to have refused to allow a woman DP slept with to stay in out house?

[winnybella]

Sounds more dramatic than it really is.

DP has a colorful past, no proper relationship before he met me, lots of one night stands and short romances.

Few days ago he said that a girl that he knew long time ago is coming to our town for a few days and has asked him whether she could stay in our place.

I asked DP what 'knew' meant exactly and he blushed and said 'well...'.

So I said that I would prefer she didn't as I don't really fancy having someone he slept with in my house- not a huge deal, of course, just it wouldn't be very nice for me. If it was an emergency of some kind, than, yes, ok, but as it is I would rather she didn't.

He said, fine, I think he felt a bit silly for even asking.

I was just wondering whether IWBU? And what would you do?

5 days of anyone staying on your sofa in a tiny space is a PITA. I agree I'd only do that for a sister or very close friend. (Not my mother if I could help it though I thnk we'd kill each other!)

As for all the YABU about seeing exPs, hey, love is complicated. Sometimes there is a woman/man in your SO's past who they will always have a connection with and it's hard work when you can pick up on that. My DP is totally faithful, we love each other loads - but there is a fling from his past who I know he will always fancy a tiny bit, even though I also know nothing would happen - more that they are just very affectionate with each other, and probably a touch flirty. I have struggled with them staying friends because I could sense that he just has a little spark for her. It irritates the fuck out of me, but I have learned to quash this as a) nothing has ever happened and b) it wouldn't be worth falling out over, because it will never be more than that. (I am glad, however, that she lives in a city far away and I don't have to deal with it too often!)

Just thought of another example - someone I work with has a DP of 20 years who, before her and like the OP's DP, had a very colourful shagging past. She was at a party one night a few years into their relationship and noticed a lot of women giving her dagger eyes. She asked him what was going on and he bashfully explained that he had slept with most of the women in the room. Hmmm, bit awkward!

Thank you all.

No clue why they were chatting, Zondra and Dragon, but I do trust DP 100%. He's got lots of friends, I imagine she knew one of them and got his number/email like that.

I agree there is an issue maybe about the cheekiness or otherwise of the request, which may affect your attitude towards it. But that isn't related in any way to her past with your DP. Would be exactly the same issue there if it was an old male friend.

My DH's brother goes out with my DH's ex so Christmases would be very awkward if I insisted he have nothing to do with her!

On the other hand, if you've never met her then I think she's being a bit cheeky asking to be fair.

WinnyBella, you seem satisfied with your dp regarding your trust in him, that's great.

You don't know for certain how they are both in touch now & think in a vague way that it must've been passing email details through mutual friends, or therebouts.

I am obviously a very different character but, I would want to know the exact details of the reconnection & who instigated it.

Depending on what was explained, I'd be keeping a more aware eye on his comings & goings.

Can't help but, smell something not quite right.

I wouldn't give a monkeys about the past between my DP and this woman. After all, most of us have pasts.

I would however be a bit about her manners as I consider it rude of her to ask.

YANBU. It's a bit that the cheeky mare asked to stay at your place out of nowhere if she and your DP aren't good friends. I'm all for being friends with exes but if she was just a shag or a "short romance" it's a bit much to ask that an ex shag of hers and his DP put her up for how ever many nights.

I'd have said no too. I'd also start fishing for more information, but then again I'm a very suspicious person

Thanks all.

As it was very evenly split, I'm still not 100% sure whether IABU or not

I think it's a mixture of not wanting to deal with any guest at the mo for the reasons already specified plus not being very excited at having someone who shagged DP on my sofa for almost a week.

Hmm.

Ah. Who's the real tether?

tethers aside....

Yanbu. But not because he slept with her, but because she isnt a friend, so why on earth should she stay with you?

Dh has friends from back home, one of whom was his girlfriend at some distant point in the past, and we visit eachother quite regularly. She is nice, her son gets on with our boys, so it is hardly a point that they slept together, the point is that they are friends now.

Just skimmed and may have missed stuff, but here's my opinion:

YANBU to not want someone your DP hasn't seen for years staying in your house, it's someone you don't really know the character of.

YABVU to not want her to stay solely because she once had sex with your DP.

If I had that rule my Sister would never be able to stay..

but YANBU

metherbumfit is never going to make sense as a name.

And what kind of tether? Digressing wildly but truly perplexed.

And yanbu OP because it's horses for courses but the people who said 'slapper' and 'whore' yabu :(

Agree with those who say YANBU because it's just not nice having strangers staying in your home, however she knows your DP. I don't think any house guests should have extended stays (more than one night) unless they're family or close friends.

What RealityVom said on page 1.

YANBU
I was wondering how you DH would feel if one of your ex's asked the same?

ICouldHAveWrittenThis - so your DH/DP had sex with your sister before you?

Winny - YANBU not wanting someone you don't know, staying in your small place, for 5 days, when you are very busy... it doesn't help that she's slept with your DP, but it's not the main objection is it. It's really that she's a stranger, who he barely knows, and it's inconvenient.

I see that I'm in the minority to be totally cool with an ex of my dh's, I've never met sleep on my couch for 5 days.

Let's be honest there probably is a good chance that if the op's dp has stuck his penis into the women's vagina & ejaculated, then he found her sexily attractive,yes?

People do age/get fat/go bald,etc but, a lot of the time I would say that if your attracted to a person then you generally will on a physical level always see them in the light of being sexual.

What I'm trying to say is to strip down all emotion & purely on a base level, the op's dp was once so attracted to this other woman that he desired her & fucked her.

I believe when there is a history such as this, then living at close quarters would bring about a frisson of flirtation for the two involved.

Op's dp may see ex coming out of the shower with just a towel & his thoughts may be rekindled along the lines of "Wonder if her tits are still as great?" , "Wow, she's still got great legs",etc.