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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sleepovers

86 replies

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 28/11/2010 19:08

Yes a thread about another thread but I was sad/uneasy to hear that people don't send their children on sleepovers due to the possibility of a man being in the house

So

  1. Do you allow your children to go on sleepovers?
  1. Who does the most care/entertaining of children on the sleepover - you or dh/dp?
  1. What does your dh/dp think about children not being allowed to come on a sleepover at your family home - due to him being there?
OP posts:
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 28/11/2010 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamatomany · 28/11/2010 19:12
  1. No
  2. N/a
  3. hmm he'd be mortified I guess but at the end of the day it depends how well you know the family.

I don't do sleepovers on the basis of who wants children staying up all night and then grumpy all day, they are just asking for trouble and there's plenty of ways to have fun without depriving mummy of her well earned rest.

Original poster
lifeinagoldfishbowl · 28/11/2010 19:23

It is :( isn't it Reality :(

OP posts:
Original poster
lifeinagoldfishbowl · 28/11/2010 19:58

bump

OP posts:
Hulababy · 28/11/2010 20:03

1. Do you allow your children to go on sleepovers?

Yes. DD is 8y and goes on sleepovers most holidays - at least one. She has been having sleepovers at her best friends since about 4 or 5 yers, and with school friends from 5 or 6yo.

2. Who does the most care/entertaining of children on the sleepover - you or dh/dp?

Varies. TBH they are mostly left to their own devices. Either me or DH will offer drinks and snacks. I am the one who goes up to tell them to change into PJs, and whe it is time for lights out. DH will nip in and say goodnight and gives DD a kiss goodnight - he just says goodnight to the others.

3. What does your dh/dp think about children not being allowed to come on a sleepover at your family home - due to him being there?

Never ever occured. I think both he and I would be very Hmm about it and DH probably be a bit annoyed TBh. I would be quite cross inside and then probably not bother inviting said child again so DH wouldn't face such a silly judgemental issue occuring (IMO.)

Obviously if there was specifi reason behind this I would hope they;d just come and talk to me beforehand so we could allay their fears. But it would def put ius off asking the child ever again.

Howver I can honestly say that this has never happened yet and we have children round for sleepvers most holidays if we are around, and often or 4 children at a time. Never heard of this.

mumbar · 28/11/2010 20:03

I have let DS have a sleep over here with friends DD. He has not been on one and not sure I feel comfortable. Although he has spent the night at friends houses when I had minor op, yes their dh's were there, and no it didn't cross my mind that would be a problem, why would it?

Portofino · 28/11/2010 20:14
  1. Do you allow your children to go on sleepovers?

YES and dd is 6.

  1. Who does the most care/entertaining of children on the sleepover - you or dh/dp?

Me definitely.

  1. What does your dh/dp think about children not being allowed to come on a sleepover at your family home - due to him being there?

We have neighbours children ringing the bell sometimes early on a weekend morning. DH is often still in his dressing gown. He is not a paedophile so he would be totally bemused by the thought that other families would be scared to let their children into our house. FWIW, I am usually in MY dressing gown still too

ShanahansRevenge · 28/11/2010 20:15

I won't allow it yet. DD is 6 and it's far too young. Many kids of her age would be fine I am sure but my DD is too clingy...even to go to her cousins.

I think that until they are really in the know about how to act socially ALL the time then it's best to avoid. I think around 10 is ideal. If she got into a siuation she was not comfortable with then she would be too young to work out what to do.

I don't nkow her schoolfriends parents at all apart from playdates and the odd coffee. Nothing about their past...or their extended family who could pop in while my DD is there...so I couldn'tever send her there.

I think it's a modern fashion which is part o the whole thing we have these days with kids growing up too fast.

In the 8s when I was growing up there was no thought of it until we got to around ten.

ShanahansRevenge · 28/11/2010 20:16

I must stress that my choice is NOTHING to do with any Fathers...but more to do with the lac of knowledge I have abou schoolfriends parents and family.

Portofino · 28/11/2010 20:20

Is it just me that thinks it is Sad that all families are viewed with such distrust?

