To think people should only spend what they can afford at christmas ?

[charlieincharge]

Have been really suprised this Christmas at how many people who normally seem sensible and intelligent are buying things for their kids that they just can't afford (by their own admission).

Where does this insecurity come from that they kids must have what their friends have? Is this the way it is now ?

I know several people who are really struggling financially who are spending a ridiculous amount on gifts. Some of them started shopping ages ago to save money and are now adding more and more stuff as they hear what others are getting and christmas lists get written.

Most people I know only have little ones and the eldest are around 7 - what about when all toddler siblings grow up ?

Am I just naive or is more marked this year in the midst of the recession than ever ?

Am not normally scrooge-like at all and never actually thought of myself as good with money but am shocked that people who aren't sure if they will have a job after xmas will buy £2-300 christmas presents for kids under 7. And am wearing my judgey pants on with no shame.

You also have to remeber that the people who have low incomes were often born into low income families themselves.

A friend of mine is a single parent, and receives only £15 pw maintenance. But she has spent a FORTUNE on her children, well over £300. We all think she's a mentalist and have told her so, but her defence was this.... "My mum was always bloody brassic, and my best Christmas present ever was a portable tv that she bought second hand when I was 14, and it broke after 2 weeks, and I was gutted. I NEVER had what my friends had and my kids are not having that life. I would starve rather than do that to my kids."

I always sent 300 each on mine until a few years ago, as they got older they are harder to buy for this year though the eldest of 22 has had 60 and the youngest of 17 165 so far but would love to get him a PS3, fingers crossed his dad buys it!

Check out this video, it's only 2 mins long.

I will give a disclaimer that it's from a Christian pov. But has a good message about how we should spend less money at Christmas and spend more time and emotional energy on our loved ones.

Spending stacks of cash is okay if you first have stacks of cash to spend. But it's sad that all people feel they have to do that in a keeping up with the Jones' way.

I love that. I'm not religious at all, we celebrate Christmas as a cultural thing, but I really like that clip.

I agree with Colditz - I have one friend who has very little money but spends £1200 on Christmas. Presents/food/games/days out.

She saves 100 a month all year for it and it is the best 2 weeks of their lives. They don't have very much the rest of the time - they have a Sun holiday which she also saves for.

But their Christmas is the most special family time for them.

I know saving 100 a month is a lot - but they go without everything happily to have that 100 in the bank. No coffees/take aways/cinema trips (apart from the £1 ones)/ no popcorn/sweets in town.

I have been so skint that I had to borrow a tenner from my mum to buy DH a present, the first Christmas after we got married.
Fast forward 23 years and 2 children later. We are better off now and only spend what we can afford. But we have had to learn this the hard way. We have gone into debt, in the past, to buy the DC expensive stuff that they didn't need.
YANBU to think that people should only spend what they can afford but we are not very good at taking other people's advice. Most people learn through experience.

YANBU but I understand why people feel the need to do it.

We are very low income although you wouldn't necessarily know it from the outside, we don't drink, smoke or go out or have a car so any disposable income goes on keeping the kids in appropriate (cheap but nice) clothes etc. I've had a credit card for a few years but paid it off straight away apart from when we used it for our wedding. It's been £13 in the black for months now!

I was super organised about Xmas this year and saved so much money by using amazon etc.

Also agree about the time spent being more important, most of DD's gifts are board game type things so we can play together.

I do think it is harder when your dc are aged 7+ though, as peer pressure really hits then. DD is 12, nearly 13yo, and is insistant she wants a touchscreen phone like her friends (actually she wanted an Iphone, 3 of her friends have them, but she was told I can't afford it). I have bought her a touchscreen hone (some samsung thingy) from a friend (secondhand) for £15. It will be her main present. DS1 and DS2 are 7 and 8 yo, and they want a new PS2, as the laser in their 3yo preowned one has gone, they are getting it as a joint main present, and it has cost me £40.

I have also saved up my tesco clubcard vouchers and got £100 worth of toys between the 3 of them for £50 of vouchers. It's a lot less than they have had in the ast, as last year I had DLA that helped the household finances (don't now, criteria has changed), or I was working as well as DP. Now I am out of work, and DP is on a low income, this year is tighter. Much tighter.

I put away £40 a month of the child benefit to cover christmas and birthdays. Mostly because all year long I have to say no, no, no, like Colditz, and my dc don't get toys/ board games/ treats like this all year round, it's christmas and birthdays only. Plus my dc's only presents come from DP and I. DP's mum is scrooge doesn't 'do' christmas, and I am estranged from my family.

If I didn't get them these things, they'd not get anything. I just have to run a very tight shi, budget-wise to be able to afford it, we don't use credit, we save. Hard.

'scuse the lack of 'p's, the key is sticky and I kee forgetting to 'slam' my finger down on it!

