To expect parents to dress their children as warmly as themselves

[scruffybird]

I am fed up of seeing children in this freezing weather without gloves, hat and scavres and then you look at the parent in their warm hat and gloves etc.
It's boardering on child neglect.

You asked them where their gloves were? With their parents there? I would have told my child not to speak to the interfering old trout!

How do you sugest 'parenting' this child then?

Dd2 is only 3, so of course I can get her gloves on her. I am bigger and stronger than her. I can pin her down and force them on her. Much screaming and tantrumming ensues. The, by now hysterical dd2, then removes her gloves the second I let go of her. So all the hysterics get no results. I cannot tell her if she doesn't put her gloves on we won't leave the house because she does not like the snow so she would stay inside anyway and dd1 would have no-one to walk her to her to school. Wecould continue with the pinning own and screaming and consquent removal of gloves, but then dd1 would be late for school and, well, it's a bit cruel no?

I tell her she won't get to go to the fruit shop after nursery, but as she is only 3, she cannot see that far forward and thus does not care.

We leave the house sans gloves. On the way home she wants to go to the fruit shop. I reefuse as she did not put her gloves on. Much screaming ensues. Dd2 is hysterical again and still not wearing her gloves, but is also now refusing to walk any where. She has to be picked up and carried away from the fruit shop.

So in this scenario not only has she not had her fruit snack, but she still will not wear her gloves. How would you do it? Tell me of the magical parenting powers you have that would make this child wear her gloves?

My way of dealing with it is just to leave her be. Put her gloves in her pocket and she will put them on if she is cold enough. She never gets cold enough.

Well after a stand-off with ds2 this morning I finally got him to wear his wellies to school. However, he still refuses to wear a proper coat, just a fleece, unzipped. He has "issues" over what he wears and frankly I can't be bothered arguing with him every day... We have cupboards full of clothes that he refuses to wear.

YANBU. The worst example of this I have seen was a January afternoon - horrible house party that I had endured. At the end, the parents put their coats etc. on to go out to their cars, and they put their babies in car seats with no covering. These weren't 'chavs' but professional people. In fact, one was a GP. She was laughing earlier in the afternoon about how her baby goes blue because she leaves the window open at night. The baby ended up in hospital a couple of months later with asthma. That is a rare example I know, but real.

Cold does not give you asthma It is a hereditary condition.

Parenting is all about picking your battles - and some things just aren't worth the heartache, the ringing ears or the embarrassment of lugging a screaming, tantrumming toddler/child around.

I'm very thankful that all mine are good sleepers but my boys are a pain to feed. Yes, I could argue with them and try to force them to eat something but then I run the risk of making food a bigger issue than it need be.

So it's all about compromise.

Dooin - I know that, but it doesn't help to be lying in a freezing bedroom does it!

I do it. It makes my asthma a lot worse to have the window closed as the room gets stuffy. I wear an extra duvet.

If the parents really did leave the window open with the no extra blankets for the baby, then yes that is neglect, but it has nothing to do with the asthma.

Perhaps they were joking because the already asthmatic child needs to sleep with the window open.

twopeople - how old are you children?

Cold air can be a trigger for asthma though. It is for mine. If I slept with the window open in winter, I might not wake up again.

That would work with two out of three of mine. It wouldn't though work with my other son who has social, emotional and behavioural difficulties because of his poor start to life. He doesn't get cause and effect, doesn't know why he tantrums - just that he's hurting. He's 6 - not 2! And just possibly will never get it.

I wear my gloves, hat and scarf to school because I don't have a screaming tantrum every time it's time to put them on.

I don't repeatedly kick wellies off.

I also don't (and bloody couldn't) last the entire school journey (25 mins) with my shoeless legs stuck out horizontally while sitting in the pushchair to avoid having my feet in the cosy toes.

There's a limit to how long I can fight with DD in the morning over these things. At some point we have to leave the house. I put tights on under her trousers and extra socks. But I can't gaffer tape wellies on.

She repeatedly takes off the hat and throws it on the floor. At just 2, what should I do with her? She has a coat on, and I just know that people are looking and wondering why she isn't wearing gloves, but really, what the fuck do you suggest?

Well tbh, I really just can't be arsed for the sake of some gloves. It's not worth the screaming. If she was insisting on a drinking a litre of vodka before bed I would put my foot down, but for gloves??? No thanks.

well lucky you twopeople - the "terrible twos" were short and sweet for you.

Some children continue to tantrum and scream even when they know they're not going to get their way.

DS1 is 10 he's plenty old enough to decide whether he's cold enough to bother looking for his gloves at home. Given that I frequently see him taking his hat off and carrying it as hewalks up to school I suspect he's quite happy as he is. So why make an issue and force him to wear gloves he doesn't want to wear??

DS2 is still sleeping in his summer PJ's with a thin sheet over him. He's been offered a duvet and his winter PJ's - he doesn't want them. The rest of us are sleeping in our long PJ's with thick duvets.

My son was always the one in his buggy minus his socks and shoes - no matter what the weather. I'm sure people thought I was a terrible mother but having put them on time and again, and having lost them time and again, I couldn't be arsed to keep doing it.

Perseverence Pfft. You keep putting them back on and dealing with the sceaming until a) the child has scraemed so much they have been physically sick or b) it is now 3pm and there is only 15 minutes of school left

Twopeople if you really belive this is the answer then trust me our toddler was not difficult. Some things just are not worth it, when you have daily battles over things which are essential.

no - not to question the validity - just to see if you had any experience of 10yrs - where you would genuinely think that sewing gloves onto their jacket would be something that you'd actually done (or had a child of that age to do it to)

My child's emotional well being at school is FAR more important than whether he gets cold hands. 10yrs old is far too old to be sewing gloves on jackets.

I couldn't begin to imagine sewing gloves on the jacket of a child who cooks occasional meals, puts the washing machine on, walks himself to school, bathes himself, makes me coffee, and makes himself cups of herbal tea before he goes to bed.

I want my children to leaern to make decision (right or wrong if there's no imminent danger to life or limb) and what happens if they make the wrong one.

If I always insist they do what "I" think they should do then how will they ever learn?

I want them to learn at what temperature they are comfortable with. My brother wears shorts 8 months of the year. I'm wraped up in longs for 10 months of the year. Our "cold threshold" is very very different. So it is with children.

well obviously he doesn't want his gloves that badly as he's not bothered to look for them at home since he lost them here last week