to be frothing at the mouth re: DH and Christmas?

[gapbear]

We're going to my parents a few days before Christmas, and travelling to his mum's on Christmas Eve. I arranged this with his mum a month or so ago, as she likes to know in advance to organise her own Christmas (visiting family and friends) around it. DH has a history of not organising anything, so I cut out the middleman (so to speak!), made plans with her, then told him.

It turns out that two weeks ago, he arranged to go to his dad's for Christmas day. I have just found this out after asking him to ring his mum back re: presents, and to let him know that his aunt and uncle would be there on Christmas day to. He said, "well we won't be there, I've arranged to be at my dad's." I pointed out that we can't use his mum's to stay at Christmas Eve, then bugger off to his dad's - we agreed we would go there. He says it's her fault because she didn't ring him, and his dad's fault because he should have mentioned it to his mum.

I'm not actually BU to be frothing at the mouth over his attitude, am I?

You both made plans without telling the other? Sounds like you're both in the wrong here. Wouldn't blame the parents.

I can see where you're coming from but to be honest he didn't know you had made these arrangements with his mum, because as you said yourself you " cut out the middleman" So whilst exremely annoying that he suddenly got all organised and arranged something behind your back he wasn't to know that you had done the same.

If he made arrangement 2 weeks ago and didnt tell you then his is in the wrong as you only made your arrangements on the (reasonable) assumption that you were free to do that, as he hadnt said anything!

Can you do half and half? Xmas Eve morning and lunch with his mum then afternoon and tea with his Dad?

Or stay at home and cut out the problem altogether!

You are both to blame - surely neither can make arrangements for the other without checking with the other first.

However if you always make the arrangements and he doesn't even keep a diary (like my DH) then perhaps YABNU.

He did know. I told him that same day I spoke to his mum. He made the plans in full knowledge we'll be at his mum's. He treats her house like a hotel, don't know why I'm surprised...

Hang on, OP says she made the plans a month ago and then told him

Then he's gone and made additional plans; is that right?

If that's the case then I don't think the OP is being unreasonable at all

ooops, x-posted :)

You're right, I didn't tell him before I rang her, but I'm sick of his constant procrastinating, and thinking it doesn't matter if it's all left till the last minute. His parents have a life too, and it's not fair to not let them know what's going on.

Oh well, his parents know what he's like. I think I'm more annoyed this time due to being ill and having a shorter impatience threshold. I keep hoping that one day he will be able to make a decision, and let all affected parties know...

Ah ok, DH is definitely being unreasonable then. Sorry for misunderstanding.

This is probably rescuable though. Do FIL and MIL get on well?

also, he only mentioned his plans to you because you brought up the Christmas day plans you'd already discussed with him?

YADefinitelyNBU

I'm thinking 'rescuable' in terms of having lunchtime meal with MIL perhaps and dinnertime meal with FIL. Would that work? Awful lot of food (and visions of The Vicar Of Dibley Christmas special coming into my mind) but would keep everyone happy.

I think TaintedSnow, that will be the case. They live quite close to each other (but DH doesn't drive so that will have to be me :(). Well, it's down to DH to ring his mum now, I suppose. I'm hoping for a Boxing Day compromise. I love going to FIL's, as he always gets the cava in

Well now we're not speaking, because I've ruined all his plans. FIL is refusing to shift to Boxing Day, MIL has invited extended family on Christmas Day. DH wants to go to FIL, I frankly couldn't care less, but feel since the arrangements were made with MIL in first place and ahe has invited elderly relatives, we should probably go there.

DH claimed he didn't know about original set-up, until reminded we had a row off the back of it. Now it's my fault because I didn't write it down. FFS, surely even the most moronic of morons would remember where they are for Christmas?

Sorry, needed to vent. Am very very cross.

Well I do think you should honour the original plans, which in this case does mean MIL.

What does FIL mean by 'refusing to shift'? Surely he can't imagine he can stamp his feet and that will mean he wins? What was the exact plan for his house?

Although to be fair, it's not really FIL's fault either. It's your DH's. Someone will be upset I guess. :(

No way you can split the day then?

Yup, all sorted now. No, it wasn't FIL's fault, and I have just discovered the reason he was refusing to move to Boxing Day was because we have never spent Christmas Eve night at theirs.

So - Christmas Eve night at FIL, to MIL for lunch, Christmas Day night at MIL, FIL for Boxing Day lunch.

Blimey.

Thanks all for indulging me!

Yay! I'm glad you solved it! :)