going to work when you have preschool age children is a cop out if you are just doing it because you dont want to be at home?

[onc]

There have been lots of times that I have thought about returning to work but I feel that doing so mainly or just because I'm not enjoying being home, have PND etc is a cop out?

Thoughts?

"I'm really just wondering for my own family not judging yours. "

I don't believe that for a minute. Based on this that you also stated:

"DH works to provide for us, I could never earn what he does - non - issue"

You, my dear, need a hobby. Perhaps cooking? You seem to like stirring...

Oh I LOVE threads like this..... let's all bash those shite cop out mums, or re-define the words "want" and "need"....

my first ever

But you are still a person in your own right, you are entitled to have a life. It's not a bad thing to do something for yourself, there are no bad mummy police waiting to get you. If it's something you really would like to do, then look into it. Many many many other women manage to do it and their children are happy and well-adjusted.

"i shouldbe enjoying my little one" There is no should about it. You either do or you don't. And you can still enjoy being with your LO all the time you aren't at work.

do you think you would feel happier if you had some kind of work or mental stimulation? Perhaps you do need to find stuff which takes you away from the house?

Doesn't have to be work out of the home, perhaps charity work or getting involved in some kind of community work.

Maybe Put your DC into some kind of childcare for one or twqo days a week to get some space?

"aren't DC almsot always better off with a parent at home?"

Even Oliver James (as pro-SAHM as you can get) says that if a mother is unhappy at home, everyone including the dcs is better off if she goes out to work.

I think you're either stirring or have PND and therefore need help and support.

As I'm not sure which I'm bowing out.

and now the backtracking begins, with a backhanded swat at SAHMs as well....

"I would like to use my brain. I would like not to be a skivvy ie cleaner, cook, nurse, taxi etc"

Wow... you are on a roll today....

And as a mum you shouldn't be doing things for 'you'?

You'll end up miserable thinking like that. Because one day your children will grow up and you won't know what to do with yourself. It's your life too.

I'm actually prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt as you do sound depressed.

could one day childcare to give you a break be the solution?

Well you have put it better in your subsequent post onc.

You are not a bad mother forwanting to go back to work - even if you earn peanuts.

" I'd be doing for me when i shouldbe enjoying my little one."

Just because you are a mother, you should not stop doing things just for you. It is not selfish. It can be a paid job but it can just as easily be other interests, hobbies, or further education. It's very beneficial both for you as a person to keep developing and also for your DC(s) to understand that Mum is not only their mother but a person in her own right - a role model.

Can you define what you mean by "cop out".

Whether one parent or both parents should be working outside the home when the children are small is a balance of all sorts of factors and how those factors work for that family -- short-term and long-term finances, the happiness of each parent, the happiness of the children, availability of quality childcare and probably half-a-dozen others.

I don't think that anyone who has carefully weighed up those factors and reached a considered decision is "copping out", whether that decision is to work outside the home or to stop doing paid work for a period.

But I do find it interesting that you find a decision made after consideration of the happiness of the mother "copping out" (except in extreme cases) whereas a decision made largely on the basis of any other combination of factors is not copping out. Is there a particular reason that the mother's happiness should always rank at the bottom of the whole family's list of priorities?

Went back to work when youngest was 5 months ...yes we could have financially managed for me to stay at home but I like having my own money (we don't share money - different thread though)..I went back to work because I love my job, earnt good PT money and I don't particularly enjoy looking after young kids full time

*Getorfmoiland" is my new spokesperson - may I quote you?!

well that bolding didn't work!

it's just too simplistic to look at it one way or the other. Every family's situation is unique and so is their support system.
I know mothers who work who have two grandmothers within walking distance.
I know mothers who work whose husbands work from home and can do the school run.
I know mothers who work who earn enough to pay for full time childcare.
Not everyone is in that position.
It's very hard to work if you don't have good, reliable fall back options particularly if you work far from home.
It's just too complicated to damn either side.
My sister has always had two grandmothers and a husband working locally and a job she could do part time. I had no relative for 60 miles. It makes a huge difference.
All these things add up to make work possible for women and there's a massive variety in our home situations.

good points longstocking

Op, I think you need a job.

onc I think you should get help for your depression before you think about going back to work.
When I had depression after DC1 I got a weekend job that I really enjoyed even though the pay was crap, and it helped me feel better, however when the shop closed I moved into a better paid evening job which I hated and ended up hating home and work.
Doing a job just to get you out of the house is not a good idea.

i work ft because i want to.because i am good at it and it fulfils me personally and vocationally.just because i had children doesn't mean i have to give up what i love doing.and no i dont solely want ti be at home.i happily chose nursery,had it booked at 12wk pg

and pnd is a recognised treatable illness,no one choses and it isnt a cop out either (whatever that actually means)

Only read the first few posts but the OP is asking if SHE is copping out - she is not attacking WOHMs. Please give her a break.
(And I speak as a WOHM since the DCs were a year each who loves working)

If you want to go to work - go to work.

If you want to stay at home - stay at home.

Your children wilol be fine either way. Just count yourself lucky that you have the choice!

sorry I think people are agreeing with that. First few posts seemed as though this was turning into a SAHM/WOHM bunfight.