To think this was a completely un-necessary comment

[Bathsheba]

(Now, how do I tell this story without it becoming a BF or FF debate....probably can't...)

We were waiting for DD2 to have her ballet class yesterdat - we spend the 40 mins waiting in a waiting area. DD3 was crawling around the floor happily and I had popped her bottle (all sealed..) down beside my stool after she had finished what she wanted.

A little boy of a similar age (10 months) was also crawling around the floor. I hadn't noticed that he had picked up DD3's bottle. He was playing with it - just shaking it and rolling it around (the top was on and it remained sealed at all times, he was NOT at any point drinking it)....his mum came over, she wasn't nasty or grabby at all about it but she did say, twice "Oh its not like he would even know what to do with a bottle..."

Now,to me that just seems like such a strange comment to make. I try and smile and chat to everyone at ballet but she only joined the class a few weeks ago and I can hand on heart say that this was the first thing she had ever said to me.

Now, I have 3 DDs and really an not put out by such a comment and I'm happy/resigned to the choices I've made, but she doesn't know that...

There just seems like such a HUGE range of inane conversations to make about babies..."How old is she/he", "she/he is gorgeous", "That cardi is lovely" or even a basic "what's his/her name"....If she had been sitting in the waiting room bf-ing and I had reason to make small talk I'm sure I could have come up with something as an opening other than "oh my DD wouldn;t have a clue what to do with norks..."

I don't think she necessarily meant it in a smug way (I am a formula feeder). I can remember ds1 getting hold of a packet of haribo sweets from dh's niece when he was a toddler and I can remember saying "I don't expect he even knows what to do with them". I wasn't implying that I was a better parent because he had never had sweets (she was a lot older anyway and ds has since had more than his fair share!). The mother was probably genuinely thinking that she wasn't sure if her ds would know what to do with a bottle.

I think whatever her intention, it is your sensitivity that makes it a problem (and I have shared your sensitivity, so I'm not having a pop).

In an NCT setting I think you're absolutely right that people need to think a little about what they're saying: I bottle-fed my first baby after serious illness (mine) stopped breast feeding in its tracks and I was extremely disappointed and neurotic sensitive about it. I would have been extremely thin-skinned about any perceived slight, but I must say in my NCT group it was never an issue.

However, in a different area, my friend, who was exclusively breast feeding her baby, a very rapidly growing lad who'd started off quite little, went to her first (and last) NCT coffee morning and in a conversation about her baby's rapid growth someone she'd just met said dismissively, 'Oh, you must be bottle feeding then'. She had no reason to feel defensive about bfing, but was none the less offended.

It is a minefield, but you have to feel secure in your own decisions and let comments wash over you. I think the comment you heard sounds a bit smug, but then I would.

Ah come off it. I might have said that, and it would not have been smug look at my long term breastfeeding (seriously, who could be arsed- noone thats who), it would mean, don't worry he didn't drink it, he doesn't know what to do with a bottle. Because, er, he doesn't. Though he's exceptionally bright so I'm sure he could work it out...

seriously, chill the fuck out, its not all about you.

I'd have thought she was boasting too.

Has she not even offered him water in a bottle by now? Oh I suppose she gives it to him in a crystal Tiffany's glass, which he never breaks or spills.

It's an odd thing to say though, when you put it under the microscope. A 10 month old who couldn't work out from watching other babies that a bottle goes in the mouth would possibly be missing a developmental milestone. But I would not have said that.

Sorry that was meant to have a at the end

I think it could be taken either way It's entirely feasible that she thought you might get arsey about her lo drinking from your lo's bottle. I've come across mothers who've reacted quite angrily when one of my dc have accidentally taken a sip from their dc's cups etc.

She could have meant it either way. Best to give her the benefit of the doubt.

You might find on getting to know her better that she's kicking herself for making a comment that could so easily be misconstrued.

A bit of both, I think.

You are perhaps being a teeny bit over-sensitive, but it was probably a loaded comment from the other mum. Don't give it another thought.

Well without knowing her or the tone it was said in it´s difficult to say.

