going to work when you have preschool age children is a cop out if you are just doing it because you dont want to be at home?

[onc]

There have been lots of times that I have thought about returning to work but I feel that doing so mainly or just because I'm not enjoying being home, have PND etc is a cop out?

Thoughts?

I don't understand what you don't get. You don't sign on a dotted line when your children are born, that you will give up your entire life and sit and gaze at them all day every day. Assuming the children aren't being left in a box/tied on a lead outside the shopping centre/in the kennels then I don't see your problem. The vast majority of children are left with family or a vastly researched nursery or childminder.

For the record, I work PT, would love to be at home with DD full time but can't afford it. So you haven't hit a nerve, I just don't get what you don't get.

Oh dear some of you are touchy. I'm really just wondering for my own family not judging yours.

But it does make me wonder why people are getting upset and givingme [biscuits] etc unless I have hit on something?

"So really there is no reason for me to work unless I really could'nt stand it at home?"

But that isn't the case for all of us. Especially those who don't think becoming a parent requires us to wear a martyr's crown.

what?

Sounds like that is a situation that works for you and your children.

Mine is different, for example. I have been at home on and off for 7 years but I have kept my job open and can't wait to go back in Jan.

We don't need the money and I don't particularly like my career, but I am determined to give it a good go as I am desperate for my brain to be stimulated again.

I guess in your books I am copping out!

onc shouldn't you be talking to your children/polishing the doorstep/your halo or something instead of posting on here?

But it does make me wonder why people are getting upset and givingme [biscuits] etc unless I have hit on something

Oh get over yourself!!

Well I wish i'd gone back to work, I have a twelve year gap and will probably end up being grateful for a job in Tescos, nothing wrong with that except it's not what I want to do.

""Are you saying that if you are not up to the job let someone else do it?"

Absolutely!
Why would you put yourself or your children through it. If you enjoy staying at home and can afford to do so, great. However, if it makes you miserable it will be making them miserable too. So getting a job will be win-win. No?"

That is a total cop out, sorry but it is. Why would you let someone else raise your child for the reasons I have stated.

yes if you need the money
yes if it will be seriously detremntal to your career
yes if you absolutley cannot cope at home

So why didn't you title your thread,

'Unsure what to do but feel going back to work would be a cop-out. Thoughts please!'

That way, people would be clear that you were concerned about your own situation rather than making sweeping generalisations.

"So really there is no reason for me to work unless I really could'nt stand it at home?"

do you want to go to work? This is about you and only you right? You want advice about if you should go back to work? Yes?

"In this case aren't DC almsot always better off with a parent at home?"

ypur case, your specific case? Tell us about your children and why in this specific case they are better off with a parent at home then... Perhaps then someone can advise you properly...

onc does your partner work? If so have you asked him the 3 questions you have just asked us?

You're posting this as a general AIBU question to 'you' (i.e. us) ... not 'I'... so it looks as though you're saying anyone who gets a job because they find life at home with small children unpleasant/unfulfilling/boring is copping out. That will get you a flaming.

What you decide to do within your own family is your decision based on your own motivation and feelings. Be careful how you phrase AIBU questions in future.

"onc does your partner work? If so have you asked him the 3 questions you have just asked us?"

DH works to provide for us, I could never earn what he does - non - issue

Don't really get what you are driving at OP.
I work part-time (mornings) and my daughter goes to nursery for those few hours. As a family we could probably just manage financially if I didn't work at all (as by the time childcare is paid for I only take home around £350 a month). However, I choose to work because I enjoy doing so, I don't think my daughter is at any disadvantage by being in a nursery for a few hours a day (in fact I think she is thriving there) and I know that if I was to stay at home long term it would make returning to the workplace (to any sort of decent job anyway) more difficultin the future. I'm not copping out by any means - just doing what suits my family.

I decided to stay at home after working for a year because I found I was going crazy juggling work with children. So I stayed at home, to be honest I felt as though I was the one copping out.

I take my hat off to my sister and friends who work as well as raising a family. Surely going out to work is the opposite to copping out?

do you want to go back to work onc?

Not a non issue but a very pertinent question. Oh, is it because he's a man?

I have no idea what you are talking about or why my post was so shocking to you.

Yes, of course I think that if you are unhappy being a SAHM you should go back to work. Why is that so shocking or even controversial?
No point staying at home being miserable.

I really don't understand what your issue is.

Bit of a leading question - but just wanted to say that I work PT, and have done since my children were toddlers. My family as a whole benefit from the extra money; I enjoy my job, and my children definitely enjoy the extra one to one time with granny!

I don't have to work, and I consider myself very lucky that I can choose to with my very willing mum on hand to do the child care. If I didn't have her I wouldn't work, and we'd be ok. But we would definitely miss the money which allows us nice holidays and treats; I would miss my work time, and the children would miss out on being spoilt without me being there to interfere!

I think as long as everyone is happy with the situation, we should let all mums out there make their own choices; not bash them for working or not working - aren't there enough things to feel guilty about without adding anything else to the list?

"I could never earn what he does - non - issue" - well if you've always had the view that a woman should be strapped to the kitchen sink with children on apron strings while husband is earning the dosh then I'm not surprised TBH

is it about money then? I thought it was about wanting to go back to work?

Onc - come back when your child is a teenager and tell us whether staying at home has made a marked difference to their happiness.

Or whether they are bent double in their gratitude that you martyred yourself to stay at home with them.

As long as you are a loving parent, it makes no difference to your child whether you work full time, part time or not at all.

Reasons to stay at home or reasons to work differ f or each individual. What works for one person may not work at all for another.

What is NOT helpful is when people are judgemental twats about another mothers choice.

OK. It's about you and your situation.

Go back to work! If you need to for your own happiness, go back to work. Your DC will be fine. You are not supposed to immolate yourself on the altar of motherhood - you are supposed to bring up your children as well as you can. Your unhappiess is not a prerequisite. If you go completely round the bend with misery and boredom you won't be doing the best you can.

I probably didn't ask the right question in the title.

I feel that it my family it would be a cop out for me to return to work as I would earn very little.

Sometimes I would like to swap it for with DH. I would like to use my brain. I would like not to be a skivvy ie cleaner, cook, nurse, taxi etc

But I really think if i got a job i would be letting myself and my Dc down because I'd be doing for me when i shouldbe enjoying my little one.