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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want in-laws to give Xmas presents on 19th Dec?

86 replies

missworld2010 · 28/11/2010 21:41

I can't believe how irritated I am by this, but obviously there's history of other things ;)

however, taken as this one situation at face value, do you think I am allowed to make it clear to my in-laws that I don't want them to hand over presents and let our girls open them when they come to visit BEFORE Christmas,on 19th Dec?

Part of the history is that since DD1 was born 5 years ago, we have taken it in turns to have either my parents or in-laws here to stay for Christmas itself (they both live far away), but somehow the in-laws have always managed to invite themselves to come on Boxing Day if it's not their turn. Which means we have a houseful, not enough room to move around, and the girls get all too stressed, and I get way too stressed etc. So I politely asked DH to politely ask them not to do that this time, thinking (but stupidly not making clear) that they would come around 29th or over New Year sort of time. So instead they picked to come beforehand, and I just have a sneaky suspicion that they will walk in and as a 'fait accompli' present (excuse the pun) the girls with their presents so it would seem unfair not to let them open them.

Surely Christmas is about waiting til the magic of Christmas Day?!!

Aaaaaaaaaaarggggggh. thanks, glad I got that out Angry and Blush

OP posts:
Hulababy · 28/11/2010 22:19

My DD doesn't see her grandparents on Christmas Day. She sees them before and after, It just has never come into it for us, nor in my childhood or DH's. Gifts are exchanged before and then opened on Christmas Day. It would feel very starnge to me that it would be different. However, for us it is not an issue as grandaprents feel the same.

I guess if a grandparent did want DD to open agift in theri presence earlier then we would give in, but make sure that DD knew it was a special treat and not the norm for other gifts.

MerryMarigold · 28/11/2010 22:20

It depends. If I liked my IL's I would let the kids open then to make the IL's happy. If I didn't like the IL's I would be all principled and get the kids to wait Grin.

I think you're right that the history is influencing it. If you'd really rather they came after xmas then make the kids save the presents and maybe they will come after xmas next year. I'm sure they just come Boxing Day when it's not their turn as they really want to see the kids. Do they have any other grandchildren?

I don't have this problem as IL's live a very long way away and have no money for xmas gifts.

Original poster
missworld2010 · 28/11/2010 22:22

A-ha, MerryMarigold, think you've just hit the nail on the head. I can go to sleep happy now, thank you! Smile

OP posts:
BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/11/2010 22:22

Maybe it depends on how often you see them?

IF (god forbid) my parents decided to come and see me before Christmas (hahahaha) then as they haven't seen the DS's since last year then I'm sure they'd rather like to see them open their presents.

Back in the days when they used to see the DS's regularly it wouldn't have been an issue - they'd have asked us to hide the presents until Christmas day.

lilyliz · 28/11/2010 22:24

why not have them all for boxing day and get some buffet food out for them then you can have Xmas day for dH and the kids.

cory · 28/11/2010 22:25

We travel by air for Christmas so any presents given to dcs in this country will have to be opened beforehand: no way we'd be able to fit those in our luggage together with all the presents we're taking for over there. But the main thing is that grandparents do want to see presents opened, so we've always had a small extra-Christmas before the real day. It has never made Christmas feel any less magical. Happy faces is what Christmas is all about.

themanwhocantbemoved · 28/11/2010 22:26

OP - FWIW, I am totally with you on letting them know quite clearly when it is OK or not for them to come, but then feel strongly on whether or not the DC can open the presesnts.

(for me, I know my in-laws take great pleasure in choosing presents, and it isnt 'selfish' to want to have the pleasure of seeing them open them.)

but I guess it shows its horses for courses and everyone is differnt....I feel strongly for various reasons that I give my DC the sort of calm, happy chrismtas that i always wwanted (so am very strict, but hopefully fair) about what we do when....but equally I feel strongly about the whole point of present giving is the giving/recieving bit of it.

So would just say if you can give a little ...if it matters to them, it matter a lots (as it would to me). (but then am totally with the whole gotta do whats right for you, and if that is a big thing for you and your family....fair enough)

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/11/2010 22:28

oh god - now I'm getting nightmares about my parents suddenly deciding out of the blue they're going to come down.

Not that they know where I live (although they have my phone number and have rung me on it since I moved Confused)

DuelingFanio · 28/11/2010 22:35

you can just get the presents and say 'thank you, we'll put those under the tree for Christmas day' surely?

toomanychristmaslights · 28/11/2010 22:39

What does your dh want?

think what the real issue is and only pick the battles that are worth fighting.