Original poster
lifeinagoldfishbowl · 28/11/2010 20:22

Agree Porto :(

OP posts:
StrawberryDawn · 28/11/2010 20:29
  1. Yes I do
  1. It's me - I am the one who's planned it out beforehand and has prepared a meal for the overnight guests to eat and entertainment in the evening of the sleepover. If things get too loud and rowdy however, I will send DH into the fray to gently dial things down a notch.
  2. My DH leaves decisions abour childcare up to me and while I would say he is the best DH in the whole wide world, if he was left to contend with a playdate/sleepover without me, he would be absolutelu lost.
macdoodle · 28/11/2010 20:30

Oh well no men in this house so we're ok! Ridiculous Hmm

ShanahansRevenge · 28/11/2010 20:31

I just feel that there is not enough to gain at such a young age from a sleepover...not enough to take any risk.

Hulababy · 28/11/2010 20:32

But would you feel the same about a "playdate?" when all the same situations could also arise re family dropping in.

ShanahansRevenge · 28/11/2010 20:38

It's true that friends could drop in I suppose...DD only has playdates with 2 families atm....one family always invites me too....and the other is a family I know well..they live one street away.

I suppose when she gets older I will have to et her go more...but as she is only 6 she certainly won't be spending the night anywhere other than with family.

tomhardyismydh · 28/11/2010 20:39

dd 4.7 has sleepovers with only 2 family friends houses.

I would not let her have sleepovers or play dates with school friends if I dont know the family not just fathers but mothers also.

I do view it a risk to put your child in the care of someone you dont know with the exception of organised/registared child care obviously.

ShanahansRevenge · 28/11/2010 20:42

I feel that people are too easy about it all...just as the majority on here feel tat there is too much paranoia...I feel there is not enough care taken in watching where our kids go...I mean we wouldn't send them to a nursery without knowing all the staff had been through police checks would we?

welshbyrd · 28/11/2010 20:43

Must mean only single mums kids are allowed to have friends sleeping over?

Ridiculous, Bizzare, pervy even?

welshbyrd · 28/11/2010 20:44

and does it mean, only men can be dangerous to children?

Hulababy · 28/11/2010 20:46

Have to admit that CRBs don't hold that much with me TBH. Enough cases inthe media int he past to show that they are not that effecient - the only show up the people who have been caught and are out of date as soon as the piece of paper comes back.

I think you have to trust your judgeent and you know your child. I have to trust that once at school my DD will make her own friends and that she will be able to speak up, at least to her parents, if there are any problems. I know the parents from the school gates and you gradually know them a little more from coffee or the odd night out. Sometimes you only meet one parent, sometimes both.

The reality is that there are not child abusers around every corner or in every four houses your child visits. They are rare occurences, no matter what the like of the daily mail tells us.

However, if your child is too shy or clingy, then fair enough. Thy are not ready.

But some children are ready to have playdates and then sleepovers from 4 or 5 years old.

ShanahansRevenge · 28/11/2010 20:53

I still feel that ready or not, they are best off in their own families until they're old enough to deal with anything which may occur...and not just perverts either.

Case in point...my niece had a sleepover at her friends when she was around 9 and this friends Dad who had moved out some time previous to that....he came round and began shouting through the windows at the friends Mum...my niece was terrified as he was drunk and threatning.

She phoned her Dad up to come and get her.

Imagine a 5 year old experiencing that? Domestics DO happen...people are different and so are their set-ups.

tomhardyismydh · 28/11/2010 20:54

childline this year revived the same number of calls relating to abuse by mothers against sons and by fathers against daughters. probably a narrow statistc to go by. but I googled it as I thought that I wouldfind reports stating more men would be. its probably imposible to prove either way as convictions dont reflect this.

for me its about saftey and comfort of my child and not even considering sexual abuse as the only reason, possible part of many other risks.

follyfoot · 28/11/2010 20:56

I'm not just sad that people wouldnt let their child go to a sleepover where a man is present, I'm astounded.

Would a parent who thinks like that allow an uncle, nephew or cousin be alone in a room with their child?

Just incredible. Poor poor children who are brought up in such an over protective way.

ShanahansRevenge · 28/11/2010 20:56

That i how I feel TomHardy...I worry more about DD being unable to tell someone she is unwell or sad....than about abuse.

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