But I wouldn´t take it as a criticism tbh.

Now, if she´d come across the room screeching "put that revolting thing down"....

blah it's a nothing about nothing, i wouldn't give it another seconds thought

I came across someone like this once. She was a frosty bitch woman at a toddler group I attended. She couldn't get into the conversation enough times how her son 'went straight from the breast to a sippy cup', as if she had achieved something Nobel-prize worthy. Strangely enough, she seemed to drop this into conversation (and this was on more than one occasion) at precisely the moments I was bottle-feeding my daughter.

I couldn't be arsed to tell her my whole feeding back story (mastitis, abcess, surgery, hell etc), so just used to smile pityingly at her.

Some people are sad. Enough said.

She was possibly only reassuring you he wouldn't drink the milk. But she probably is smug about BF as it was first in her mind to mention it...

I also think it was a throwaway comment and she didn't mean anything by it.

She sounds like a twat. I would have kicked her in the muff.

Sounds like you both need a crash course in confidence building! Her because she feels the need to emphasise her exclusive BF and you because you took offence because you are FF. Perhaps you are little more sensitive about it than you admit to?

As a "no choice" FF (breast surgery) I admit to being quite sensitive and do end up explaining why I cant BF to complete strangers, who probably dont care lol! That said, I am a nightmare to wake up in the night so would probably have ended up FF anyway so DH could help with the night feeds!

I wouldn't worry - DD2 wouldn't take a bottle and she used to shake it round and play with it ( water included). She was bf all the way . WOuldn't even cross my mind as for all I could have known it could be BM in there...Don't even let it bother you.

It's just a comment. Might have been smug, might have been throwaway. I think enough energy has been expended on analysing it. You have 3 lovely DDs - what do you care?

NB: I bet her son would know what to do with a bottle. My DS has never had a dummy (sorry for the smug comment) but he still goes around at playroups sucking on everyone else's.

balloonslayer "A 10 month old who couldn't work out from watching other babies that a bottle goes in the mouth would possibly be missing a developmental milestone." Is that supposed to be a joke, or just a really nasty comment?!

DS1 never knew what to do with a bottle, I probably would have said the same thing because I would have been embarassed that my baby didn't know what to do with a bottle. And other people would have been making assumptions about my baby's development.

I think you are being a bit oversensitive about it. It sounds like exactly the kind of comment I would have made in an off the cuff way, then I would have kicked myself about it afterwards hoping I hadn't caused offence. Don't write her off she was probably just being a bit tactless at worst.

"A 10 month old who couldn't work out from watching other babies that a bottle goes in the mouth would possibly be missing a developmental milestone."

I can't find the words. Wait a minute, here they are...Fuck off you silly cow seems to cover it well.

At 10 months this surely isn't a bitchy comment - children at10 months are eating and drinking from a variety of things - it's very defensive of you to assume that. She's new to the group and a bit nervous and now her dc is mugging other children for their milk. I'd be liable to put foot firmly in mouth by accident. Give her a break. :)

Agree with those who said she is probably kicking herself about it a few weeks ago i was at a baby massage group talking to one of the other mums who said she was worried about her baby being small for her age, i asked " is she breastfed? " and the mum then described in great detail that her baby was bottle fed and the reasons why, i had obviously upset her and i kicked myself afterwards. The stupid thing is i really dint have a opinion one way or the other three of my children were totally bottle fed my fourth is totally breastfed so although she seemed to take my question as a judgement actually It was just - well - a question.

i don't think it was unnecessary, i think it was meant to reassure. likewise i think birth should be at home and i would be proud if i had got my kids to two and a half without a bottle.

as it happens, i gave birth twice in highly medicalised environments and formula fed. but that doesn't mean that the ideal is hurtful.

I think there are an awful lot of (new) parents (mums mostly) who are far too over sensitive about all kinds of things. People say things that upset me all the time, things that are properly upsetting, not just flippant comments about bottles, and I really don't think I need to bang on about them. If we go around trying to be sensitive to absolutely everything that could upset people, we'd all have our moths taped up.