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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think people should only spend what they can afford at christmas ?

81 replies

charlieincharge · 04/12/2010 21:19

Have been really suprised this Christmas at how many people who normally seem sensible and intelligent are buying things for their kids that they just can't afford (by their own admission).

Where does this insecurity come from that they kids must have what their friends have? Is this the way it is now ?

I know several people who are really struggling financially who are spending a ridiculous amount on gifts. Some of them started shopping ages ago to save money and are now adding more and more stuff as they hear what others are getting and christmas lists get written.

Most people I know only have little ones and the eldest are around 7 - what about when all toddler siblings grow up ?

Am I just naive or is more marked this year in the midst of the recession than ever ?

Am not normally scrooge-like at all and never actually thought of myself as good with money but am shocked that people who aren't sure if they will have a job after xmas will buy £2-300 christmas presents for kids under 7. And am wearing my judgey pants on with no shame.

OP posts:
BonniePrinceBilly · 04/12/2010 22:06

I'm fairly poor and I agree with OP. I find it hard to believe anyone wouldn't, rich or poor. And frankly its quite ridiculous to suggest that only someone with money could have written the OP.

I'll be spending about 30? on DS1 and 2 and nothing for DS3 (15 months and getting a few presents from gp's etc, which he doesn't need).

Original poster
charlieincharge · 04/12/2010 22:06

Yes bunbaker thats it - its the knowing that your parents can't afford things but it not affecting how you felt about it but not feeling hard done by.

I am being a bit of an idealist I know.

OP posts:
BonniePrinceBilly · 04/12/2010 22:07

Oh and for grown ups we do a Kris Kindle, value used to be 50? now 30?, because we only spend what we can afford.

LynetteScavo · 04/12/2010 22:08

So what are the "must haves"?

My kids don't have a wii or PS3 or X box...if I suggest we get one DH starts ranting about "screen time"

Are my DC some how deprived of, um..something?

celticlassie · 04/12/2010 22:08

It doesn't help that kids don't play with 'toys' any more - it's phones and laptops and similar, things that are priced for an adult market, rather than board games and dolls, for example.

celticlassie · 04/12/2010 22:09

To clarify - 'don't just play with toys any more

BonniePrinceBilly · 04/12/2010 22:13

Only if you buy them that stuff. Rule here is stuff like laptops and phones you can have when you get a job and buy your own.

Nobody ever bought me a phone or a computer, and no way on earth am I handing them out as Xmas presents!!

borderslass · 04/12/2010 22:17

I've never ever gone into debt for christmas , don't see the point when DH was off ill and I was just about keeping the business afloat I bought a secondhand PlayStation and a load of games for £40 and spent about £30 on bits and pieces for the kids [4,5 &8 at the time]including new bedding and put it all in 3 big boxes for them.When I mentioned it do materialistic SIL she was horrified her almost 2 year old had £200 spent on her by her father and she spent the same despite her not working plus her birthday is January and she bought loads again then.[she still doing it 11 years on]

colditz · 04/12/2010 22:19

On the council estate thing -

It'#s because I've spent all year saying "NO" to my children. No, we cannot go on holiday this year. No, I cannot buy you those trainers, you have to have the ones I pick. NO, you can't go to Karate like Tyler, I can't afford it and I have nobody to look after your brother who really needs to be in bed at 7. No, I cannot take you to Alton Towers, and I know Tyler went, and I know you'd really like it and yes, oh Lord, I know you have been much better behaved than Tyler ever has been in his horrible life, and you do deserve it - but No is still No. I'm sorry.

And at Christmas, they think it all comes from Santa. it's the one time of year where you do NOT want to say NO because it would ruin the magic of Santa. Santa is not constrained by finances, or the gas meter, or the school transport museum trip - Santa is kind, Santa says yes, you have been a good boy, and you deserve the present you've asked for .... well, in this house, I'm Santa.

I just try very very hard not to let them see adverts, go in toy shops or speak to kids whose parents spend more than I can afford to, in the hope that I can steer them towards something I can afford.

BonniePrinceBilly · 04/12/2010 22:26

Thats why the santa brings everything is not a good plan.

Original poster
charlieincharge · 04/12/2010 22:29

See Colditz I absolutely get that.

But there are kids who DO get Alton Towers and Karate and the trainers but then their parents feel they just have to have the DS and whatever even though its detrimental to their finances (whilst also complaining they won't be able to send DC to uni or whatever)

Its nothing new I just think it's getting much worse during the recession when I had been hopeful that there might be some kind of reality check..

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 04/12/2010 22:52

My children certainly don't get nearly everything they'd like during the year, and certainly won't at Christmas,but they think only thier stocking is filled my father christmas, and know their main present from us is dependant on our finances and generosity. But I do my damndest to give them all the birthday party of their dreams every year.

We all want to give our kids the perfect childhood. Some people are just better at doing it with less money.

noeyedear · 04/12/2010 23:09

It does seem a bit OTT to be buying small childrem stuff that costs such a lot of money. My DS is getting about £20 spent on him for everything- stocking, pressies etc. He'll get more from grandparents. I don't think he'll even notice, but my friends kids are getting Nintendo DS's and they are 4 and 6 years old! I looked at the age range the other day, because I thought it was way too young, and the recommended age is 8. I can't imagine spending £100 on a child under that age! I don't like it, and I'm really worried that peer pressure will make me go against my parental instincts and buy them loads of expensive presents that they don't need or particularly want.

ninedragons · 04/12/2010 23:14

I'm with Pagwatch and Colditz.

