to think it's not acceptable to be this fucking rude?

[peeringintothevoid]

I've never posted a fred about a fred before, but I'm burning with a sense of injustice.

There's a thread that's really annoyed me, and I'm bringing it up here because I'm digressing from the OP completely (and noone's replying there )

On this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1094020-to-think-hubby-should-have-cut-short-his-bender/AllOnOnePage#22509239 (p5) a man posting a 'male perspetive' on a situation was called, by one poster, the following:

Stupid, lazy and selfish.
Childish.
Ignorant twat.
Cunt.
Selfish dick.
You really are quite thick, aren't you? DimGuy (a derogatory play on his username).
Gobshite.
Stupid, sexist, patronising, lazy and shite.
Utter fucking knobhead.

The (male) poster had been nothing but polite in his posts, and was trying to make a useful and respectful contribution to the thread.

Do something for me: imagine that a woman had posted a 'female perspective' on a male-dominated forum. All the other replies were from men, being supportive of the male OP. Our woman comes along and tries to describe how many but not all (he made that distinction) women might view this situation. The woman poster is called the names I listed above. I think that would strike many of you as being unreasonable and chauvinistic. AIBU?

Peering - I've read through Spi's posts and I think your exaggerating slightly. So far I've found that she called him thick, Dimguy and an ignorant twat. The rest is either not directed at him personally or came after you started having a go at her.

Really think this is a thread about a thread about nothing in particular.

dittany you cunt :o

Yes, it is dittany.

There is something very nasty about deliberately drawing fire on to someone in this way - especially while claiming the moral highground.

Janos I repeat I did report her.

I repeat, the point of the thread is that I don't think I've ever seen this level of vitriol directed at a woman on MN, yet it seems acceptable to direct it at a man - that strikes me a chauvinistic. I was curious to see whether other posters recognised the imbalance and inequality that I see. Some do, some don't, which is, of course, fine.
I don't think I've been spiteful or vindictive.

you've not been on mn long then peering
vitriol is us
or maybe you are niceguy2?

I would have to go through the thread again to check for sure but I don't recall Spidookly directly calling Niceguy all those names in your OP... I think she was mostly saying that if you followed Niceguys thinking through to it's conclusion it would mean that all men are selfish dicks, etc. Which she believes they aren't.

I don't personally subscribe to some of the OTT [imo] name calling that goes on in some threads but I genuinely didn't find what Spidookly wrote as offensive.

But I found Niceguy's attitude and comments [particularly saying that as a man he couldn't really understand how pregnancy is for a woman but then followed that with saying that pregnancy isn't an illness and women should just get on with it]to be contradictory and arrogant.

I would give Spidookly a pat on the back actually for calling him on his sexist [to men and women] attitude.

I can't find where half of these insults are that are meant to be directed at Niceguy!!!!! Really don't see anything that hasn't been done before on MN.

Me and my family were once called a bunch of stupid twats on here and nobody started a thread to say how awful it was. :(

Every insult that I copied and pasted was either addressed directly to the poster, or indirectly ie anyone who thinks this is ok or understandable (which clearly the male poster must do, to have written it) is x y z.

I didn't name spidookly she came her herself. I linked to the thread because I've read lots of posts where it's said you mustn't just allude to another thread, because it's confusing. When someone is as vicious as those posts were, it doesn't strike me that pulling them up on it is 'vindictive'.

Yes, I know you did peering.

I disagree with you and think you are being very disingenuous here.

It's really unpleasant to single out a poster in the way you have done.

cherrybea if I'd heard you and your family referred to as a bunch of stupid twats then I'd have posted to say how fucking rude that was. I said how rude this was on the other thread; this thread was to explore the sexist element of it.

if you're worried about male/female relations why don't you start here The hatred there is something to behold and I've never seen anything comparable on the MN boards ever. Actually I'm a bit sick of the Poor Men threads that have popped up recently.
BTW don't diss spidookly. I've agreed with everything she's written today

Yes Janos, that's what I thought about the other thread.

Ah but Niceguy said he didn't agree with the OPs dh's actions, he was trying to justify them or explain them with his insights on how the male mind works.

So, when she said, if a man didn't help his wife when ill and vulnerable he was a cunt, clearly Niceguy wouldn't do that and therefore isn't a cunt.

I think half of those insults can be removed from your list!

But that's the whole fucking point sixpercenttruejedi - if the chauvinistic hatred is repulsive there, then it's surely repulsive here, too.

Well thank you for all your replies. I'm off to bed.

Yes, it was rude and upset me for a while but it's how MN is. I've learned to live with it. Don't think it's sexist though.

No peering. You have started a thread with the clear intention of drawing fire onto another poster. You've put their comments in your OP and linked to the thread they were made on!

Spidookly was responding to posts someone made on another thread - that's entirely different to what you've done here.

They're not comparable, by any means.
Woman gets pissed off because Man does something to piss her off, whilst trying not to get mad because of a desire to Be Reasonable
vs
Men piling vitriol, hatred and spite on the whole of womanhood, purely for being women.
Read a thread in mumsnet, read a thread on antimisandry. they aren't comparable at all.

Wonder if Niceguy's that bothered?

Off to bed, hope this is still here in the morning.

Is this what about the menz night or something? People are derailing threads all over the shop!

I don't really want to get into this [woose emoticon], but I have to say I think some posters do go way over the top with the name-calling and personal insults.

Whether you think the guy is being outrageously sexist or not, to rant back so viciously is not going to help change his perspective, and is hardly conducive to meaningful debate. On fora such as these you are going to find lots of different opinions, and it should be possible to tell someone "I don't agree with what you are saying because.." without resorting to mindless insults. I have no objection to general swearing (actually I rather like it ) but I feel really uncomfortable when it is directed at another person- it just seems really nasty.

Imagine you were having a conversation with people you didn't know very well at a restaurant, and you proffered an opinion on something that they found shocking, or even offensive- would you start shouting and swearing, or would you say "I find your opinion offensive because.."?

I don't like MN when people get unpleasant to one another

it all depends if he is open to having his perspective changed or if he is just intruding in bad faith, looking for a wind-up?
I don't think niceguy2 will be mortally offended. It's only words on a screen, after all.

See, I know it's just "words on a screen" but sometimes they can really get to you. I consider myself to be quite a rational, nice person, but on a forum I was on ages ago, I ventured an opinion on why I thought setting children boundaries in terms of discipline was ok, given that we do also subconciously set boundaries for our friends/ husbands etc. I was told I was a horrible controlling shrew of a mother, and a terrible friend and wife- it really upset me to think that someone could insult me so personally and viciously on the basis of one opinion. On the basis of "words on a screen", that person drew some pretty nasty conclusions, and I know I should have laughed it off, but I couldn't.

Maybe I am too sensitive, though

Words on a screen don't tend to hurt those who are looking for a reaction. so when someone appears to post in bad faith, people call them on it knowing that it's an act. the down side is sometimes genuine posters get an undeserved flaming, that's the nature of a public board.
btw I agree with boundaries, was it on MN that you got flamed?