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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask the teacher for reading books /extra work for dd

29 replies

lilymolly · 03/12/2010 09:28

DD nearly 5 started school in Sept
It is an ofsted outstanding faith school
Since she started we have had a few teething trouble, and I have already been called into school on 2 occasions
The first week she started she pushed a girl over because they where fighting over a stool. Then a few weeks later I was called in, because her and another little boy where playing on the computer keyboard at school with a toy dinosaur and broke off one of the keys.

I obv told off dd and told her this behaviour was unacceptable.

DD also told me last week that she got wrong at school because she poured her water on the floor deliberately which again is totally out of character

The thig is, this behaviour is totally out of character, I have never had any problems with her either at nursery or the childminders.

I am not saying she is perfect but she is not really a naughty child.

Anyhow we have been off school this week due to the snow so I have spent a lot of time with her, and I have noticed that she is starting to read words in everyday life such as on tv or in a book. So I have been reading some phonics books with her, and she can start to sound and read all the words with no problems at all. She sits and writes words, spells them out load and generally is amazing me at how much she has progressed.

I am starting to wonder if she is perhaps a bit bored at school because she is not doing any reading at all, and just keeps coming home with sounds to learn which she can do with ease, and generally seems to be learning through play at school. Although I know this is part of the curriculam, I am wondering if perhaps I should ask the teacher
for extra work for her, or perhaps to start doing some reading with her, or at least bring a reading book home?

I really dont want to be one of those pushy mums so should I say something or keep out of it?

OP posts:

Serendippy · 03/12/2010 09:34

I can see why you want to make sure that your daughter is being stretched. I think in your situation I would read with her at home and see exactly what she can do and encourage her to participate fully at school. Learning through play is something they don't do for long and it is a shame to miss out on it.

It is great that you want to be involved in your child's education, but I would check first what she is capable of and then have a word with the teacher.

pantomimecow · 03/12/2010 09:35

yanbu to go in for a general chat about where your dd is at with her literacy.I am very surprised that 3 months into school and they still don'thave any reading books!!

yabu to think it explains your dds bad behaviour -they will only spend a few minutes a day doing sounds

redskyatnight · 03/12/2010 09:40

TBH 3 (fairly minor) incidents over the term does not say to me she is behaving badly becuase she is bored (unless there is more you have not mentioned).

If you look in Primary Education you will see that school's vary in their policy in sending home reading books - many schools won't start till January or later in the year. You could ask when your school will start doing this.

If play based learning is done well, your DD shouldn't have any time to get bored - it is all about her chooing activities that she is interested in and the school encouraging her to develop them. Her progress in phonics etc suggests that she is being developed in these areas - do you know exactly what phonics/reading "teaching" she actually has in school?

cory · 03/12/2010 09:41

As pantominecow says, it is unlikely that the few minutes they do on phonics a day would make a massive difference to your dd- unless perhaps she has the perception that it will? One thing I am learning from Mumsnet is that many small children have very narrow ideas as to what constitutes learning and feel shortchanged when it is not happening. As a matter of fact, of course, there is a massive amount of learning going on in Reception, but your dd may not realise this. Maybe have a chat with her and explain that you learn in all sorts of ways- perhaps having spoken to the teacher first to find out more about the ways they are learning through play.

Though personally I would think it more likely that she is playing up because she is a bit overwhelmed with big school.

Original poster

lilymolly · 03/12/2010 10:40

oh right so you dnt think the bad behaviour is an issue then?

TBH I was concerned that her behaviour was really bad! perhaps cos she has never been in trouble before and I want her to be a good girl

DD does not complain at all about school or learning, I was just surprised how well she seemed to be doing..maybe all the other kids are the same and yes they will be leaving books until after xmas.
It is obv a good school so perhaps I should trust their judgement

I think I shall leave it until January and see what happens in the new term?

OP posts:

AlpinePony · 03/12/2010 10:44

tbh I don't understand why you're putting the onus on the school to teach her to read - wtf have you been doing the last 4.5 years? Stop boasting and/or being PFB and just get your arse to the library.

(Others can deal with the behavioural issues.)

coccyx · 03/12/2010 10:54

Bit unfair ALPINEPONY.
I don't think her behaviour is so bad. I would have thought school would have sorted that out, surprised you were called in to see them.
My daughters school spend more than a few mins a day doing phonics. I would get some phonics workbooks

annie987 · 03/12/2010 10:58

As a reception teacher I wouldn't worry about the behaviour at all. All pretty minor and only a few incidents. Starting full time school is tiring and most behaviour can be put down to this. I also wouldn't blame it on her not being challenged academically.
I wouldn't ask for extra work but I would ask the teacher if she thinks your daughter is ready for a reading book. The library is all well and good but reading schemes introduce words in a specific order and according to known sounds.
Sounds wise there are a lot of sounds for them to get through in reception not just the 26 single letter sounds so i'm sure she doesn't know them all yet.
Good luck

whiteliesaregoodlies · 03/12/2010 11:02

I would think the two (behaviour/learning) are separate issues. I think the behaviour is just a natural part of adjusting to a learning environment, it may be the first time she's really had to interact with lots and lots of children (nursery is different IMO as there tend to be more carers and the focus is different). I wouldn't worry tbh, just keep an eye on it.

The learning issue - by all means have a word with the teacher, and ask if they can recommend any learning resources for home. We always used Jolly Phonics with our two oldest which you could buy from the ELC. Both were given simple books by the October half term, but having said that there were many children who hadn't got the hang of reading by the end of reception who are now doing brilliantly.

