to not want in-laws to give Xmas presents on 19th Dec?

[missworld2010]

I can't believe how irritated I am by this, but obviously there's history of other things ;)

however, taken as this one situation at face value, do you think I am allowed to make it clear to my in-laws that I don't want them to hand over presents and let our girls open them when they come to visit BEFORE Christmas,on 19th Dec?

Part of the history is that since DD1 was born 5 years ago, we have taken it in turns to have either my parents or in-laws here to stay for Christmas itself (they both live far away), but somehow the in-laws have always managed to invite themselves to come on Boxing Day if it's not their turn. Which means we have a houseful, not enough room to move around, and the girls get all too stressed, and I get way too stressed etc. So I politely asked DH to politely ask them not to do that this time, thinking (but stupidly not making clear) that they would come around 29th or over New Year sort of time. So instead they picked to come beforehand, and I just have a sneaky suspicion that they will walk in and as a 'fait accompli' present (excuse the pun) the girls with their presents so it would seem unfair not to let them open them.

Surely Christmas is about waiting til the magic of Christmas Day?!!

Aaaaaaaaaaarggggggh. thanks, glad I got that out and

[fluffles]

OMG! I can't believe everybody is for opening on random days in december

we ALWAYS kept our presents for christmas morning - when we were young they were hidden out of sight and as we got older we put them under the tree.

i STILL put any presents from people i am given under the tree until christmas morning.

i can't believe people open presents willy-nilly around december.

[missworld2010]

I never said I was ungrateful, and I do want them to see them open them, I just would have preferred after Christmas, like onimolap (thanks for getting it!). Else if it's going to be before Christmas next weekend would be a fair bit easier so we're not right into the last minute rush of wrappign our own presents up etc

[missworld2010]

and thanks Fluffles! OMG indeed!!

[pleasechange]

fluffles what's the worst than can happen . Does it really matter than much, really?

[ArentFanny]

We did this a couple of years ago and was fine and lovely so yes YABU.

[Portofino]

Kids don't care what the DATE is! St Nicolas comes here to bring pressies on 6th December, which a Monday. Unsurprisedly, he will be coming a bit early.

The "magic of xmas day" is a bit overhyped imho. Once the tree is up and all the special programmes are on tv, when you are little, it is ALL special.

[wondersnuffle]

I also think opening the presents with the people who've brought them is more important than sticking to a precise date.

[maktaitai]

YABU on the actual facts of the case - what Belligerent Ghoul said. TBH I think swallow this one and let it happen.

It is hard to feel like you have no control over what happens in your house, though, so I don't blame you for feeling stressed about it.

[SparkleSoiree]

Christmas - peace and goodwill to all - including inlaws! Let the children open their pressies and give their grandparents the joy of seeing their excitement.

[Hulababy]

Evryone I know exchanges presents before Christmas Day which then go under the tree to be opened on Christmas Da itself, with thanks you being done by phone on the day or soon as you see them.

Have never seen this exchange and open beore and after Christmas TBH and I have to admit I do find it a bit odd.

And FWIW I love buying gifts and love handig gifts over. I do not need to see the child open the gift in order to fee;l nice in giving the gift. I am happy that it will be opened on the BIG DAY itself - the right time IMO - and they can tell me all about it afetrwards.

It;s only on MN I have learnt about the random opening of gifsts throughout December.

[themanwhocantbemoved]

YABTotallyU - I am of the school of thought that the whole point and pleasure of present-giving is about seeing the recepients reaction - particularly for children. To me it just feels all so material otherwise as children dont associate the present with the giver and therefore just another material item. I think incredibly mean and selfish (sorry) to deny someone of that.

[BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree]

it's not "random days in December" - it's when you're with family who would rather be there on Boxing Day - but can't.

In lots of places it's traditional to open the presents on Christmas Eve....and some don't open until Epiphany (in January!). There is no "rule" that says presents must only be opened on the 25th December

[IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern]

YANBU, I also cannot believe that so many poeple open presents whenever throughout December.
I do admit when the dc's were toddlers I would often let them open presents from people as they got them partly because they can find all the presents and things overwhelming all at once, but even impatient DS1 (4) knows they go under the tree and last year manage to restrain himself.

It is overwhelming for any child to have so much going on and so many people around, I agree with teh approach that you say to them beforehand that you'll sneak them into the house later and that pre-empts them coming in armed with loads fo gifts.

