to worry that my kids will be damaged because daddy's never there?

[ThoseArtisticTypes]

I am really fed up.

My kids dad is never around. He works all the hours under the sun, misses plays, parent's meetings, your kid is in trouble meetings and never talks or plays to the kids. He thinks being a good father is providing and therefore works like a dog to be the best "father" he can be. Everytime I talk to him about it he gets really upset as he adores the kids but he never outwardly shows it. I think he's the type of guy that because he loves you it should be obvious so never says it.

What pisses me off even more is that he never considers looking in the school calendar to see what the kids are doing and today, with the worst weather all week, he decided to leave at the same time he normally would to get home for an important event. It takes him two hours to get home normally, so guess what - he left two hours to get home. The event has had to be cancelled and everyone is upset plus we have messed other people about who were helping us to organise it.

I don't know what to do. Nothing changes and yet he is such a kind and gentle man and I cannot fault him in any way. I hate to think that my kids will grow up and say, "We never saw our dad", like those screwed up buggers you see on TV!

Anyway just letting off steam and cannot see an end to this. Oh and him changing jobs is not even negotiable, :(

No, it doesnt, but OP is worrying, quite rightly I think, about HER children

How old are the kids? I think some men have a hard time relating to young children but are much better with them when they get older.

Rather than confronting him can't you gently engineer situations that will get them to connect - go on family days out together, go out on a saturday to get your hair done and leave him alone with the kids. Why don't you all go and stay in London with him one weekend so he can show the kids around and take them to all the museums etc?

YANBU if you have boys.I have seen many sons go off the rails because their dad never pays them any attention.

Dh works long hours and is often away.

But when he is around he is all for the children. To the point that he doesn't spend any time on hobbies or sport. I often feel there is little time for us to be together alone either.

I understand why he does this - to avoid precisely what the OP is talking about. I think he felt this was particularly important while they were young.

They have a very strong bond, which is lovely to see.

I'm just hpoing as they are now older, he can spend some time on himself - he needs to be fitter - and more time with me.

And putthekettleon is being sensible.
Why not engineer time when he has to play with them.

I think parents deal with their children rarely become less and less able.

I will try and engineer some time but I really don't want it to be playing pc games. I;m also sick of sounding like a nag asking him to put them to bed/read to them. He does it without any fuss but would never volunteer. I have boys with the eldest being 12. The eldest just doesn't know his dad at all and is becoming ambivalent towards him. The 10 year old really feels hurt by the lack of attention. The youngest is very young.

My DH works long hours and often spends weeks on end away with work. I agree with Litchick that parents who deal with their children rarely do become less and less able. 'Dealing with' seems to be the operative term in our case - handling the day to day stuff like when to feed them, who needs what when etc. He just seems to lose confidence in his ability to read them. I have to instigate a day/night out after his long periods away so he can deal with a tantrum or a rejected meal etc etc. And so he does it his way and not with me looking over his shoulder!

I feel for you. It's a tough one.