The NCT ? Lentil Weaving and Judgemental?
I recently thought I?d do a wee bit of a fact finding experiment. I asked on a very popular parenting forum, with people on it from all over the UK, what their impressions of the NCT were. About 75% of the people who responded (over 100) had very negative associations. The NCT is unapproachable, middle class, judgemental, obsessive and expensive. However most people admitted that was either based on just 1 experience of the NCT in their area, or was actually just based on assumptions, however because that was the impression that they had, they never did make that first step.
That makes me really sad. I?ve been involved with the NCT for 6 and a half years. And almost all of that has been positive, good times. However, I can point back to a couple of times that I could have been scared off ? both ?first times? at things. My Mum has always said I?m fiercely determined (I don?t see it myself), but yes, on both those occasions, it was only my stubborn side that said ?No, I?m going to do this? that over-rode my fragile side that wanted to (and did) run and cry into a corner.
People join the NCT at a very vulnerable time in their lives. No-one should ever underestimate how vulnerable new parents are, even apparently the ?strongest?. No-one should ever underestimate just how much a few words, or a wrong glance, or a bad atmosphere can crush someone in those early days. And maybe yes, the stereotype of the NCT and the assumptions that are being made are stopping people coming before they even get started.
In 2007 the NCT rebranded itself, and adopted a new slogan ? ?Supporting You To Become The Parent You Want To Be?. I?m not normally a serious pedant but I?d like to pick that apart for a few minutes.
Support is what we are there to provide. The main thrusts of the NCTs work involve educating families either before birth or after birth, and supporting them through classes and helplines. The NCT campaigns and advocates for parents, for better maternity care and conducts clinical research. The NCT trains people to be teachers for Ante Natal Classes and Post Natal Discussions Groups and for Breastfeeding Counsellors. However the aim and the job of all these things must be to SUPPORT and not to lecture, to arm people with information that they want that will prepare them.
And we are there to support people to be the parent THEY want to be, not the parent WE think they should be, or the parent WE are, or the parent WE wanted ourselves to be but didn?t quite manage. One hurdle that new members often never get to is meeting long time members and discovering that many people have different experiences, all of which are valid, and welcome and, most importantly supported. Many people who haven?t had what they perceive to be the ?perfect NCT pregnancy and birth? won?t come to an event for fear of being judged, for fear of being tutted at, for fear of needing support and not getting it because no-one can empathise. The reality is that isn?t the case, but the perception is there and we need to be working actively to smash it. Mums and Dads need to feel as comfortable offloading about their emergency caesareans and bottle feeding their baby as they do about their home birth and their breastfeeding, or parents must be allowed to be secure in having made those choices. Our job is to support and to educate ? people can?t build a time machine and go back and change things, and feeling judged about doing something ?wrong? can be crippling. For many couples, the choices they have made are made from an informed standpoint ? our job is to make sure that the information is available, not to dictate what the end choices or the outcomes are.
The NCT is a fabulous organisation, doing a great deal of very good work with families and in clinical areas throughout the country ? its just such a shame that people?s perceptions can be so negative that they never make it to the support that we can give, or that people do come and don?t get the support they need sometimes.
If you are a new member, or a member who has stood in the sidelines, or someone who has never been involved because you felt you might not fit in, or you might be ?judged? for whatever reason, please take those first few steps, and please be assured that our aim is to support you, its not to judge or condemn or tutt, or tell you what you ?should have done?, and if you ever feel that someone isn?t being supportive, please let someone know ? either the person running the event you are attending, or anyone listed in the branch directory pages.
Bathsheba, Mummy to DD1, DD2 and DD3s (and breaking every NCT stereotype?)