To report the parents on the other side of the wall

[SteelMagnolia]

We share a wall with a family I haven't met. The entrance to their house enters on a gated mews, while ours opens onto the street. For at least nine months, we have heard crying babies on the other side of the wall. We have a one year old, and of course, he cries sometimes. But these babies...I think there are two...cry ALL the time. It just doesn't seem right. I'm listening to it now.

I feel like I should report this. Possibly these children are neglected, or perhaps the parents just cannot cope? Our experienced nanny also finds it odd how often, and for how long, these babies cry.

Would I be unreasonable to report this? If not, who do I call? And will they even do anything, given that I've never even laid eyes on these people?

Would your nanny be up for going around there - saying that she's heard the children playing and wondered if they would like to all do something together as it it would be nice for the kids to get to know each other or that she gets a bit lonely somedays and would like some company occasionally...

Just seen and read this.... do tell. :)

We have just moved and my baby cries A lot :(.
She is teething and miserable and is just a baby who cries.

What a good idea Chipping

I think it would be very awkward to go round to the neighbours (even without the gated mews) to introduce yourself and ask about their babies crying all the time...just think how it would sound!

I would report what you have heard though OP. If something unpleasant IS going on it would be terrible to ignore it. A little girl was starved to death in the UK despite people hearing her crying and coughing (the family lived above a pub) for months and months - nobody said anything. I say interfere, more people should!

Yes, of course it would be akward to go around and ask why the babies are crying all the time - but the Op isn't going to do that is she? She (or her nanny) are going to go around and say Hi - introuduce themselves - get to know them a bit.

People do need to look out for kids - that's a given - however, ringing the authorities should come after seeing what you can do to help. Not calling them when they hear a crying baby.

If you actually spend time with them you will see if they are just the kind of kid that cries a lot for no particular reason of if they are generally happy little things and something else must be making them cry.

ChippingIn - so how likely is it that the OP or the nanny will get to know the neighbour? I really don't think people are going to open their door to some random person knocking wanting to get to know you!

And I think it's very odd for babies to cry all the time for nine months. Mine certainly don't, when they cry I pick them up, soothe them, do what it takes to calm them down.

Next door's two ish year old grand-daughter cries at half six every morning. We then hear the grandparents coo and make other soothing noises very loudly.

Only once have we resorted to banging on the wall - when the grandparents were being ridiculously loud, rediculously early.

(also heard the grandmother through the wall once on the phone, heard every word of her giving directions to someone over the phone - so also used the foot to wall method of letting them know they are too loud!)

I think she's just a cry-y little girl.

Not sure wht the setup is but she seems to stay there about five nights from seven, guessing her parents work funny shifts.

OP please don't listen to MarianneM's advicee.Sorry if that sounds rude but what if your neighbour is a single mother with teething children and she's not coping?It seriously would send her over the edge.

Advice I mean

Google Earth and StreetView will give you the number of their house.

You have babies of a similar age (presumably). Conversation could o like this:

Hi, my name is SteelMAgnolia and I live in the property just behind yours. Sarah, who works in the local shop, told me that you have children of a similar age to mine. I was wondering if you had been to any baby groups or anything? Because I have a nanny, I feel like I've missed out on meeting other mums, so I was wondering if you'd be up for taking me under your wing a little bit?

etc.

Marianne - just because you wouldn't invite them in doesn't mean no one else would. I would and most of my friends/family would. We are all friendly with our neighbours - not in your face friendly, but friendly. You should give it a go sometime - you wont combust if someone you haven't CRB'd and known for 40 years crosses your door.

ridiculoulsy not rediculously!

Of course she'd let you in... surely? I certainly would. I'd be a bit embarrassed about the mess, but I'd get over it.

I would ring the NSPCC for advice... This does not sound right. Let us know what happens, I feel worried for those kids now...

They might have two babies, who cry at different times, so you feel like you can always hear a baby crying. I don't think you can ring SS and say 'my neighbours baby cries a lot'. Some babies do cry a lot. As has been said, the baby may have colic, be teething, cry when it is tired etc.

Agree that the way to go is to try getting to know them a bit.

What is the latest, OP ?
Do you still suspect neglect ?

Maybe they have 8 or so babies.

When I au paired the baby I looked after just would not stop crying. We were certainly not abusing or neglecting her! (I suspect it was a reflux related thing, she used to throw up constantly) Her mother and I used to do everything we could think of to quiet her but nothing worked, until she finally wore herself out and fell asleep. It was extremely tiring for me and I didn't even have to get up in the night with her. This poor family have two like this, or as someone else suggested, two who take it in turns. Must be a nightmare! Of course they could be abusive but that's a pretty big thing to accuse someone of without even seeing them.

Hope you did go round in the end OP.

@ Loopyloops. Maybe you live next door to Octomom OP!

Might "just" be triplets, Loopy. My friend's trips seem to be constantly crying, but it's more often nowadays (aged 2.5) that they are trying to shout the loudest to get the most attention. As babies, they just cried.

Just an alternative idea to muffins / post...
If you can work out how to get to the door, you could say you're planning to get some work done on the house/have a noisy party and you just wanted to prewarn them? That wouldn't seem suspicious but you might need to spend the following week banging hammers....

I haven't read most of this thread but if you're trying to contact them, now is the perfect time.

In about 2 weeks time, put a nice Christmas card in the letter box and include a family photo (lots of people do this anyway). Include a note saying we have children the same age, want to have coffee etc.

I think speak to a HV- they will know the family.

My first child screamed almost solidly for 14 months though- my next door neighbour moved out ... just as she grew out of it.

Nothing calmed her or soothed her- she had reflux, colic, teething troubles, couldn't sleep for months... you name it- DH and I were on our knees. She just hated being a baby, and was an adorable toddler.

I think you are being really unpleasantly unreasonable. Why jump to the conclusion these are bad parents and report them when you haven't even met them? One of my two had reflux and screamed all day and all night for two years. We had a prissy new next door neighbour who kept popping by to borrow sugar because she thought I was torturing my child. In fact I was constantly battling with the hospital to recognise his illness and treat him with proper medication. To be judged by her when I was trying so hard to make him well and happy was horrible and I still get annoyed just thinking of her smug, ignorant face.