Sleepovers

[lifeinagoldfishbowl]

Yes a thread about another thread but I was sad/uneasy to hear that people don't send their children on sleepovers due to the possibility of a man being in the house

So

1. Do you allow your children to go on sleepovers?

1. Who does the most care/entertaining of children on the sleepover - you or dh/dp?

1. What does your dh/dp think about children not being allowed to come on a sleepover at your family home - due to him being there?

DS is only 3 so it's not come up yet, but if I knew the parents well I would let him. He already knows if someone is doing something to him he doesn't like and he asks them to stop, they should. If they don't something is very very wrong and he knows how to seek help.

I do have a friend who would only let her DDs stay at my house, no one else's, and also does not let them wear skirts or dresses to school. Apparently they'd be easier to molest.

maryz - spooky, I was thinking of the group of Guides I took to Switzerland for 10 days 2 yrs ago!

When you do take kids on these trips, you can really tell the ones who have got used to sleeping away, and the ones who are a bit traumatised by it all.

D

Yes, I let my DS (9) go on sleepovers - wish he was invited to more .

My DH usually does the entertaining - ie: kicking a football/organising a cricket game etc.

Never known anyone not 'allowed' as DH is there. My DH is quite 'well known' locally as a sports coach, scout leader etc so that may (or may not!) help.

maryZ your comments surprise me, I have never had any enquries about cub sleepovers (many years as a Leader) - in fact I am quite surprised that no one does ask any questions .

My DD is still only 8y, so still younger thansome people feel comfortable with. Yet she has already been on two school residentials and will have at least one, if not two, a year whilst in primary.

The first was when she had just turned 8y, a couple of the girls in her class were still 7y, and they went for 3 days residential - to Centre Parcs. Every child in the class went. They are going again in May next year, when DD will be 9y. #

She also went on a 2 day residential last month - organised by school, but run by non school organisation - the HT stayed o site during the weekend, but strangers rann it and one same sex staff member slept in a bunk in their dorm. The girls were one side of the building and the boys from the local boy's school the other side.

She has missed the last Brownie residential but is hoping to do the 2 night PGL one next year.

DD didn't even sleep over at her grandaprents til she was gone 3y - which for MN terms seemed quite late. But having been used to fairly regular (maybe once a month average) nights away from home she now feels very comforable to relax with her friends away from home at night.

Some interesting points.

I never went on a real residential thing till I was 12...with Guides and I was homesick...but better that at 12 than at 7.

I don't see why making them go through it younger is in any way beneficial!

Shanahan, IME, it is better for them to go through it younger, as homesickness at 7 or 8 is generally easier to fix - hug from friends, cake, and distract new fun thing to do and it's all gone. 12-15 yr olds tend to wallow and are also more likely to be embarassed about it. And fellow 7 yr olds will not be surprised about it, and will be sympathetic and try and help, 12 yr old peers may well snigger (not all of them, but in a group, there will always be some sniggerers). Homesick teenagers in particular are a nightmare, they get each other down, I had 5 x 15 yr olds all sobbing in their dorm in Switzerland, cos they all missed their boyfriends. Much easier with Brownies - 'feeling a bit sad, let's go and help Snowy Owl make tea', and it's all forgotten.

This is just from my experience running Brownie/Guide events, younger ones get homesick and it lasts 3 minutes then is forgotton about, older ones it lasts all day and beyond, and tends to be something they remember.

Obviously it's each person's individual choice, but just thought I'd respond to your point about it being better at 12 than 7.

D

Deliskis I'm hardly going to send a 6 or 7 year old away for the night because "kids might snigger when she's older and homesick"

I hope I have taught her not to give a bugger if other kids are less than sensitive!

I went on a Cub Camp at 8 yrs old, got homesick, and due to the leaders rather old fashioned male "don't be such a mardy, stop whinging you aren't going at home" attitude. I was put off being anywhere away from home except my Nana's house till I was nearly 16! I tried my 1st sleepover at a friends at 11, and after feeling homesick, not being able to sleep then really annoying my friends Dad by trying to wake him up with a cup of coffe at 6am then getting a royal rollocking from him who was understandibly very grumpy and half asleep. I gave up on the idea of ever being away from home. I missed out on yr 6 leavers residential at primary, skiinjg trips to france in secondary school and loads of stuff that could of made some really happy childhood memories. All because of some male chauvinist on a cub camp ...... HOWEVER it would never make me refuse a child the opportunity. I've posted this numerous times on here. Parents get too paranoid, you take the lead from your kids. If they're quite independent and don't fuss about being away from home, why not let them. As a responsible parent you're on standby if they're upset in the night and need collecting, but it's not a major issue if you have to. That doesn't give a reason to prevent them at least trying in the 1st case. Also yet again I can't stress the stupidity of parents trusting someone with their children for a few hours in the day, but not overnight. If you had concerns there'd be a reason why, and if you had ANY doubts whatsoever you wouldn't leave your children in their care at all full stop. It's one or the other. If you allow them to have daytime visits then night is no different. Abuse doesn't all of a sudden start to happen just because it's 11pm at night and they're asleep in their house. With regards to if it's just concerns about whether they could cope if they're upset or ill. They're adults presumably with children of their own, it's not like they completely clueless on looking after children at night. If your child has certain rare issues that occur at night. Inform the parents beforehand and tell them if it gets too hard to handle just phone to come and pick them up. It's not rocket science it's not a major disaster, and I personally think that it's not the child or the friends parenst thats really the issue half of the time. It's the parents themselves who are either too protective, worried that someone will actually look after them as well as their own parents which shouldn't even be an issue a whole pride, ego, and possesive responsibility thing I've seen all too often. They're still your child and as much as they may like, take a shine or be very affectionate to another adult, you're their Mum or Dad, and the person they'll have that emotional connection to no matter what happens. It's not going to disappear just cos another adults on the scnene. Relax a bit, and let them have a childhood. You have to stop and ask yourself, if you're letting them be around an adult for any length of period, then you must trust that person. If you have doubts about ANY parent then why do you let them within 100foot of your child ever. If you have half trust and allow half respnsibility you're not a very responsible parent! (this post is my generic opinion to anyone who is a parent, no one in particular)