To think this was a completely un-necessary comment

[Bathsheba]

(Now, how do I tell this story without it becoming a BF or FF debate....probably can't...)

We were waiting for DD2 to have her ballet class yesterdat - we spend the 40 mins waiting in a waiting area. DD3 was crawling around the floor happily and I had popped her bottle (all sealed..) down beside my stool after she had finished what she wanted.

A little boy of a similar age (10 months) was also crawling around the floor. I hadn't noticed that he had picked up DD3's bottle. He was playing with it - just shaking it and rolling it around (the top was on and it remained sealed at all times, he was NOT at any point drinking it)....his mum came over, she wasn't nasty or grabby at all about it but she did say, twice "Oh its not like he would even know what to do with a bottle..."

Now,to me that just seems like such a strange comment to make. I try and smile and chat to everyone at ballet but she only joined the class a few weeks ago and I can hand on heart say that this was the first thing she had ever said to me.

Now, I have 3 DDs and really an not put out by such a comment and I'm happy/resigned to the choices I've made, but she doesn't know that...

There just seems like such a HUGE range of inane conversations to make about babies..."How old is she/he", "she/he is gorgeous", "That cardi is lovely" or even a basic "what's his/her name"....If she had been sitting in the waiting room bf-ing and I had reason to make small talk I'm sure I could have come up with something as an opening other than "oh my DD wouldn;t have a clue what to do with norks..."

Probably mouths, not moths. Moths don't take to being taped up too kindly.

This is why I always describe myself as lazy for still bfing at 11mo (which I am, its a piece of piss now). I don't want anyone to think I'm being smug about still doing it, which I'm not.

My DS wouldn't have a clue what to do with a bottle, but the same goes for most liquid containing devices. Getting water into him is a nightmare.

Oh please. It sounds like a throw away comment. If you feel so comfortable with the fact that you are formula feeding, why so defensive? Who cares what anyone else says?

some people can get offended in an empty room

I don't think it was a throwaway comment. If it was, she sounds like a total knob-end.

you never know, she may have had a bad night and made a comment that meant nothing, perhaps because she was embarrassed at him playing with the bottle.

Really, i have no idea why you would get annoyed about it.

But Dolittlest why don't you think it was a throwaway comment? I was not smug about breastfeeding my DS, would have given anything for him to accept a bottle. I would have made that comment in a 'I wish he did know what to do with a bottle' kind of a way. I don't think I am a knob-end....well not a TOTAL knob-end anyway

Same here. DS didn't even want to try sippy cups- getting him to drink water was a nightmare.

I think women should be banned from using the word "smug" on flimsy to no evidence.

Seriously if you get offended so easily you should stay indoors. With the TV and radio off, and don't look in books, because the all contain other people, saying stuff. You clearly can't cope.

I'm really sorry SalFresco and BonniePrinceBilly to offend you (and others I have missed). I should not have put that.

I was trying to make a joke. Obviously not succeeding. Apologies again.

I tend to agree bonnieprincebilly. The amount of times I have read a mother refer to another mother as "smug" on Mumnet...

It seems to say more about their own insecurity or be an excuse to launch an attack on that mother when she was probably going about her everyday life passing no judgment on anyone.

I find it SUCH a minefield being a mother. You have to be so careful that whatever you say is not an implicit criticism of another's parenting, boastful etc etc. Why can't be just BE.

I meant "we just be". Obviously.

"Has she not even offered him water in a bottle by now?" Not everyone would do that balloonslayer I BF DD & I never once gave her water or anything for that matter in a bottle? Not because I feel strongly against bottles (far from it) but because it never once crossed my mind to do so. When she needed anything other than boob she had a cup.

BalloonSlayer 'A 10 month old who couldn't work out from watching other babies that a bottle goes in the mouth would possibly be missing a developmental milestone'. My DD wouldn't have known what to do with a bottle either. Must have a look through my baby books and find that 'developmental milestone' she missed

OP, I think you are being a touch sensitive - I don't think her comment was aimed at being smug or offending you, merely that she was trying to say her DS wasn't pinching your DD's milk.

Apology accepted BalloonSlayer, no probs.

Apols to you too Bunnyjo, my crassness filter needs rebooting today.

YABU to think she was having a dig at you with this comment.

I could see myself maybe saying something similar while thinking 'oh shit, I wasn't watching properly' and hoping to at least reassure that it would not have be sucked by my child.
In fact I remember saying something similar when my dd got hold of another child's dummy, Just whipped it off her quickly whilst saying she hadn't sucked it, she doesn't use one so probably wouldn't know how. My older 2 dc both used a dummy and I previously tried to get dd to take one but she wouldn't so I definitely did not mean it as a judgement comment.

Findingmymojo I offered my DCs juice - yes juice! - from a bottle as well as their breast feeds and none of them drank a drop. Until reading this thread I had no idea this was anything to do with being EBF - I assumed they didn't want anything.

it's nothing to do with being EBF, just you assumed all children must have had at least water offered in a bottle - which is an incorrect assumption.

No worries BalloonSlayer. To be honest, I would have been quite happy for DD to take an occasional bottle. But, after weeks and weeks of trying to bottle feed her my expressed milk with every teat and bottle known to man, I decided to give up for my own sanity and accept that DD was never, ever going to drink from a bottle. She wouldn't have a dummy either, must have been something about the texture of the teat that she hated.

When it came to drinking water while she was being weaned, she went straight onto a sippy cup.

Bathesheba I think you are being a bit over sensitive, I remember telling people that my DD2 had no idea what to do with a bottle, it wasn't that I was being smug about her being EBF, it was my exasparation that she wouldn't touch the damn thing not a drop....I think it was probably just a throw away remark maybe she was trying to strike up a conversation.

I find the other mums in the waiting area at DD1's ballet class quite intimidating I would love to strike up a conversation with them but am never v sure what to say.

apologies for spelling your name wrong Bathsheba

YABVU and absurdly oversensitive.

whoneedssleep - Hello, I'm DD's Mum, bloody cold isn't it - I wonder when we'll get the snow. Hello, I'm DD's Mum - boring waiting isn't it. Hello, I love your boots/coat/hat/... just think of them as other nice normal people - not judgemental MN'ers and you'll be fine!! Just do it

nothing to add to the debate (other than a case of small talk becoming open mouth insert foot), but I thought I recognised that article and discover I am in the city as you, Bathsheba, and a recently joined NCT member.