I agree with you but I understand a bit why people do it. My sis is one who does it - she doesn't want her DC to miss out and has always equated gifts with love - so to her she is demonstrating how much she loves her DC by how much she gives them.

I am very different - and give DS what I think he will like but only within reason. I am not sure how much I have spent on him this Christmas but it would be around the £100, and that's mainly because he's getting the bike he should have got for his birthday for Christmas instead (delivery ishoos - his 3rd birthday was this weekend and we couldn't get it in time).

I think that we will graduate to buying fewer presents of more value as he gets older - next year, for e.g., I would like to get him a child's guitar so he can have lessons - he already loves playing on Daddy's but at just 3 is too young for his own. But I still can't see us spending money we can't afford on his presents, just to keep up with other people, we're just not like that.

I find this idea that poor people can't help themselves quite horrible. Its not just middle class people who are saying only spend what you can afford.
Its insulting to those if us who grew up in poverty and actually learnt something.

A lot of people can't help themselves, it's just that it only matters if you are poor.

That was a lovely video Clarity.

OP of course YANBU. I would hate to think that my parents ever got into debt and had to worry, scrimp and save to buy my presents. We always had lovely christmases just spending time together and having fun. Of course there were presents but it wasn't over the top.

My DD is only a baby so her most expensive present is going to be a cat in the hat toy. I hope that i can still feel the same way when she is at school and peer preassure is all around us. I really hope Apple has buggered off by then because i am dreading the day she wants an ipad/iphone/latest iproduct

YANBU.

I don't think it matters how much you spend on Christmas, but you shouldn't spend beyond your means. Getting into debt over it is just plain silly.

YANBU. But I am not a spendy sort of person.

I think a big problem is that parents have lost confidence in themselves. They feel guilty for not buying their kids the expensive stuff that they want because they don't have the confidence to believe that when their kids are grown up, they won't remember (or care much) about the toy of the moment they didn't get for Christmas. They'll remember (hopefully) having a nice family Christmas, and having a great mum and/or dad. Putting yourself into debt for your children really doesn't do them any favours. They need stability, including financial stability, and they need to not have parents who are majorly stressed about the amount they have spent on presents.

YANBU

People should only spend what they can afford all the time. Sadly, so many people don't. Stupid people.

This is just another reason I am glad I don't have a tv.

YANBU but there are reasons why people do things when it comes to your children.

When I was a single parent I found that every year I was trying to find a bigger or better present for DS. We were on our own together for 12 years and I had a good salary. But I felt he was missing out on having a family and two parents at Christmas as it was always just me and him. My thinking was all wrong and my behaviour followed to suit.

Jump forward a few years and I now have a husband and 3 children and this is the first Christmas where we have really had to pull our belts in with everything from presents to food. Our budget is halved in everything and although I am not worried in the slightest about not receiving presents from anyone I do worry that my children will have some look of disappointment on their faces Christmas morning. They are good kids, work hard at work and school all year and I just want them to have one special day of the year whereby some of their wishes can come true, whatever that present wish is.

My Dad used to say 'you're a long time dead' and although he is dead now I want to ensure that the few Christmases I have with my children are memorable. Although this year I really have to slash our budgets and we are not using any form of credit at all.

i agree with you. I don't agree with spending alot of money on presents especially if you haven't got it and it makes things difficult. I have never spent more than about £60 on each of my 3 children at christmas and they are in their teens now.

We may even buy a new tv for our family room as that is their space and give a joint present to them with some other small gifts.

I am sick of materialistic Christmas. it is so commercialised and puts people under so much pressure.

I honestly think that loads of pressies does not = memorable Christmas. There are so many other fun things to do!

I totally agree Coventry. I hope that the memories my DC take with them into adulthood are things like singing carols in the nativity at church, making decorations and cards, having all the family here on Christmas Day etc. Of course they will remember having presents, but I wouldn't that to be all they associated Christmas with.

I mostly remember doing the Christmas decs, which we got before I was born and used every year (unlike that mad daily mail woman on the other thread who seemed to BUY new ones every year, where's the fun in that?). I do remember the odd present that was really great, but mostly I remember experiences rather than things

YANBU my friend has 6dcs an makes sure she spends £150 exactly each on them event the babies. I can possibly understand the 15 year old wanting an iPod or something but £150 on a 2 yr old, her pile is gigantic.

My dd is 12 and wanted a new phone to replace the one I gave her so I agreed up to the value of £50, well I broke her phone about 6 weeks ago (sink) so I said she could have it early ad just have her stocking Xmas day. She us fine with it and said her stocking is her fave bit. I think I spent around £35 on that this year so she got £85 for this Xmas, which for 12 is fine I think.

Her birthday is new years eve and she will get £60 to go shopping. It's such an expensive time.