Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dropped DS off with the CM whilst I'm home ...

87 replies

WhereToStartYetAgain · 01/12/2010 11:53

... working, I might add! (Other than the occasional glance at MN)

CM lives a few doors down from me and has 2 charges, my DS and another child. The other child was off today as her sibling's school was closed and their mum had to stay home with them for the day.

DH and I are at home, working. I cleared our path and our elderly neighbours', dropped DS off at CM's this morning as usual, and DH and I decided to brave the snow to do some hoarding shopping for us and our elderly neighbours. Got back and I decided to clear the pavement in front of ours and our neighbours' houses (as elderly neighbours mentioned popping out later, I figured even a safe 3m stretch of pavement was better than nothing) and bumped into CM taking DS over to a fellow CM's for a playdate. Her child (13) is off school today and she seemed a little miffed at me. I asked her if she'd like me to clear the ice on the pavement in front of her house and she threw a backward glance at me saying "If you'd like." I suddenly felt guilty and made several assurances that I would try and pick DS up early.

However, now I'm thinking about it, I don't know how I'm in the wrong. Sure, she would love to have a snow day like a lot of other people, but DH and I still have to work, which is next to impossible to do if DS was home. And I don't see clearing the pavement of treacherous ice in front of our house as skiving. 'Twas a very odd encounter. Don't get me wrong - I love our CM to bits, and she's great CM and neighbour to us. Just wondering whether IWBU to drop DS off when it seemed obvious that CM would have loved a snow day in with her family?

OP posts:
mistletoekisses · 01/12/2010 20:10

YANBU.

Both DH and I worked from home today. DS was dropped off at nursery and we both got work done. The drive also got cleared and I popped to the shops to get some basics stocked up.

I maybe only got 4 good hours of work done today, but if DS had been at home, that would have been much less!

Dexterrocks · 01/12/2010 20:19

Is it possible that she felt guilty getting "caught" nipping over to her freind's for a chat and that is why she looked funny?

NameyNameyChangerydoo · 01/12/2010 20:26

YANBU - you are paying her to look after your child and it is none of her business what you are doing when she is doing it! Fair enough she wanted a snow day (and to get paid as well), but if I took a snow day I wouldn't get paid - that's how it works unfortunately.

But you are being nice in collecting him early anyway :)

feistychickfightingthebull · 01/12/2010 20:44

YANBU, I do this all the time and my lovely minder couldn't give a toss whether I decided to jump around in the snow or do some work.

Janos · 01/12/2010 20:52

Blimey, of course YANBU.

Also rofl at people who think clearing drives and shopping for neighbours counts as 'fun'. Bloody hell, what do you people think of as work?

Tolalola · 01/12/2010 20:55

YADNBU. I'm astonished that there are CMs who think it is any of their business what the parents get up to while the CM is looking after the children.

Whether you work full time or want to lie in bed all day eating bonbons and watching crap telly while someone else is paid to look after your children, that's entirely your choice.

The CM has no right at all to be miffed, whatever you're doing. She's not doing you a favour, she's providing a service for money.

Original poster
WhereToStartYetAgain · 02/12/2010 07:30

Crud! So, we've had more snow overnight. I can't get into college but still have to work. DH can't get into work, but will be doing video conferences from home. CM just sent me a text saying, "Wow, more snow. Just saw the news dont think any trains are running." Don't know what to text back. I feel like she's trying to hint again that I should keep DS home today. What to do, what to do? Confused

OP posts:
twopeople · 02/12/2010 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

altinkum · 02/12/2010 07:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elliepac · 02/12/2010 07:38

YAdefNBU. I am a teacher off work due to snow and am about to walk DD to CM's. I have already paid for the service and I am going to use it so I can get a bit of work done, some housework and maybe a sneaky afternoon nap Wink. She provides a service, what you do in your time is entirely up to you.

curlyredhead · 02/12/2010 07:46

Just ask her. Text back: good job I work from home, no commuting! Are you ok to have ds today? Hope so, lot's to get on with!

