Ok, I am probably going to get flamed, but I would like to ask a question...

[InkyStamp]

Ok

A lot of the time I see people say they dont have time to help their child with out of school hours child related things.

I understand people have full time jobs, more than on child etc.

However, and I ask this in a genuine way, not a judgemental way, is it a question of priorities?

Yes, we need to have dinner on the table and they may need bathing etc. But surely, a childs project and or homework and or activity (not scouts or ballet) but something they need for class should take precedence over, say, the ironing or washing the floor?

Surely there is time for doing that after they are in bed? Yes, it is tiring and really, who can be arsed to do the floors at 11pm, but isnt school work more important?

Yes, we need to keep the house clean and livable. I understand that.

But I would rather devote the time to doing school stuff with/for my child and then do housework afterwards/on the weekend. I think it is important to take an active and enthusiastic role in my childs education. (not saying that anyone doesnt, I am just explaining my thinking)

So, I am asking, I suppose, what it is that means you dont have time? (genuine question)

I understand that there is a debate about whether school should send stuff home. But weather you like it or not, they do. This question is not to debate that - we all have various thoughts on that issue that have been debated over and over on here.

My thinking is that for people who work full time, it genuinely IS a case of not having time. Get home at 6 or later, feed the kids, bath then it is their bedtime. Then I understand, I honestly do. That would be hard!

My question is for the people who dont work? Or who work school hours?

Sorry I cant really word my question very well, but hopefully people see that I am not meaning to be judgemental, and that I am genuinely interested. I am not setting out to start an argument or offend anyone or bash any particular group of people. Sorry!

i have dc and life is a chaotic whirlwind that often overwhelms me, i aim to feed everyone nutritious meals and keep on top of the washing/drying. baby throws food on floor constantly and toddler wets bed and has accidents etc..i aim to keep the house non hazardous, whilst playing, dealing with tantrums, conversing constantly..

it drives me mad when school sends home inane superfluous 'homeworks', more crap to have to search for in the morning. no homework before secondary school please, reading with primary children or the odd bit of essential topic work is enough

I don't prioritise doing homework with my 7 y/o and 9 y/o children at all. It often doesn't get done and I send a note in to school explaining why. The dc are both doing very well at school. They read a lot, on their own and with me.

what do you do when your kid is far cleverer than you?

i am great at early years education, but the level dd is working at now just leaves me completely baffled!!!!!

she is a REALLY clever kid!

calculus - i mean........

It's often about timing for a working parent. Priority is to get a good dinner prepared and served. Then some reading while it is cooking, but often the child is getting too tired for much concentration by around 6pm.

I used to get really cheesed off with the type of homework sent home by school which often involved endless games on sheets of A4 paper that had to be cut out and played with cards or coins. They certainly weren't fun or interesting and couldn't be done alone.

Reading scheme books were entirely coma inducing too and very hard to get the children interested in.

School have the child for enough hours as it is, they should plan their time better to get all the necessary done during those hours.

I don't think school should be allowed to intrude too much on the child's family time.

Does it matter what others do?

Weirdly if Ds has a school project I expect him to do it himself or ask me for help. As I work full time and we both get home late the window for opportunity is pretty limited. I encourage him but not more than that.

I think homework at primary school age adds nothing to a child's learning but that is a topic for a whole other thread.

Mine are at a highly selective indie school who suprisingly don't agree with homework in YR&1 other than reading practice. In Y2 it's a gentle ease in and build up to Y3.

They don't finish until 3.50 and they use that last half hour for what they call 'consolidation and airing of confusions'. Basically, they go over what they've done to check everyone has a clear understanding and to consolidate what they've learned.

So, I guess in my mind, at infant level, the only earthly reason for homework would be consolidation and at infant level there should be time for this within the school day.

Also, I must take issue with the OP on the 'not Scouts or ballet comment'. I positively want their time outside school to be fun and frivolous and exactly things like Scouts and ballet and yes, even the occasional evening in front of the tv. They need down time and fun time after school and at weekends.
And SHOCK HORROR!!! Not everything they do needs to be educational.

I am a SAHM who often does not "have time" to make my oldest DC do his homework perfectly. We always do some, but never the added challenge.

For me, if I am honest, this because:

1.)DC1 has 3 IEPs and I need to read and write with him for 10 mins EVERY day, on top of normaL homework. Keeping on top of his writing and reading takes precedence over other homework.

2.) DC1 finds it hard to concentrate and after a whole day of school, needs some time to relax and play. Sometimes he is sinmply not "up for more homework" and then I leave it (try to judge this carefully and encourage, but not push).

3.) DC1 sometimes have tantrums about doing homework, and sometimes if I've had a tough day I don't feel up to the challenge to "make him" do it (and working through the shouting and doorslamming first).

4.) Some days I think homework is just b&llocks, they spend plenty of time at school. kids need to play and do sport too.

That is just DC1, I will not start about DC2 here as you may get bored.

Anyway, how many DC do you have OP? Is it a girl (or a relatively obedient boy?) by any chance? Are you quite young? Do you have only 2 children or less?

I know you try to sound "nice" but you still come across as judgemental, somhow.

IMO, activities like Scouts and ballet are very important.

They teach discipline, teamwork, respect for the environment, planning and action, consequences, all sorts of incredibly valuable life skills necessary for being a happy, healthy human being. And exercise.

'Yep. And when they are too young to do it largely on their own they shouldn't be getting it IMO. '

Completely agree.

My 4-year-old has homework.

I do it with her because she has it and is too young to do it on her own.

But I think that's BS.

I feel about this big now.

.

