lunchbox and label the foods)

We leave for school at 8.15, and home at 3.30. It's a long day and at the end of it he's fit for nothing but T.V. Then it's dinner, bath, stories (our own) and bed for 6.45pm.

I struggle to get it all done, but your thread made me feel guilty so straight after school we completed homework, although it was half hearted due to him beign so tired.

The school books are ponitless (IMO) being read before bed as it doesn't get taken in, and I've got no chance of him attempting to read it as his eyes are half shut by that point!

I'm hoping next term he will be more used to a full school day and hopefully the tiredness will subside.

We do all we can to support dc at school and with any homework they may have.

I def def agree that primary homework (other than reading, which should be encouraged as a pleasure rather than a chore anyway) isn't especially vital imo; but we are interested and ensure it is done properly.

I detest those photocopied sheets that get sent home for us to explain (ie teach) and that aren't really studied properly in class. But I'd never make my point or feelings known via dc and not helping if required as a protest.

I do think the larger the family the more complex the homework/family life conundrum is. Homework for different ages is very difficlt to juggle around a busy family life and sometimes Sundays or weekends have been spoiled because of it which I think is very wrong.

MsFox doing the reading in the morning can be more useful. Lots of primary school teachers I know say that in reception and year 1 there is so much crowd control with 30 kids that they are relying on the parents to "teach" their child.

I changed my working hours to leave the office at 4pm because we just could not keep up with homework commitments etc otherwise and the kids were cream crackered when we got home.

saying that our school give them far too much homework IMO.