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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to enjoy being around DS more than DD?

20 replies

wintersnow · 30/11/2010 09:08

Firstly let me just say that without a doubt I love my children equally, I just find DS a lot easier to be around and is wracks me with guilt. DD has always been very intense and hard work, she screams and cries if she doesn't get her own way, isn't very affectionate and will never do as she is asked, she is a fantastic child but just very hard work, we can't get through a school run without me having to tell her off several times. I don't mean that to sound negative, I am just trying to explain the situation. DS is is the complete opposite, he is very calm and affectionate, doesn't scream if he doesn't get his way and is always happy. I'm wondering if it's something I've done wrong or if it is just DD's personality. She was like this before DS was born and has got better btw.

OP posts:
julybutterfly · 30/11/2010 09:14

I had this exact thought at 7.30 this morning as DS sat happily doing a puzzle while DD sat screaming and crying because I'd asked her to get dressed!! She is hard work and I'd much rather take DS out for the day than her because I know, no matter how much fun I made it, she would whinge and moan the whole time.

I actually wondered the same thing about it either being my fault or just a 'girl ' thing (stereotyping I know!)

Original poster
wintersnow · 30/11/2010 09:25

julybutterfly I could have written your last post myself! I do really wonder if it's a girl/boy thing as the vast majority of mothers I have spoken to have said the same thing.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 30/11/2010 09:26

My DP has two sons and DSS1 has always been very hard work. It's not a boy/girl thing, it's a personality thing.

Goingspare · 30/11/2010 09:28

Please, not a girl thing, but I think it's sometimes easier to enjoy the company of one child over another at different stages of their lives.

DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain · 30/11/2010 09:29

I think a lot of mothers have a favourite. Of course you love your dc but I suppose you cannot help liking one more than the others if that one is easier to be around and more on your wavelength. One thing is caring for a child and another thing is enjoying their company. My mother had two girls and a boy and it was always quite clear that she felt closest to her son. We knew that but it didn't damage us for life I don't think.She was still a good mother to us. What I didn't like was if she spoke to me disparagingly of my sister which she sometimes did.

annoyingdevil · 30/11/2010 10:11

Of course, it's not a boy/girl thing. DS is harder work than DD

Original poster
wintersnow · 30/11/2010 10:43

in my experience people have said their daughters are harder work than their sons, obvioulsy not everyone but the vast majority. Your experiences will be different to mine but it doesn't make either experience right or wrong. I am due with another DS next week and he may well be harder work than DD.

OP posts:
darleneconnor · 30/11/2010 10:54

how old are they?

is there a reason for her 'bad' behaviour?

how is she with other people?

Original poster
wintersnow · 30/11/2010 11:31

DD is 5 and DS is 2 and a half. She is fine with other people although her teachers say she has a strong personality. I wouldn't say her behaviour is bad all the time but it certainly can be, she has always had a very intense personality, since she was born actually! I was a single parent up until she was 18 months and did find it hard so I often wonder if it's that she didn't have the attention of two parents like DS did, I really don't know...

OP posts:
mrsshackleton · 30/11/2010 12:58

Two dds and dd2 is MUCH easier to be around than dd1. Just the way they came out.

chipmonkey · 30/11/2010 13:45

I have four boys and they are all very different. Oddly enough, mothers of girls tend to pity me but I think they don't realise that boys can actually be very easy.

Don't feel guilty. Of course you will enjoy the company of the easier one better than the stroppy one! So long as they both know they are loved and cared for and you don't actively show favouritism,the small stuff will iron itself out.

And if they are young, you may find a total reversal once they hit the teens!Grin

MangoTango · 30/11/2010 13:51

I have two dds and the elder one fits your description of your ds and the younger fits your description of your dd. In my experience people have said that some boys are easy, some are hard, some girls are easy and some are hard.

ElusiveMoose · 30/11/2010 14:01

I've always wondered whether it's first children who tend to be harder (PFB syndrome, grow up thinking the world revolves around them etc). Certainly DS1 sounds very like your DD (actually, he's very affectionate, but also extremely negative about everything, and very sensitive/highly strung). DS2 is only 3 months old ATM, so tricky to tell Grin, but he already seems more placid and generally laid back.

ElusiveMoose · 30/11/2010 14:02

Though MangoTango, that's obv not the case for you.

ShanahansRevenge · 30/11/2010 14:02

NOT a girl thing! I have two DD and DD1 is easy to be around in that she entertains herself and is happy to be alone....as a toddler she would sit in her buggy for ages whilst I walked miles...DD2 however is on the go 24-7. She wants me to play all the time, screams at me if I dont react fast enough...and wont go in her buggy but wants to walk all the time.

But I dont want to be with her any less.

blushingm · 30/11/2010 14:04

i could have written you post but the exact opposite - DS has always been difficult and demanding whereas DD has always been so easy.

i do wonder if i have done something wrong with DS Hmm

Tikiinasantahat · 30/11/2010 14:21

It is not a girl thing. I have three and they are all very different. None of them scream and moan all the time. I find different things difficult about all of them though. I think it also changes over time. You might find that your dd will go through a time when she is the easiest one to be around.

nannynobnobs · 30/11/2010 14:25

Same here... DD1 has been a challenge since day one, DD2 is very easy- going and doesn't take so much out of me IYKWIM. I would go to the ends of the earth for both of them but DD2 is SO much easier to spend time with. It doesn't help that when they are together, DD1 will provoke/coerce DD2 into bad behaviour or antagonise her until she literally screams or cries.

BEAUTlFUL · 30/11/2010 14:26

My DS1 is much, much harder work than my adorable, sunny DS2. I thought it was an attention/lack of attention thing - DS2 hasn't had as much attention as DS1 and so seems to crave it less.

It's really hard not to favour DS2 when he is so cheerful, obedient and helpful. But then, it's easier to appreciate DS1 when he is sitting quietly rading a book whilst DS2 cheerfully, sunnily, and "helpfully" pulls all the other books off the bookcases for him...

5GoldenFimbos · 30/11/2010 14:26

I don't know. I have a 5.5 age gap between mine. Ds was harder work as a baby/toddler than dd but now she is nearly a teenager she is prone to stroppy outbursts, I find ds much easier. He is a delight to be around on his own.

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