to write a rude riposte to BIL? Let me know before I click send.

[Spidermama]

Two of my children, an 11 year old and a 12 year old, enjoy being on Facebook along with, it seems, most of their friends.

My Brother in law, who has no children of his own, has sent me the following message on FB (Names changed but otherwise copied and pasted)

" Spider - shouldn't the kids be min. 13yrs to be on FB?

My friend Joe Bloggs is using rich language for instance, so it has always bothered me that Spiderboy and Spidergirl are on my FB 'friends' list for this sort of reason.

The only thing is that, it seems rude to remove them (the kids). Links to Spiderboy's pictures of his 'bezzie', (best mate?) appeared on my news feed.

Can I speak frankly? I just don't think it is right. I'm thinking of deleting them."

I have written, but not yet sent, a reply saying it's fine for them to be on, he's wrong but he can delete them if he wants. I've also reassured him they have absolutely no interest in his sweary friend Joe Bloggs anyway. I have also included the odd sarcastic remark thanking him for his parenting advice. Should I leave out the sarcasm?

I am pretty pissed off with his patronising tone tbh. I won't mention that he's 44, single and back living with his mum.

[schroeder]

Godwin's law alert

[ravenAK]

For instance I posted a link the other day with a comment containing two 'c' words, one of which was 'Clegg'.

If I'm OK with my own child being exposed to my own foul language, that's my lookout, but I don't have other people's dc as friends for the same reason that I don't invite them down the pub with me.

It's not my place to be instrumental in exposing them to age-inappropriate conversations/behaviour.

[pink4ever]

Why are people continuing to comment on this? She brought up the nazis to try and win her argument therefore thread is over.

[frgr]

it sounds like he's just trying to be sensible, really - i'd have thought you'd be grateful that he is aware of the influence of bad language/etc and how he shouldn't be indirectly exposing them to it - seems like he respects your wishes as the parent!

i genuinely don't see what's written as patronising

yabu. don't send a snippy reply.

[daisy5678]

Oh frgr, we're all Nazi-regime-loving-rule-book-devouring prudes. FB and kids are a combination only weirdos question.

[ivykaty44]

perhaps write back a sarcastic email saying you are really suprised that at 44 he doesn't knwo how to use fb to let only certain people see certian things on his newsfeed - but if he doesn't know his way around the internet - fine go ahead and delete your niece and nephew who may be of help in assisting him to understand such things

yes go eigth ahead with any sarcasim you like

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

This cannot be real. Surely nobody in their right mind can compare this thread to Nazi Germany??
OP, thank you. You've started off a huge coughing fit because I laughed so hard.

[SerendipitousHarlot]

Spidermama, I like thinking for myself too. I let dd have a FB account that I monitor at 11, because she's mature and trustworthy. But your bil was right in what he said.

Also - pmsl at you getting the hump and calling everyone hysterical

The Nazi thing? Not so much

[scarletbegonia]

I think you are asking a bit much to expect that the person accepting the friend request should have to adjust the settings dependent on the age of the requestee.

Regardless of whether you agree with the FB age limit the BIL has a valid point and a sarcastic repsonse is just going to cause unnecessary family problems.

Good to see that you have sent a neutral response spider, I assume you were joking with the Nazi comment.

[QuickLookBusySanta]

Hmm Spidermum is listed in her profile as a journalist.

[ivykaty44]

no you don't adjust the settings for the friiend request - you set the friend request settings so they don't see anything

[EdgarAllenSnow]

so....11 year olds don't swear?

that's not how i remember first year of high school!!

Your bil can defriend him.

i think the tone of his message was a bit patronising. dH is friends with his cousins 10yo. we don't have anything rude or pornographic on our books - so no problem.

in a way, if you have stuff on your FB that you woudn't want an 11 yo to see, you have to wonder if you aren't putting yourself at risk in some way (with it being open to propective employers using it to screen cndidates and all!)

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

QuickLook - she is, but has been on here for ages and until this thread I've always found her to be someone I would broadly agree with. I haven't ever thought she was digging for article-fodder so maybe you are wide of the mark?

I am though.

[KangarooCaught]

The dcs' primary school sent home a letter after a spate of yr 5 and yr 6 FB bullying, with a reminder that min age for FB is 13 so they should not be using social networking sites.

Spidermama, hope your dcs are savvy when it comes to being safe online - kidsmart is used in schools.

Your BIL is being a good uncle.

[QuickLookBusySanta]

Alibaba-I hope I am wide of the mark, but I was so utterly at her OP and the Nazi comments that my immediate thought was "is this for real?"

[chippy47]

FB is full of groups promoting hatred in many forms. The friend thing is fairly tame compared to what kids could access if left to their own devices -do you monitor their internet time constantly? If not they could be accessing stuff way more dangerous than a few swear words on friends posts.

Nazis -go and read some books or something and see why you are way off the mark on this one.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

QuickLook I do agree with you.

[Ne11]

Just curious, Spidermama. Is it just Facebook rules and regulations you ignore, or are there others that don't apply to you?

[Spidermama]

Well let's see now Ne11.

I've been known to tick the box saying 'I have read and understood the terms and conditions' when really I haven't.

Also I once parked in parent and child space even though I didn't have a child with me.

I'm wild, me.

[LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake]

Ok. You're getting a bit of a hard time now. The Internet is a touch unpredictable. If you don't believe me go to mumset . Com.

That'll get your bairns off face book.

I think you've taken the drubbing in good part too.

[RachelMumsnet]

Sorry ! First time I've had to withdraw my own post - I'd posted on the wrong thread...sorry for interrupting.

[CrazyChristmasLady]

YABVU.

Your BIL is being polite and feels awkward at deleting family, which is clearly what he wants to do. I have had this issue wit me wanting to delete children off my facebook.

There are a lot of inappropriate things on there. I was gobsmacked at some of the stuf on my sisters wall, hence she is no longer on my list as I don't want to see the highly inappropriate things she is a fan of and read the way that her and her friends talk.

Thank god for sensible people like your BIL.

Has he hit a nerve about your parenting? It certainly sounds like it.

[SoupDragon]

"Also I once parked in parent and child space even though I didn't have a child with me"

Stone her! Stone her!