to wonder who on earth actually thinks the ideal family is one boy then one girl two years later???

[walkertexasranger]

I have only ever seen this kind of family mentioned as the 'ideal' family on Mumsnet. Never, ever, ever heard of it anywhere else.

What's that all about then? Has anyone else heard of this mythical ideal family type? And why does it have to be two years

Where has this come from? What's so aspirational about it, does anyone know? It freaks me the fuck out because it seems so obviously designed to create a couple of mini-mes given that most men are older than their wives.

Has anyone ever heard of this in RL or is it another MN only thing?

No, I totally see what Darlene means and I think she's quite right.

You clearly don't get feminism either aphra.

This is why I stay out of the feminism forum. I'm afraid of people dictating to me what feminism 'is'.

I had a DS and then a DD 2.5 years later.

I have a cornflake family! It's ideal for me, as any combination would have been....

It's what I have too, and yes it's the ideal... two healthy happy children (who constantly bicker as too close in age and have nothing in common as different genders)!!

i have never heard of this, either on MN or in RL

walker- I am a feminist! It is because I am a feminist that I think having boys older than girls gives us the opportunity to contradict gender stereotypes.

The was because of you saying you always wanted one of each plus a "spare." A spare? FFS, you should be lucky you have children no matter what sex they are. A "spare," dear god.

Then saying you feel sorry for people who have one "set." Again FFS! You describe children like they are objects with your spares and your sets! People who have 2/3/4 children that are all boys or all girls are probably very happy with having one gender.

I have one of each, although i don't have a spare yet i don't feel the need to feel sorry for people with one "set." How patronising and smug would that be? Very!

When my DS was born 2 years after my DD, my dad said, well its almost a perfect family, just you had the girl first...

He has a younger sister, and his 2 aunts also had boy followed by girl.

I said I was deeply offended as I am his oldest child (and female) and how dare he say that....

walker wtf, is this some kind of 'i get feminism' competition?

[said as someone who is a feminist, understands feminism and understands that making disparaging remarks to another woman because their feminist beliefs don't align with yours does jack shit for feminism]

I'd slap any fucker who started talking about some kind of optimal family to be honest - I'd slap them with one of my husband's socks (aka weapons of mass destruction) about the face repeatedly on the behalf of any of those who'd settle for ANY healthy kids - no matter what gender, hair colour or any other thing people fret about.

I have recently decided that 2yrs is a foolish gap, since you then have a tantrumming toddler and a tiny baby at the same time.

However, I am also generically with everyone else on screw ideal.

I think that the 2 year gap is a biological thing in that as long as you have conceived by the time your 1st DC is 15 months old you're ok. If you leave it til he/she is older then you're much less likely to feel like doubling your brood - tantrums, willful behaviour, etc. I'm not sure we'd have got past 1 child if we'd waited til DD was 16 months old to try for her sibling ( we have a 20 month gap).

I have a 15 month gap

Well I have a ds 3-1/2 years older than a dd. GP's were ecstatic because we were then the perfect family; I am delighted because I couldn't imagine not having dd.

However, ds 2 was born 51 weeks before dd and for three days we had two ds's. I would have been very happy with two boys and the odd comment from those who don't know about how lucky we are to have the perfect combination still hurts - very, very much.