Sleepovers

[lifeinagoldfishbowl]

Yes a thread about another thread but I was sad/uneasy to hear that people don't send their children on sleepovers due to the possibility of a man being in the house

So

1. Do you allow your children to go on sleepovers?

1. Who does the most care/entertaining of children on the sleepover - you or dh/dp?

1. What does your dh/dp think about children not being allowed to come on a sleepover at your family home - due to him being there?

a) yes.

b) depends on which children - DH did a lot for DS's birthday sleepover, but normally sleepovers would be fewer children and of an age where we can largely leave to get on with it (one of us is always within earshot, though).

c) he'd be absolutely mortified.

But why would a child not be able to tell anothr mummy or daddy they feel sad or poorly? One of DD's came for a sleepover once - she'd stayed before, But that night she felt sad and a bit off colour. She was 5 or 6 IRR. She told me, I called her parents an DH drove her home - was about 10 o'cloc at night when she woke up. Was no problem at all.

my dd wouldnt open up to anyone else. she doesnt even with her dad or teachers if she is hurt or unwell. she simply waits untill she sees me and becomes upset. even if hurt she will not cry in anyone elses care, other than maybe my sis.

Im finding it an insult to men, to assume they are the only possibly risk for a sleepover.
Women, mothers, aunties, sisters, grandmas, can be dangerous too

our kids (boys and girls) have been on sleepovers from about 6.
We have only hosted s/overs for boys though as DH is uncomfortable with girls sleeping over.

tomhardyismydh - in that case, i agree. Your child is not yet ready to go on sleepovers and maybe even playdates. I would work on the spcial aspets of her development to sow her that there are ways that she can let others know when she needs help or support - es important for school - and as she gets older then maybe it will become possible, maybe not.

but for many children this is not a problem IME.

that aside i wouldnt let dd sleep over or have play dates with anyone i didnt know.

Hulababy
But why would a child not be able to tell anothr mummy or daddy they feel sad or poorly?

Because they are shy, because they are embarrassed or they might but be put of by other parents dismissing their concerns when people who knew them better would take it on board, had that happen at school, or be misunderstood.

When we declined a sleep over friend admitted they had had problems with the first one they had done - DC got upset and they tried to ring parents who failed to answer or turn up till next morning. They were left with two distressed DC - their and someone else's.

We declined due to DC personality plus the problems with siblings it would create at the moment. We have also promised first sleep over to GPs. I would hate to think we were insinuating we thought they were untrustworthy or male family members were unsafe. We would just like DC to be older and more familiar with them first so minimize any problems.

wotnochocs do you tell people that the reason you don't have girls to stay is because your husband is uncomfortable? what is there reaction? :)

I am not keen on the idea of sleepovers & haven't done the sleepover thing yet, but my eldest is only 6. It's not just a problem with the man in the house, but the fact that I don't know who else will be about. My views are coloured by the experiences of a friend who at 12 went for a sleepover at a house with people her parents trusted totally & was abused. Not by the parents- they did not know & would have been horrified. However their daughter had a mid-teens son who also had a friend over for a sleepover & in the night my friend was assaulted by this boy. She was too mortified & distressed to tell her friends parents & didn't even tell her own parents for some time. This sort of senario would be much less likely to occur during a daytime visit when the adults were about and that is what makes the difference to me between day visits (which I am fine about) and sleepovers (which I am uneasy about)

The sad thing about the other thread is that the children are 11, not 4 or 5.

ahh - I was 9 before I went on one with a crowd of girls as part of birthday treat for DD of host family and I had been away with family and school before. Our eldest is only 5 so by 11 it would be different situation I believe. Though I can never see me being wildly enthusiastic about having them of sending DC on them.

I had my nephews to stay aged about 6 nd 4. My dsis had impressed upon them that they could call ANY time. The younger one had a mini - homesickness crisis in the middle of the night. I dealt with it, lots of cuddles etc. He was fine.

Should I have called my sister and got her to drive 40 miles at 2am? Or should she trust me, as another adult, to sort the situation?

How bizarre. My DH would be beyond mortified to think that people wouldn't want their girl children coming to stay at our house in case he was a kiddy fiddler.
TBH, DD doesn't really have sleepovers because she is such a ratbag the day after due to tiredness.
Those that she has had have always been when DH is away. It is difficult for us, DH is a teacher at her school, so often the friends have siblings that he teaches. Is it appropriate to see your brothers form teacher in a pair of ancient underpants?

at kreecher. Yes I think seeing your teacher in old underpants could be very traumatic.

I truly fail to see why people keep saying it's "sad"...why? what is sad about being careful with what is the most precious person ever?

I don't over protect..my DD goes off to Gymnastics without me...she goe to school and loves it, has friends with whom she has playdates or trips out...why is it "sad" that I am careful? Better safe than sorry.

A) Yes
B) Both equally. Plenty to do between food preparation and entertaining!
C) He would be offended.

I'm sure most mums could cope and be able to manage a crisis with someone elses children on a sleepover

Yes but can most children manage? No.

Well I think most children, if given the chance can

shanahans, admitedly we don't like in the UK so our perceptions of life in England are slightly skewed, but. I do think that people see stranger danger everywhere. Even the most innocent pastime/person/situation seems to be extremely hazardous and this seems to apply to children the most.
I appreciate that we are in a different position to most people in asmuch as we live abroad and DH is a teacher, therefore CRB checked and trustworthy, but, another but, I have never suspected any of my DD's friends dads of being anything other than caring fathers. I will agree that some are different to us and have peculiar hobbies, but people are people and unless we have been exceptioanlly lucky we've never had a problem.
Now, who wants a 9.6 YO girl overnight

Shanahans, but the implication here is that most DH's are paedophiles, or that other mother's cannot be trusted for nefarious reasons.

Kreecher, you can send her to me, as long as you return the favour.