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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to give away some of my DD's Christmas presents

24 replies

Lambzig · 07/12/2010 11:29

Bit of a spoiled problem to have so I hope I dont get flamed.

My DD is 9 months old and will be 10 months at christmas and I am completely overwhelmed with the number of gifts and presents for Christmas she has been given. People have gone a bit mad and my house is full of wrapped boxes, she now has over 40 presents waiting for her (mainly toys by the look of it).

Dont get me wrong, I am incredibly touched by people's generosity and caring about her so much and I am really grateful and she is so lucky. However, there is no way that she can appreciate all of this at her age and am I wrong to think she may be a bit overwhelmed by it all?

My idea is that it would be better to give a some of them (keeping those from people who would find out close friends and family of course) to a charity, or hospital. Or am I being mean and an ungrateful madam (my DH's view)? Are there charities that want this sort of thing?

OP posts:

BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster · 07/12/2010 11:33

I don't think that you are being ungrateful. There's only so much that a small child can play with. Your local childrens ward are always grateful for toys.

BigHairyGruffalo · 07/12/2010 11:36

How do you think people would feel if they found out that you gave their presents away? I think you should at least discuss it with them first.

TwinklePants · 07/12/2010 11:36

I think it's nice that you would want to give to charity and in theory your daughter has many more presents than she can probably use/appreciate, so that would be one solution.

Have to say though that I would be mightily cheesed off if I was one of the people who picked a present especially and found it had never been given to her.

Could you not give away most of her old toys and things to charity so that she gets to keep all of her presents, or maybe keep a few back and give her them throughout the year so she doesn't get overwhelmed with lots of things at once?

missorinoco · 07/12/2010 11:36

Only thing is, people may ask, did she like the X....

You are right, she will be overwhelmed. You could open them over a series of days. The likelihood is some of them will be duplicated - could give these away or exchange for vouchers from the store.

I think your idea is a lovely one though, depends on how your friends and relatives would take it.

Silver1 · 07/12/2010 11:36

Contact centers (for children in care or from broken homes to have supervised contact with parents/relatives) are always grateful for toys, but you could also spread some of them over the year.
I would unwrap them on the day, see what she takes a shine to, and what you do, snap photos for the thank-yous and then move them on.

BlueFergie · 07/12/2010 11:38

She will almost certainly be overwhelmed by them. She will get bored opening them and lose interest after the first 4 or 5.
Give her a few, keep another few (ones you think she'' partivularly like) to give her over the next couple of weeks or months. With the rest unwrap them, note what they are and from who for the thank you notes. Then donate to worthy causes.
If you have the presents now try and do this before Christmas as they will be a bigger help to the charities before than after.

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 07/12/2010 11:39

I don't think you can give away your daughter's gifts without causing bad feeling.

Maybe put half in the loft for a few months, then take the ones she's been playing with to a charity shop or something and take the othe stuff out of the loft for her to start to play with.

That way she gets the benefit of all the gifts, is not overwhelmed by the quantity, you still give to good causes and you don't throw anyone's generosity back in their faces (as they might see it)

Plumm · 07/12/2010 11:40

DD was 6 months at her first Christmas and got loads of presents that moved around, flashed and made noises. It was only once she'd opened them all that we found out she didn't like loud noises and flashing lights so they eventually ended up at the charity shop.

In order not to offend anyone you could find out which toys are her favourites and discretely get rid of the rest or if you've got the room to store them, rotate the toys so she's always got something new to play with.

Original poster

Lambzig · 07/12/2010 11:40

Thanks, I was definitely going to open them and write thank you letters to everyone mentioning what they had given. Lots of the presents are from people who have never even seen her (at least five from some of DH's work colleagues, four from mine, etc). I think it would be too weird and possibly rude to ask them if I could give them away.

Its her birthday in Feb and I can see the whole thing happening again. Is there a polite way to ask people not to buy anything?

OP posts:

ForFestiveSake · 07/12/2010 11:44

Spread them out over a few days. And rotate them.

Any duplicates can be exchanged, given to charity or kept to re-gift if you have any friends with similar aged kids around.

nymphadora · 07/12/2010 11:58

There is bound to be duplicates amoungst them so you will be able to get rid of those . People also often buy ahead so there may be things she isnt ready for yet.

You may deplete the pile quite quickly by the time you have taken those out.

Prinnie · 07/12/2010 12:54

I think Silvers advice is good :) and I think you might need to be tactful this time, but once Christmas is over I don't think there is any harm in saying something along the lines of
'thank you so much for DDs present at Christmas it was very much appreciated but to be honest she had so many presents that she can't possibly play with everything she got, so we've decided that we're going to ask people that aren't close friends/family (amend to your situation) not to buy her presents.'