I usually get home from work about 6.30pm and by the time the DDs have told me about their day and I've got the supper on, we're all far too tired for homework. Obviously we still have to do it (mine are secondary school age) but I struggle, I really do.

rotsm: chill, nobody's perfect!

Certainly not me.

This has just hit a nerve, I think, because I don't feel I'm coping with everything at the moment. Probably just need an early night!

Me and DH both work full-time. I get home with the DCs at 18:30 earliest every evening. DH is usually not in until 19:00 and is often away. DS is in reception and DD in nursery.

We get a lot of homework for DS - things like reading, phonics, maths as well as art projects and things to do for the PTA. It's a real struggle to fit it all in and DS is so tired in the evenings it's impossible to get him to concnetrate on the more difficult things without a meltdown.

I try to get as much done as possible at the weekend and I try to work from home at least once a fortnight so I can collect him directly from school and we can do his homework. It is hard though and I do feel guilty a lot of the time that I'm ruining his chances. I know his teacher would like me to do more although she has admitted that he is doing pretty well at the moment.

Was I supposed to think my five year old more important than my 3 year old, or my three year old than the baby?

You're talking to the wrong audience. The people that can't be bothered are not on here talking about it. Most people strugge and manage and plough on and get by.

We used to help the girls with homework when asked but now they are teenagers things are different. They get on with their homework when they get in from school, or they stay in the school library and work (often with a friend) and catch a later bus. DH and I both get in about 6.30pm from work.

In the evening we are not often called on to help but sometimes we have to test them on vocab or help with maths or science. What we do do regularly is buy textbooks and revision guides to help with homework/revision. Plus we provide up to date computing and printing facilities at home.

With the correct infrastructure in place (books, Google) most help can now be given from the comfort of the sofa while sipping a glass of wine .

I don't get home from work till 7:30. So it's not about me having not enough time, or my priorities - it's about the kids being far too tired to do homework when I'm around.

Empire, I need to take a leaf out of your book. I like your attitude! My eldest doesn't need any help, but the youngest has no confidence whatsoever and pretty much needs her hand held through every task. She's supposed to have 1.5 hours homework every evening (year 8) but it always takes more. She isn't usually home until 6.30 herself because has sports after school so it really is a problem getting it all done. She's giving up ballet and netball next term because she's just too tired to do it all. As am I!

You sound so chilled and I'm going to try to be more so, because then perhaps she will be too.

I'm obviously having "one of those days" - you know the ones, when you beat yourself up about not being good at anything.

Doing school project is not the most important thing in life, frankly.

I am thankful that dd's school latterly adopted a no homework policy. It is utterly absurd to have a child spend all day at school and then have worksheets etc to complete at home. Other than daily reading and spellings to learn homework was not done in out house. It is simply not necessary for a primary school child.

Ad hoc projects - I gave dd the wherewithal (such as paper, trips to the library to get out suitable books etc) but she managed her project herself. I simply am not one of those parents who needs to validate themselves by ensuring that their child completes the best projects, where parental 'help' is distinct.

DD and I spent time togethr doing things which were a lot more useful than projects - she helped me cook and clean (she can cook brilliantly now), gardened with me, played sports and normal family things. And I worked full time and was studying for a degree in the evening - frankly she had to learn that mummy's calculations were important and needed to be completed, and to fit in with that.

Not bothering with 'projects' has had no detrimental effect - she is in year 10 and i recieved her report yesteerday - despite being quite severely dyslexic she is predicted 12 GCSEs at A or A*.

OP - when you work full you do what you can. And what I did was good enough frankly.

If you are genuinely interested, perhaps post in 'chat' rather than AIBU??

Of course school work is important - but it should be done by the child. Perhaps doing the ironing whilst child is sat at table doing said homework/project may lead to productive discussion, makes child and parent feel involved and gets the ironing done? Obviously that means turing TV/radio off.

I remember sitting at the kitchen table doing my homework whilst my mum cooked tea and we discussed/debated what I was doing and I could ask questions.

Let me breakdown my after school time for you:

Back by about 3.40. Tidy away coats while kids put shoes away. Get snacks and drinks and have cuddles and debrief. Feed baby and change her nappy. All this takes me to around 4.15.

4.15 prepare dinner - takes ages as I'm generally interrupted to wipe pre-schoolers bum, stop an argument, pick up crying baby etc etc.

5pm sit down to dinner.

5.30pm Finish dinner

5.40pm leave to fetch husband from train station (we have only one car).

Back by 6.10pm. Kids in bath or just generally spending time with hubby.

6.30pm supper

7pm bed

Of course there will be 10 or 15 mins here and there in that routine which is 'spare' but I certainly don't intend to prioritise school stuff - unless my kids want to do it. Likewise activities. DD (aged 6) is happy with just one activity at the moment. As she gets older she'll have more opportunities available to her and so we will have to push bedtime back or whatever to accomodate that.

Once school stuff DOES become a priority the kids will be going to bed later and so it will be less of an issue. You seem to be making a MASSIVE assumption that if people don't do homework with their YOUNG children of an evening it's because they are prioritising housework??? Why would you assume that?

"It is hard though and I do feel guilty a lot of the time that I'm ruining his chances"

No you are not ruining his chances - please don't feel guilty, that is one of the saddest things I have seen on here for a while.

You are doing your very best. Don't let a teacher browbeat you into thinking your child has been let down by the fact that you work for a living.

He will be fine. 6 hours a day working for a child is enough.

Don't beat yourself up! Just do the best you can with helping your dc's with homework, if that fits with what you feel is best fo them and for you, and don't worry about what other people do, or say they do.

I cannot say this enough - homework for primary age children is completely unecessary

I wish more schools would adopt a no-homework policy.