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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect parents to dress their children as warmly as themselves

99 replies

scruffybird · 02/12/2010 12:49

I am fed up of seeing children in this freezing weather without gloves, hat and scavres and then you look at the parent in their warm hat and gloves etc.
It's boardering on child neglect.

OP posts:
walesblackbird · 02/12/2010 13:09

My middle son won't wear a hat - it itches his head. He has some sensitivity around clothing, labels etc so instead I try to make sure he wears a sweatshirt under his coat so he can at least cover up.

Mine start off in the morning with hats and gloves - no scarves as they don't like them - but 9 times out of 10 they come out of school without either. And I'm sick of replacing them.

Coats - my middle son has refused to put his coat on when he's come out of school. He got very cold = lesson learned. Some things children just have to learn for themselves. No amount of you telling them something is going to make the slightest difference.

DooinMeCleanin · 02/12/2010 13:10

I'd leave 'em with no coat and let them learn if they don't listen when I tell them they need a coat in this weather, then they will be cold.

If you'd like to listen to dd2 howl while you try and put her gloves and beg you stop because you are hurting her fingers, you are welcome. Perhaps while you are here you find a way of attaching dd1 to her coat, jumper, hat, scarf, gloves, lunchbox and school news notes, because it is one or all of these things are lost twice daily at least Hmm

I'd understand your point if we lived Alaska, but we don't and most people only have short journeys to make anyhow.

onceamai · 02/12/2010 13:12

Well wait until they are 11 and 15 Grin.

DS - will not wear a jumper under blazer - will not wear sensible footwear - it isn't cool. Has been wearing cotton hoodie under blazer and taking it off when he gets to school. DS has: ski jacket, ski boots, scarves, hats, gloves, etc. DS would not wear hats, socks, gloves, etc. as baby.

DD - has been wearing black ski fleece under blazer. Wore it yesterday and wellies and left both at school. Have tried to get her to chose a winter coat for school since October - not interested. Turns nose up. In desperation bought her a winter coat and it was v expensive because all the cheap ones are too narrow in the sleeves to fit over blazer and I know the school regulation one will NEVER be worn if I buy it. It was 95 probably not regulation but that's how much I care and don't want her to get cold.

Neither of my children have ever been agreeable to wearing a hat.

Rosebud05 · 02/12/2010 13:12

My dc are still on their first pair of gloves this winter, only due to some judicious sewing of them to the ends of a long piece of elastic inside their coats.

Jojo Maman do some 'clip glove to the end of coat sleeve' items, but I don't know how reliable they'd be.

My dd wore flip flops yesterday. Over socks but nevertheless flip flops in December.

ragged · 02/12/2010 13:13

6yo DS refuses to wear a coat and isn't interested in gloves or hat, either.

He rarely feels the cold -- has always been hot-blooded. He wears shorts outside most days mid March to mid November. I used to be the same (until my mid 30s) so I totally understand, some people just run warm. I'd be walking to work in shorts in February when there was snow and ice on the ground. Never owned a coat in those days, either.

Now I run cold and you'll see me in many many layers + coat + 2 pairs of gloves (etc). It is easier being cold-blooded, tbh, being too hot was a nuisance.

Would be cruel to make DS wear more clothes than he needs, overheating is awful.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 02/12/2010 13:13

didn't we have this thread yesterday???

Pogleswood · 02/12/2010 13:14

DS won't wear his hat or his gloves(he has several pairs) and he isn't keen on his coat either.He is 10,I think it won't hurt him to go out,discover he is cold,and modify his behavior the next time.
He has just been wearing t shirt and fleece and when I did wrestle him into his coat last week he spent the entire time we were out moaning that he was too hot and felt sick.(I was wearing jumper,ski-slope type coat with high tog value,scarf,gloves and was still a bit cold)

Having said that I would make him if I thought he was at risk of frostbite,or ill,or if we were going out for long enough that I was sure he'd be too cold eventually...

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 02/12/2010 13:14

Some children genuinely don't feel the cold in the same way as adults. My ds1 is a perfect example, and I've learned to let him judge for himself. As long as I make sure he has the extra layers available, then I know I've fulfilled my duty to him twice over: once by providing warm clothes and twice by trusting him and respecting his choices.

So, Scruffybird, consider perhaps that you may be over-dressed, and take off your judgey-pants?

twopeople · 02/12/2010 13:15

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walesblackbird · 02/12/2010 13:18

No, I don't punish them - I just send them back in and tell them to go look for them. My eldest is the worst - but then he forgets his homework, his lunchbag and even managed to come home with someone else's swimming kit once. It was 6 weeks before found his own.