As Christmas is so busy for us and ds has aspergers, we spread the presents out so Christmas day is relaxed and kids have some new toys while I'm busy leading up to the 25th.

gasman · 28/11/2010 22:43

I have worked all of the last 10 Christmas's apart from 2004.

My immediate family (parents/ sibs + partners + now sprogs/ Granny) have got very used to having Christmas on some other day so that I can go too.

This was debated at some length this year as once again I'm working over Christmas. My brother summed it up well "but it is all about family - why would we exclude gasman - she is family too" Usually we do Box. Day or the 27th but one year we did the 23rd. They all go to the 'extended' family Christmas on Christmas Day too.

We always open our presents as a family unit.

I think if you have told ILs you won't see them Christmas Day or Box Day then there aren't being unreasonable.

Original poster
missworld2010 · 28/11/2010 22:53

Thanks all, think you're right, IWBU!!! Will just swallow my pride and look on the upside of having them here before - just as long as they don't then decide to come after too Sad].

Will also remember not to post on AIBU again without giving whole story Grin

OP posts:
onmyfeet · 28/11/2010 23:07

Glad you decided to let them open them. And if you think about it, it doesn't ruin anything doing it early, just extends the magical Christmas feeling! Maybe you can have a special dinner and exchange presents with them that night. We often do that, to make it work with when my dh has time off work.

SparkleSoiree · 28/11/2010 23:08

Missworld as with anything we all have to take the good with the bad and that goes for inlaws too!

toomanychristmaslights · 28/11/2010 23:09

I'm beginning to wonder if there are any families that are normal and totally looking forward to Christmas with the extended family Hmm

I say this as someone who has made dh phone his parents as I'm too nervous and have sent texts to my brother about where he will be sleeping when he stays as he is making demands.... Grin

SparkleSoiree · 28/11/2010 23:17

We are at home christmas day with all the children on our own. We will make phone calls to thank for presents at various points through the day.

We are visiting friends for boxing day and stopping over.

We then have inlaws coming on 30th for 3 days and we have booked a couple of things whilst they are up.

Are we normal? Grin

onmyfeet · 28/11/2010 23:24

Yes Sparkle, you are normal. :)

SparkleSoiree · 28/11/2010 23:26

Drats.

tulipgrower · 28/11/2010 23:27

My DS opened his first Christmas present yesterday. Grin

My brother visited this weekend and brought it with him. As he lives in a different country, and will be spending Christmas at the other end of the world, we did a whole mini-Christmas, incl. crackers, stockings, fancy dinner, Christmas CDs, advents wreath, ... The present was a huge keyboard which is laid on the floor, and makes the appropriate noises when you walk on the keys. The two of them had a great time trying it out. It would have been such a pity, for both my DS and my brother if they'd missed out on this experience together. (DS is only 2.4, so no real concept of Christmas/time yet anyway.)

onmyfeet · 28/11/2010 23:28

We are having Christmas at the in-laws on Dec. 23rd. That is the day both dh and ds's gf are both off at the same time. We will exchange presents with them that night. We are bringing the pre-cooked Christmas dinner with us, so mil won't be burdened (health issue). Then on Christmas Day, dh works, so we will open the rest of the presents before he leaves (afternoon shift) then have a nice dinner that night.

DilysPrice · 28/11/2010 23:33

We are having inlaws over pre xmas, they are leaving on boxing day and we will then go down to spend 2 nights with my parents.

We are looking forward to it immensely, as we love all four of them very dearly.
The reason why no-one else has ever said this on MN is that it is a) dull and b) smug.

DuelingFanio · 28/11/2010 23:36

Isn't 'normal' when all presents are delivered and they are opened on the right day (Christmas day) and none of them come from santa apart from those in the stocking? Confused

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/11/2010 23:49

not "normal" if you traditional open them on Christmas Eve or Epiphany Wink

Morloth · 29/11/2010 02:14

Christmas starts here on about the 20th and we 'do' Christmas day many times over until around 5ty January in order to see everyone.

It really isn't a problem, grandparents eh, wanting to see their grandkids and GIVE them things, what next?!

Original poster
missworld2010 · 29/11/2010 11:50

DuelingFanio, I'm with you, thanks for making me feel 'normal' for 2 seconds (our family certainly isn't!!)

OP posts:
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