to feel that ds is being cruelly excluded?

[AttillaTheHan]

Ds (6) has been going to a local under 7's football club for about 6 weeks now. Most of the boys that go are from his class at school. We have been paying the subs like everyone else. All the other lads there have club football tops and are registered to play.

Last week dh asks the coach when ds will be registered and get his top etc, coach says "he's not ready to play for team so I won't be registering him yet". Another lad who joined at the same time has been registered. So ds is the only lad at training who doesn't have a club top and isnt registered.

This week the coach has all the parents in a huddle when I arrive to collect ds from training, talking about the christmas do. He hands all the parents a letter apart from me On the way home ds asks why I havent got a letter about the Christmas do, all of his friends are going...

I have looked at taking him to other more inclusive clubs but DS really loves playing football with his friends and is getting better the more he goes. He would be really unhappy about leaving this club.

I am going to speak to the coach (a 19 year old who has no idea about what 6 and 7 year olds need).

AIBU to feel that this is isn't fair?

He is a real knob isn't he. I hope the place you take your son to tomorrow is more inclusive.

I'd complain higher, particularly as you've been paying every week. That is just wrong,the way he is behaving.

You don't get this with Rugby do you ?

Does seem weird that it is a football thing. You can be absolutely rubbish at rugby but you are still allowed to train. You won't get a slot in the A team but that makes no difference.

Unless your ds was the last one to start and places were simply full I would complain long and loud. I am sure your local paper would be interested in your story.

Just showed this to DP who is a Rugby coach and he is horrified at it. They have approx 26 kids in their age group- not one is left out. there are some quite clearly much better than others, but all are treated equally and the Xmas party thing would just never happen.

If the coach is only 19yrs is there anyone you can go to -above him -to have a word? It shouldn't happen and I feel so sad for your DS.

Coach is an idiot. Poor kid. Clubs like this are supposed to be fun. 99.99% of kids who play football will never be professional, even if they are good. It's about having fun imo and should be fully inclusive. Take it higher if you can. No kid should be singled out.

We had this kind of nonsense with the local football club. The coach kept telling us that he'd bring the forms next week, or would drop them off at our house etc. By about Christmas it was obviously not going to happen, but we continued with the Friday night training (and paid each week) for a whole season. At the end of the season we were told that they really wanted him in the team next year, and he would be invited to pre-season tournaments and summer training. Here we are in November, and it still hasn't happened. Luckily, DS is now in the school team, (ahead of some of the boys in the club team), but it has put me off the whole football experience.

I think the problem is down to coaches who want to win at all costs, the league rules which allow them to register only a certain number of players, and the fact that it is a team sport, and if you've got a team that is doing well, you don't change it.

I wonder if the issue is the fact that there appears to be a limit on the numbers that can be registered according to league rules?

Afaik rugby doesn't have these rules. There are 35 in ds's age group and there are 7 in a team. All the boys and girls have equal opportunity to play for a team, the level depends on their ability.

MollieO - but that's what happened with Op's son. he is allowed to train but is not registered to play in matches with the team. Guess there has to be more divisions then for kids who can't make the a teams - sport should be inclusive and should cater for al levels.

My husband was reading up on this and one study showed statistically most top players were the oldest in their year. Suppose it might make sense. Some older boys will be bigger, faster stronger as they are up to a year older than some of their team mates. These younger (smaller) boys might get overlooked and discouraged. If there is anything in this - these coaches could be missing a whole lot of emerging talent. Same goes for the boys who get into football a bit later like my son - most of the other boys had been playing for years and already made their mark so it could have been easy for him to slink away discouraged. Lucky for him as they had lots of new players come along they decided to start a B team which was great for these less experiences boys. They aren't very good yet but at least they gat a chance to play at their own speed.

Does seem madness. Ds is one of the youngest ones and last year had the attention span of a gnat. If he had been treated like the OP's ds he wouldn't have gone back for a second year. This year his concentration is better, his ability is about the same but he loves training. I hope one day he will win player of the week (they are supposed to rotate it through the year but some have won it a number of times). Either way he is happy to go and the coaches are happy that he is there.

Thank heavens ds doesn't like football. No idea on numbers but I wonder if football is generally more popular than rugby, hence the ridiculously competitive element?