AlpinePony · 03/12/2010 11:04

coccyx - you can call it "unfair" if you wish - I prefer the term "poor parenting". Seriously, who the fuck hasn't taught their children to read by this age? What is "unfair" about visiting a library?

whiteliesaregoodlies · 03/12/2010 11:04

Oh yes I agree with annie by the way, I wouldn't trot out the "bored" bit to her teacher - they may well see this as an excuse for bad behaviour and you trying to shift blame to them - which is really not necessary as her behaviour is honestly normal!

Feelingsensitive · 03/12/2010 11:13

I second what coccyx says - bit unfair AP. Op is not trying to make out her child is a genius. She's sounding words not reading 'War and Peace'!

I don't think her behaviour is that bad. I would put it more down to starting school and adjusting. I am not a teacher or anything but personally, I wouldn't ask for extra work. My DD is 5 and in reception and reads very well but her school seems unusual in that it doesn't start sending any books home or doing any reading until after christmas. This doesn't bother me as we get books from the library and she reads whatever is on the her shelf at home. Given what annie says we have probably missed some of the sounds but I figure they will sort this out when they do the reading scheme. There really isn't any rush. If anything I would take the fact that your DD has started reading as a reflection of the good work the reception must be doing.

pantomimecow · 03/12/2010 11:15

i beg to differ. I have 4 children at school eldest inY11 and have never been called into discuss behaviour! Twice in one term is a problem IMO

londonartemis · 03/12/2010 11:31

The behaviour thing sounds like adjusting to Big School with 29 others and your DD not always making the right call on what to do (which is all part of growing up in a long, often exhausting day). I wouldn't worry about that.

Reading - I would ask for a reading book from school AND get her to read library books etc with you. I do not understand it that when a child is clearly ready and willing to learn, they are not given what they need. I would not imply there is any connection between her behaviour and lack of reading book.

Onetoomanycornettos · 03/12/2010 11:39

I agree todally with Londonartemis, I would definitely follow up the interest in reading yourself, there's no harm in having fun with reading words and books at home whilst also plodding through the sounds at school (and IMO it is a bit ploddy for a bright child already/on the verge of reading). I might also mention this to the teacher, that your daughter is very keen and enthusiastic about reading, what would be appropriate?

Behaviour I would chalk up to tiredness/not knowing right thing to do, it's only an issue if it keeps happening. Don't link the two at this stage.

Original poster

lilymolly · 03/12/2010 11:51

Thanks every one apart from alpinepony whose comments were neither helpful or kind to be frank!

Is the fact that I am sitting with her every day and reading phonics books not teaching her to read? I just expected by this stage that the school would be providing reading books, but oviously my expectations where wrong.

This is my first child to go to school so I am not really sure what is normal or not, and as for bragging about her ability? Seriously are you for real? That is rather a stupid suggestion.

I think the rest of you all have made very valid points and I will take stock of all you said.

I will continue to help her develop at home and let the school do their job and I will keep out of it.

Hopefully she will settle soon and when she is 18 I will look back on this and laugh as we will have big problems to worry about

OP posts:

motherinferior · 03/12/2010 11:54

PMSL at 'who the fuck hasn't taught their children to read by this age?'

I certainly didn't. Didn't do a thing about 'teaching my children to read'. Expected school to teach them, as it taught me. We are all really rather good at reading and writing now. I have degrees in it and all.

redskyatnight · 03/12/2010 11:58

I'm not sure what planet alpinepony is on.

Most parents don't teach their children to read before starting Reception (unless particularly pushy or child shows a particular interest etc etc). I'm certainly expecting the school to teach my DD (same age as yours) whilst supporting with daily reading at home.

Original poster

lilymolly · 03/12/2010 11:59

thank you motherinferior

OP posts:

AlpinePony · 03/12/2010 13:21

OK whatever, I just think it's weird that people can't be bothered to teach their children to read. Do you also expect the school to teach them to swim/use a knife & fork/tie shoelaces? Personally as a parent I think it's my duty to parent, not farm out responsibility. Each to their own of course.

cornflakegirl · 03/12/2010 14:03

AlpinePony - I did teach DS1 to read before he started school, and I still think you're talking rubbish. Why do you send your children to school if it's not for them to learn stuff?

loflo · 03/12/2010 14:05

AlpinePony think YABU. Teaching a child to read is not the same as taking a child to the library and letting them enjoy the pleasure that books can bring.

DS was nearly 6 before he went to primary as I deferred him for a year and never went out of my way to teach him to read anything Encouraged and helped and supported him to look at books but didn't want to confuse him if he started school and he was taught differently and got confused.

But strange that he is in the top group and thriving academically?!

Give the OP a break seriously!

motherinferior · 03/12/2010 14:47

Well, if my child wasn't going to start school till say 8, I might get round to a spot of literacy. But at four? I couldn't read a thing till I was six. Didn't stop me reading anything going at age seven. Or getting a couple of English degrees. Or working as a journalist, putting words on the page every damn day Come to that, it didn't stop the Inferiorettes doing remarkably well at reading either.

Personally, I think it's my duty as a parent not to hothouse or force-feed my children.

And I have a lot of respect for the poor buggers trained and energetic professionals who teach them.

pantomimecow · 03/12/2010 17:42

Alpine pony- why do you think schools exist?

olderandwider · 03/12/2010 18:10

Alpine pony - most under fives can't read. Not because they haven't been taught to do so by their parents but because it's a skill most under 5s simply aren't ready to develop yet.

You may as well ask why parents don't teach their children their times tables before school.

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