If you mess with married folk you...

[readywithwellies]

deserve everything you get?

OK, so here is the scenario:

You chase (or are chased) after a married/attached person and they leaves their partner to be with you.

AIBU to wonder how the hell you can trust that person not to do the same thing to you?

Why can't people find a SINGLE person to pester????

The fact that people have an "official" partner does not mean that they are necessarily happy, and anyone, however married, is liable to want out if they are unhappy.

Life and partnership are not nearly as straightforward as you make out!

Surely the married person is more at fault?

YANBU though

OP is right though Bonsoir, if they've done it before they are more likely to do it again, so you shouldn't be surprised if the married man who left his wife then cheats on you a few years down the line.

I understand what you mean - BUT, the married person is presumably aware that they are married, and therefore have a responsibility to their partner even if they ain't that happy?
So the single "chaser" isn't entirely to blame because surely the married "chasee" is perfectly capable of spurning their advances.
As for not trusting them if they do get together.....karma, baby.

Reality - yeah I am fine, I just don't get how people think its OK to do it.

Bonsoir - if they are unhappy then leave and be honest before shagging around. Oui? Non?

Memoo - obviously true. That is not in question. They agree to love, honour blah blah.

YANBU, although I agree with Bonsoir too and have seen people leave a spouse for another man/woman, and they have lived happily ever after.

I think there's a difference between falling out of love with you partner and genuinely in love with someone else, and being a serial shagger. Getting together with the latter means you are petty much guaranteed (s)he will cheta on you too.

Are you a statistician, Memoo?

I don't think a ring on a finger is a guarantee of anything, ever, personally - I'm old enough to know better!

an unhappily attatched person is not justifiaction to cheat. they have a responsibility to end things with their partner before starting anything new.

but i think OP's question is more aimed at the Other person (unattatched person) and tbh i think yes it is not a great quality to go afetr a married/attatched person but the responsibility for teh relationship lies with teh person in it not the single person.

Actually yes I am Bonsoir!

Nah, I'm not really

We all know the married person is at fault. I want to know how the OW/OM justifies breaking up a family. If I fell in love with a married man, I would say, leave your wife and then we can talk. If he didn't I wouldn't go there.

Any OW out there? Justify yourselves!

But the OW/OM hasn't broken up the family the married person has.

the OW/OW man isn't responsible for5 whatever the married person does. the married person is under no obligation to reciprocate any sexual advances.

Sometimes depending on the type of man the OW can screw up her own life big time. It's all good at the beginning, then to her new man she becomes someone with the morals of an amoeba and he starts to treat her like shit, because he is a manchild with no sense of responsibility. I've seen it happen.

sorry, my typing is rubbish today. too many errors to point out!

If the OW/OM didn't try to tempt them away, then they would not have left. But yes, the married person has a choice to say yes or no.

Why even bother going after a married person when there are 1000s of single people out there? And how can they be trusted not to be weak to the advances of some other person!

OW don't always 'break up a family' and are not always in love with the married person.... some are quite happy to enjoy the relationship on a superficial level, remain 'O' & stay independent.

boohoo, spell however you like I am not the spelling police.

So would you guys date a person who had affairs/left their partners? I wouldn't. Immediate turn off.

'If I fell in love with a married man, I would say, leave your wife and then we can talk.'

So.... you would still split up their marriage. Could argue that it would be better for you to just shag them than insist they leave their wife

don't be so ridiculous. they left because they are a cheat. it could have been any woman tehy left for. you cannot blame a woman for teh actions of a cheating man. he will cheat regardless of whether she 'tempts' him or not.

and most people can be trusted to ignore the advances of another person. it's called having a bit of moral fibre.

i wouldn't date someone i knew had previous for cheating.

itwascertainlyasurprise you get me completely. It is black and white.

Excuses are just excuses, aside DV, deal with it and move on

Ironic how he judges her as having the morals of an amoeba - surely if that was the case he would feel right at home? Or are we talking double standards again?

Don't get me wrong, I think that anyone who goes after a married man/woman is vile and should be ashamed of themselves but ultimately responsibilty for the marriage lies with the married person.