I wouldn't be in the slightest bit offended if someone said that to me - maybe you have some reasonable people that you could start off with, but also if there are people (like work colleagues) who will never see the toy in action anyway IYSWIM then I suspect you could quite quickly filter these off to a charity.

risingstar · 07/12/2010 13:19

i am going to go against the grain here. my eldest dd is a Feb babe (and indeed the youngest is Nov). i take the view that yes, they do get a lot but these are the only 2 times in the year when they do.

i happily unwrap them then put half away in the shed and then swap them over every so often. People like buying presents for small children at christmas, esp if they dont have any themselves.

I would hang onto them until she has outgrown them and then donate them.

In future years, might be worth asking if people are going to buy, getting some toys she will grow into.

Original poster

Lambzig · 08/12/2010 09:55

Thanks everyone, you were all absolutely correct about the duplicates. Did some sneaky half opening last night and we have eight shape sorters, four of which are identical, and two identical baby walkers. Luckily none of the givers of the duplicates know each other, so I think I will be able give some away so other children can have nice presents too. Will make me feel less guilty about my spoilt daughter.

Great suggestion to ask for older toys from people so that she can use them later in the year.

OP posts:

FindingAManger · 08/12/2010 10:53

I'll never forget going to a friends place a few days after his DS's 2nd birthday to find him loading up the car with DS's unwanted/unneeded gifts - loads and loads of mainly plastic toys. They were overwhelmed by them & they had specifically asked for no gifts from most people as the child had plenty anyway & they didn't have room to house them all - he divided them between the local woman's refuge & children's hospital where they were gratefully received.

civil · 08/12/2010 10:57

We felt like this every Christmas in the early years. However, as children get older, it gets more manageable.

You can actually ask for useful (and small) things like a Young Puffin or a pair of swimming googles.

I suspect that you will end up giving stuff away over the next year.

bentneckwine1 · 08/12/2010 11:24

I don't think you can give away presents that other people have bought...but maybe make a charity donation from yourselves rather than buy any more presents.

Then in a couple of months when she has outgrown all these christmas gifts you can happily pass them along to refuge/charity shop without worrying about it.

Lucyinthepie · 08/12/2010 11:31

Of course you can give some presents away, especially as you've now discovered that you have duplicates.

Sparkle2010 · 08/12/2010 11:57

Instead of giving them away, why don't you try take things back to the shops and exchange them for clothes etc. Not all shops will want a receipt after Christmas. That way, if somebody says "oh, did you like..." then you can say "I'm really sorry. We did love it but she was given another one so we exchanged for..." I'm sure nobody would mind that way. Things like the identical shape sorters, you can def take 3 of those back. Nobody will know that the one you have isn't the one they bought.

zipzap · 08/12/2010 13:05

Any way that you could get hold of receipts from any of the givers? Could you/your dh do it in a nice jokey conspiracy sort of way to say that you were stacking things up under the christmas tree and realised that there were 4 identical boxes, you checked and they are all identical but as you are closest to [the person you are talking to!] and don't really know the others, thought they would hate to think that their present was being wasted so any chance of a a receipt so you could change it for something that you know your dd will love. Plus they will have the satisfaction that they will still play with the same thing as they gave too so they did have good taste to start with.

That way you get to sell it as they are the people that you trusted to get a receipt from unlike the others... so a compliment to your friendship/colleague-ship...

might be worth a try

nickeldonkeyonadustyroad · 08/12/2010 13:10

with the duplicates, you can get away with giving them away - if 4 people ask how she liked the shape sorter, you say "oh she loves it, thank you so much", and noone will ever know.

emmie31 · 08/12/2010 13:19

with my son we let him open all his presents then he usually gets wrapped up in one toy for most of the day, while he's doing that we stick loads of his toys on top of the wardrobe and bring one out on a rainy day... we've been doing that for 4 years. If he has 2 toys the same ( very cheeky i know) we re wrap them and give them out as birthday presents for the gazillion partys he goes to or charity shop them.

GiddyPickle · 08/12/2010 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jaquelinehyde · 08/12/2010 13:29

Your attitude is wonderful, I wish more people thought like you.

Make sure they do all get opened and that everyone who has made an effort to buy them is thanked properly. Then donate to charity anything that you want.

It's a much better idea than just keeping piles of toys around, that will never be played with just so that you don't upset someone.

Contact centres and womens refuges would be eternally grateful for some toys.

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