Longtalljosie · 02/12/2010 08:24

"in response to the suggestion that the cm I know are unprofessional psml!.They bitch about the mums all the time!"

Well that's removed all doubt then hasn't it? They are totally unprofessional.

Original poster
WhereToStartYetAgain · 02/12/2010 08:54

Hmmm, I've dropped DS off. No smiles from CM this morning. She said she was going into town and her DP would drive her in as she was "going crazy being stuck in the house". I said DH and I would be working from home as usual and hope they kept warm and safe.

As much as I don't think a trip into town in current conditions is the best idea, I do trust her DP to drive them safely - he's already picked one of her former charge's mums up from where she was stranded yesterday evening. But it did make me go Hmm as I bumped into her DP earlier this morning whilst clearing our path and asked him jokingly if he was popping out today, to which his response was something along the lines of "not on your nelly!"

Oh well, have cleared our and neighbours' path. Going to rush down breakfast (which I totally forgot to have yesterday!) and get stuck in to college work.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 02/12/2010 08:57

She'll just have to get over it...

snowflake69 · 02/12/2010 09:00

I work in a nursery but when I am not working I regularly drop my child off so I can go home and sleep, go shopping with my mum or relax. I know loads of the parents do it to and nobody thinks there is anything wrong with it.

Longtalljosie · 02/12/2010 09:12

I took leave a couple of months ago so I could paint my bathroom. Clearly DD went to the CM as usual or I wouldn't have been able to do it.

pointydog · 02/12/2010 09:15

yanbu but I think it's good to help people out a bit when things go pear-shaped and it must be hard-going to entertain children other than your own when all your usual routines and outings are impossible and children drag wet snow and clothes into your house at regular intervals.

If it was me, I'd concentrate on studying for a good 3 hours, have lunch, then pick up my child early at half one or so.

ItalianLady · 02/12/2010 09:18

I would be seriously thinking of looking for a new CM. You pay her to look after your child, she isn't doing you a favour. I would also not be happy about them driving in this. A trip out because she is going stir crazy is not a vital journey imo.

pointydog · 02/12/2010 09:27

Oh come on, have some empathy. It must be hard looking after small childrne in weather like this.

It makes you feel good to do something nice for someone else, you know. It's not all about money.

nbee84 · 02/12/2010 09:27

Did you have a snowball fight and are you going to the village Xmas fayre Wink thread here

YANBU at all. You and dh have work to do that you can't get done with children around. None of her business what you do anyway. Have yourself a shag at lunchtime too Grin

pointydog · 02/12/2010 09:28

I mean, listen to yourself. Oh so she's going stir crazy, well tough, she shouldn't be going out with someone else's child, she should stay home and be miserable.

I'd much rather help out, make my cm's life a bit more bearable and in turn she will be happier when doing her job.

Is that worth nothgin? Really?

pointydog · 02/12/2010 09:29

I've always found it easy to study at night.

DamselInDisgrace · 02/12/2010 09:57

But pointydog, it is silly for someone whose chosen profession is childminding to complain (to those who choose to use their services) about having to stay in and look after children in bad weather. And then to passive aggressively angle for a (paid) day or half day off is not professional. It's a foreseeable part of the job, and one that you'd be prepared for. I'm sure childminders have lots of indoor activities and toys to keep the children entertained. Just because people who can't get in to work get a snow day, doesn't mean everyone is automatically entitled to one. Every job has crap bits that you don't enjoy; you have to accept that and get on with it.

It really doesn't matter what the OP does while she pays someone to look after her child. I don't care why a childminder should care about that at all. It also doesn't matter that she could study at night; she pays a childminder and has a right to use her services.

DamselInDisgrace · 02/12/2010 09:58

That should be 'I don't see why a childminder should care'.

llareggub · 02/12/2010 10:06

Oh really, she is a little passive-aggressive, isn't she? If she doesn't want to work today then she should just say so. To be honest, if my CM ever gave me the impression that the job was driving her crazy I'd look for a new one.

Mindees aren't just for good weather.