People who have it forced on them get sick of restraint and think fuck this, this is what I want and I will worry about the consequences later.

It's why diets generally don't work, people have diabetes and no pension plans.

I can completely see the appeal of blowing out once a year, and it's terribly middle-class sanctimonious to say aha, but why don't they buy modest presents from NCT sales? If modest (or nothing) is all you EVER have, of course the temptation is to buy the biggest, flashiest, noisiest toy the Argos catalogue contains.

freerangeeggs · 04/12/2010 23:16

I remember being a younger teenager and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable at Christmas because my mum would buy me so much, and I knew we didn't have the money for it (single mum with 4 kids).

My mum is a terrible one for beating herself up and feeling guilty; I think she bought so many gifts for herself, as much as for us (though of course she had nothing to feel guilty about in the first place).

Nowadays I try to avoid receiving presents. I don't really enjoy that aspect of Xmas or birthdays - I love giving presents but receiving them makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty.

I think I'll downplay the presents side of Xmas with my own kids as much as possible. The nicest presents are always things you do, rather than things you get, after all.

So yes, I agree with the OP. Seasonal madness :)

LemonDifficult · 04/12/2010 23:20

YANBU but I think this probably affects the more vulnerable parents because it's a peer pressure issue.

As far as I know, none of DSs's (3yo and 18mo) friends are likely to get a present worth over £50 for their Christmas and the average pressie is likely to be somewhere between £5 - 20 which makes it pretty easy for me to feel relaxed about not getting them a Playmobile castle or whatever.

If I lived on a close-knit street where all the parents were buying their kids expensive stuff then I think I might feel like I had to spend more, especially if I was touchy about being cash-strapped the rest of the time. I like to think I wouldn't actually go and bankrupt myself but I do understand why people do spend more than they should.

LemonDifficult · 04/12/2010 23:23

Yeah, that's another thing Freerangeeggs, kids aren't stupid about cash. They might want expensive stuff but they'd rather their parents were comfortable, happy and not frightened of bills arriving.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 04/12/2010 23:25

I took this view until this summer when DH was made redundant. In the time he was out of a job which was not long thank goodness, Christmas presents seemed to grow in signifcance and I suddenly really wanted to splash out much more than I usually do. It was the constant saying no that got to me after a time, far more than I thought it would.

mamatomany · 04/12/2010 23:49

I thought it would get harder as the children got older to buy them reasonably priced presents.
The only thing i can think to buy for DD1 is an ipod touch for £150ish, she doesn't want it.
So i have no clue what to buy the child who isn't labels/money mad :(
And my 8 year old wants a littlest pet shop which is £19.99.

KittyFloss · 05/12/2010 00:08

I do agree really, I was suckered into this when dd was younger. I grew up in a poor area and everyone had a huge pile for christmas(wether it cost £50 or £500 is another matter).

My sister had a child first and honestly the amount of stuff she had/has is amazing. I started off when dd was small buying shitloads of toys. Every year it has gotten less, especially now she has 2 brothers.

They don't bloody appreciate it anyway, so far I have spent £140 on my 3. The older 2 have bikes, and a game between them, the 1yo has a scramblebug thing, a click clack track and a farm thing. I got £60 worth of free toys from that odd tesco thing recently where you could cash in missed vouchers.

Dependant on dp's wage this month they won't be getting a huge amount more. It's small things like pyjamas and random stocking shit that add up. I know I will have pile anxiety, but I am determined to reign it in this year.

KittyFloss · 05/12/2010 00:16

Also for some reason my kids are not materialistic, if I spent megabucks it would be to appease myself somehow. Dd had a ds for her birthday, which now languishes with a broken charger, they don't care. Dd wants a metal detector and a dog which repeats what you say. Ds wants a car and a rocket.

We don't have much family though, what they get basically comes from us.

colditz · 05/12/2010 10:23

I have pile anxiety, I always have. BUT places like Wilkos understand pile anxiety, and put relatively cheap presents into REALLY big square boxes.

SlartyBartFast · 05/12/2010 10:37

what shocks me is an advert i saw for a Lap Top, the child geting the lap top must have been about 9 years old, or so Shock
they are ridiculous amounts of money to spend on a 9 year old, Angry and my dc see this advert and think they are affordable.

masochismTangoer · 05/12/2010 10:41

I also end up getting more stuff - I am trying very hard not to this year. Thing is there is huge pressure to make this one day special and the pressure is all on me and I start to panic. I do the shopping, buying, planning and wrapping. I have explained to DH that I have this problem and he need to reign me in as the money is needed else where and there are increasingly experiences that we want for the DC - holiday, Christmas pantomimes, swimming lessons ie luxuries which will probably make more of an impact long term.

Lists, planning and getting shopping done early have helped this year and him reminding me that we have enough for the DC. I know money will not buy them a special day - but I fear the disappointment on their faces though strangely any other day of year I can and do have to handle that.

Having said that I am shocked at what other parents buy very young DC. Last year a lot of the 5 year olds were getting Nintendo DS - which I thought was mad or 50 pound digital DC camera for 3 year olds. I do also find that a surprisingly large amount of money can go on 'fillers' even ones sold in square boxes in Wilkoes and prefer to spend money of stuff DC want or need.

masochismTangoer · 05/12/2010 10:44

they are ridiculous amounts of money to spend on a 9 year old

It does not help. I do not want them to have their own lap top or TVs at that age. I want them to use the family ones so I can keep a vague eye on them and what they are up to. I know a lot of parents you end up giving in earlier than they want because of the pressure. Phones, lap tops ect before the DC need them.