[fluffles]

allnew the worst that can happen is that the kids are not sooo excited that they fail to sleep all night on christmas eve because they're going to get PRESENTS the next day

i don't know - i just find random present giving and opening odd. i also keep birthday presents given before the day for the morning itself.

[fluffles]

all the people saying 'some do it on epiphany' and 'some do it christmas eve' are all missing the point that there's always a particular DAY on which it's done.. not willy-nilly

[BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree]

present from friends and distant relatives (or those that don't give 2 hoots about watching the boys open their prseents) get put under the tree until Christmas day. Even the infant school PTA present of a chocolate selection box goes under the tree.

But close friends or family (actually mostly the former these days...) who are making an extra effort nd would like to be there when the boys open their presents get done earlier if needs be.

It's certainly not any old random days.

[themanwhocantbemoved]

have to say find it amazing that people think it better to store up a load of presents to be opened among many on one day so that a) DC not interested in any pne present and b) have no cluie who it came from...versus the enjoyment of giving and receiving a gift in person. I LOVE the magis of Christmas, but for me this is all part of it rather than the crazy idea of 'random' days in December....surely that is EXACTLY what it the whole present giving aspect of christmas is all about....!?

[BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree]

actually not true - some people that open on Christmas even open a few on Christmas eve and then the rest of Christmas day....and some do Christmas day and epiphany.

For me making friends and family happy if they want to be their when the presents are opened is more important than "the day".

We are talking about grandparents wanting to watch their Grandchildren open their presents. After making a journey to see the family.

[RiverOfSleep]

In our house presents go under the tree until Christmas day. The children know they have to be patient and wait and it's all part of the build up. I would not let GPs give them things to open before. But hopefully DCs would put them under tree automatically. Or at least when I said brightly 'how kind, let's pop them under the tree until Christmas'...

[mamatomany]

YABU - my poor aunty has to put up with this from her DIL, do your DC's not write thank you notes to those who think of them and buy them a gift, if so then for it to be genuine they need to know who bought what surely ?

[Hulababy]

"presents to be opened among many on one day so that a) DC not interested in any pne present and b) have no cluie who it came from..."

Neither a or b happens in our house despite Christmas day being the day for presents. DD is interested in all her gifts, always has been. Always been the type to take all day opening them, playing with it, and going back to the rest later. And she reads the lebels so knows who they are from - when she was smaller we told her. And we make a list so that she can do proper thank you letters at a later date. She, as I said, phones/soeaks her thanks on the day or close after too.

[themanwhocantbemoved]

Totally agree with baroqin! this is GP who are effectively 'having their christmas' with the family....is totally losing the point and spirit of christmas to do anything other than open them with them IMO.

[SharonGless]

Hula - these are grandparents though and it is basically their Christmas day which they are having early instead of 5 days late.

YABU OP although it sounds like you have got isshoes with your ILs.

My parents live 400 miles away so if we spend Christmas with them we have a Christmas celebration with ILs where we all exchange presents. Does it have to be on the day - what would Jesus say? Surely if it is in the spirit of Christmas - family celebration etc?

[muddleduck]

I have two sets of in laws. Both usually visit during december. One set leaves the presents under the tree. The other set gives the presents to the dc to open.

Either is fine with me. They buy the presents. They get to decide.

Wouldn't occur to me to get upset about this. It really doesn't matter.

Seems obvious to me that your anger is about other stuff.

[missworld2010]

Thanks all. Will as per usual let them have their way (that's kind of what's been happening for the past 5 years with them coming when they choose to).

I am definitely FOR the children being able to open presents when they are given them, by the person who is giving if it's possible, as I do think it's nice for the person giving to see their enjoyment (but then actually surely that's also selfish of the person giving to need to see that pleasure?!).

Thank you letters are always done for everything in our house whether the giver was present or not - don't think that makes them 'ingenuine'? It's just teaching the children to be thankful surely?

I have also not said that they can't come on boxing day, just suggested that it might be better to choose a day after my parents (and this year brothers too) have left (so the 27th or 28th?) so that the house is not so packed and girls not so overwhelmed. Feel like they are trying to 'trump' the Christmas celebration by getting in early - but again, that's down to the history and you're right it has nothing to do with my girls and when they'd like to open their presents (which is, of course, as soon as they are given them)