to be slightly ticked off at my husband?

[LittleAmy]

Ok some brief background:

I'm a full time SAHM.
My DD is 4 months.
I have PND.
I EBF so am never apart from DD which regularly drives me crazy.
I spend most of my time in our tiny flat alone with DD. I find this lonley and depressing.

DH is aware of all of the above.

I found out an hour ago by text that DH will be late home this evening. He's "going to have a pint with the guys". Then 30 minutes later I got another text: "talking about jobs so may run a little later than expected".

Part of my depression is clock-watching. I normally know that DH will step through the door at 6.30pm and I can finally share the childcare (He leaves at 7.30am). I find looking after DD and EBFing exhausting.

I can't help but feel offended and resentful when I receive texts like this and at such short notice. DH goes to the pub once a week on a Sunday night and also visits his friend once a week. I never go out (apart from a weekly baby group). I'd love to go out for an evening but I'm EBF. I feel that DH is being insensitive. He's effectively 'extended my shift' by a few hours (and it was already an 11 hour shift).

AIBU to feel this way? I haven't texted back although I've been tempted to let loose and rip him a new one.

Well, under noraml circumstances, I would say YWBU. But yours aren't normal circs. You've been struggling.
So, no, YANBU. I'm assuming you would not have done the same to him. If you'd been out for that length of time, you'd have hurried back to help and give him a break.

I sympathise. Hugs.

leave it. but make sure you get that baby-free time! with your phone turned off

it has to work both ways doesn't it?

have you seen your GP again?

Have been in exactly the same situation myself. If your DP is anything like mine then it's more inconsiderate, not done to hurt you. As much as you feel like it, texting him abuse will make him go into his cave and less likely to understand. I'd wait till he got in and gently explain. Obviously this is assuming he's easier to talk to than my bloke!
As for your PND, I hope you're getting support?? I promise it does get better xx

Yabu

I would resent dh if he moaned at me over an hour or so of free time after I had been at work a long day.

Why can't you go out to have a few hours to yourself? I understand you are ebf.

"Why can't you go out to have a few hours to yourself?"

because I can't express much.

are you absolutely dead set against giving any formula at all?
i know you said you want to continue ebf, which is great, but one bottle to give you a break really won't hurt either your supply or her

Could you feed her then go out and be back for when she is next due? Just express what you can and leave it just in case.

He should obviously have come home and taken care of you. My dh didn't understand at that stage either, tho to be fair he stayed late at work not pub. But it was all too stressful, no woods for trees, etc. In retrospect he realizes needed to be much more supportive. Hope very much you're able to keep talking and sort this out.

I don't think you do understand she is ebf if you make a comment like that...what do you expect her to do, leave her boobs at home? or just let her baby do without food for a couple of hours? not everyone wants to express milk or can in fact! I couldn't do it!
You do need to speak to your partner about your PND and what it means to you to have him home, he has to understand that it wont last forever and may seem unreasonable at the moment but will help towards your recovery.

I am going through the same thing my daughter is 7 months old and I am still being visited by health visitors and the peri-natal team. It can be a long road but one day you will feel better and one day you will wonder why you felt so awful in the first place :) Take care of yourself!

Zeemummy, I understand perfectly well what ebf is. I have personal and professional experience so save your patronising comments for someone else.

get some bottles and some cow and gate, then at least your DH can help with the feeding and you can have a break

I agree with ENormaSnob, if you can possibly express it will make all the difference. I am EBF at the moment and thanks to my fab breast pump I can leave my son with DH and have a few hours to myself which has saved my sanity.

Oh sorry, just read that you can't express much. That doesn't help then.

well done for ebf for 4 months.

my dr used to say that baby and i were a unit. i had to look after my part of the unit as well as the baby part. she took one look at me and told me to give dd a bottle of formula for the sake of my health and also baby's too.

i cried cos i wanted to ebf but once over the disappointment it worked really well and gave me a bit of a break. i carried on feeding dd til she was 13m. do you think it would help you to try formula? it would help in the night too cos dp would have no excuse for not doing night feeds

can sympathise with the feeling trapped thing. dps don't really understand what it feels like, cos they don't do it day in day out.

hope things get better soon

Poor you, I have been there, I remember some evenings DH would phone to say he was half an hour late because of work and I would burst into tears.

He has no idea what it is like. No one does unless they have done it. Try to wait until you are feeling less angry, and then explain clearly how trapped you can feel after looking after a baby all day, with no one else to help for even five minutes. Then explain that him how phoning to say he was going to be late just when you were looking forward to sharing the childcare at last made you feel.

I would encourage you to get out- if you can go to a mum and baby or toddlers group it really does make a difference. It is really, really, hard at first, but not as hard as staying in when you feel as you do.

I understand other people say that you can give a bottle, but my DD would not accept bottles so maybe you have the same issue with your DD? If there is a time she usually has a reasonably long nap, you could feed her beforehand and then go out shopping and leave her with DH tomorrow. Take you mobile and be reasonably close by so that you know if DD needs fed he will phone you and you can come home, that way you can relax and know that if she does need you, you can be there (I was far too anxious to leave DS even though I was sick of being with him 24/7, so I can understand how you must feel.

You have all my sympathy, DS is 3 now and a gorgeous boy, this stage doesn't last for ever but when you are going through it it is awful.

How often does she feed? Around this time they get much more regular, quicker and can go for longer periods. Could you feed at 7, meet a friend for a quick drink and be back to feed before she goes to bed.

Otherwise, why not go to a friend's house for the evening and take her with you? No reason why you have to be stuck indoors all day either.

Under normal circs, YABU but I think you need to concentrate on what you want, not what your DH does. I hope it gets better got you soon.

I know that hugs are not the done thing on MN but I'm not a regular so I don't care, and it sounds as if you need one ((hug))

YANBU to be annoyed with your dh. You're ill, and you need him to give you some respite at the end of the day.

IMO it's unhelpful of other posters to suggest you give formula if that's not what you want to do - and presumably you've considered it, and have made the decision not to use it. Is possible to have a break as an ebf mother though, and it's also possible to do things for yourself with baby in tow. You are important too!

LittleAmy could you perhaps express even a tiny bit each day and save it up to buy yourself a few hours off per week? I found it difficult to express much, but that if I could manage even 1.5-3 oz per day (usually 1st thing in the morning off the right boob while babe was on the left) over the course of 3 or 4 days I could get enough together for one or two bottle feeds so I could get out a bit

BM is great as it keeps for AGES in the fridge, so you can add small amounts together to make a good feed.

I notice that you are spending most of your time in your flat. Is there a reason for this beyond the depression? I find that being indoors for long periods is depressing in itself on top of PND and everything else on your plate.

Have you tried to get out and about with DD much? I can understand not wanting to leave her alone too long at this age but there's plenty you can do and see together outside in terms of parks, shops, museums, cafes etc.. It's really worth making the effort.

I EBF'd with DD (now 21 months) and took her with me to most places for the first six months, just tucking her under my coat or scarf to feed.

I would have been extremely miserable if I hadn't spent the vast majority of my maternity leave out of the house. Having a good baby carrier is a life-saver and spending a few hours walking can help adjust mental perspective in a positive direction.

Hope things get better soon.

YANBU.
PLease try to find more baby groups. Theses were my saviour when I had my first.

no.

Yes