Chil1234 · 02/12/2010 13:19

I knew it was really cold yesterday because DS (10) actually volunteered to wear his school jumper under his jacket.... and hat & gloves!! Rest of the time I'm convinced he's like those kids in the old Ready Brek ads with wobbly red heat outlines. (And I can't even do the old 'you'll catch your death' routine because he never gets ill either.)

SoupDragon · 02/12/2010 13:19

"
didn't we have this thread yesterday???"

Didn't someone make that comment at 12:54? Xmas Grin [arf]

twopeople · 02/12/2010 13:19

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twopeople · 02/12/2010 13:20

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Pogleswood · 02/12/2010 13:20

Made to wear appropriate clothing,yes - but if a child old enough to express an opinion says they are not cold?
And IMO making children eat when they don't want to and sleep when they don't want to is a fine line and if you get it wrong you are heading for sleeping and eating issues.

SoupDragon · 02/12/2010 13:20

I punish mine when they lose things by whipping them with birch twigs.

As an aside, I have a vivid memory of arriving home from school with only one glove hanging on the end of my elastic.

SoupDragon · 02/12/2010 13:21

I don't make my Children do things.
I vociferously encourage them and then, if they refuse, let them learn that i was right

DooinMeCleanin · 02/12/2010 13:22

Grin @ Soupy. I find that a bit harsh. I just lock mine out nekkid in the snow until they find what they have lost. Much more effective, as not only do they get punished, but you the stuff they lost back too Grin

I hear that SS frown upon both methods, however.

walesblackbird · 02/12/2010 13:24

It does drive me insane! But my middle son has ADHD as well as attachment difficulties and so trying to 'make' him do anything is pretty impossible. I could try but I know that the results would be disastrous. So, with him, I have to do things differently - certainly differently than I would with my other two. Softly, softly works better than being authoritarian. That just frightens him.

twopeople · 02/12/2010 13:24

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twopeople · 02/12/2010 13:26

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MummyMyfanwy · 02/12/2010 13:28

I saw a girl of 6 maybe 7yo yesterday in Tesco. She had ankle socks and a school summer dress on under an anorak!

Poor kid!

Glitterandglue · 02/12/2010 13:29

Most kids over the age of about three are well able to make their own choices re: clothing. If they're not cold, they're not cold. Making them wear a coat when they don't want to is only going to make them resentful, probably result in a bout of whinging, and may make them decide not to wear one later when they actually are cold, just to spite you. Much better to let them decide if they need it or not.

And some kids may well - like some adults - prefer being cold to being uncomfortable with scratchy scarves, itchy hats, bulky coats, etc. I personally hate coats, gloves and scarves and if it's only a bit cold, I'd rather layer up with shirts and a hoodie and maybe shiver a bit than put up with the other kind of discomfort. As long as the kids don't take that choice to the extreme and get frostbite, I don't see the problem.

Also random idea for those parents who have kids who don't like scarves - I ended up accidentally finding out that an old ripped up t-shirt works brilliantly. Doesn't scratch like a scarf does, but keeps you a lot warmer than you think, especially if it's big and wraps round a few times.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 02/12/2010 13:30

my DS's are going out with gloves at the moment - I bought them a new pair each less than 2 week ago. Within 3 days they had lost them (in the house) after being REPEATEDLY to put them away where they belong so they wouldn't get lost and stop bloody playing with them in the house.

They haven't as yet bothered to search for their gloves - but they've made damn sure they put their hat and scarves where they should be when they come in and haven't played with them at all since.

And really - sewing gloves to jackets of a 10yr old???????? He'd be the laughing stock of the school! And I'm not buying him 2 pairs of gloves so that when he decides he wants to wear his much thinner summer jacket instead of warm winter one he always has a pair attached.

Pogleswood · 02/12/2010 13:34

twopeople,I have a friend who has had problems regulating her sleep for her entire life,with insomnia etc.She attributes this to having been regularly put to bed before she was tired,in a very disciplinarian household,resulting in her associating going to bed not with sleep,but with lying awake for hours trying to drop off.
She may be wrong - and I am all for reasonably regular bedtimes,meals and warm clothes - but with leeway in the grey areas for children to decide if they really are hungry or cold,because we are all different.

Of course you do learn with your own children when they are tired or hungry,and also that that doesn't always tie in with what they tell you.But I think it is good for them to have some choice and control in these areas.