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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give myself a day off, even though it is very expensive?

22 replies

BobMarley · 22/11/2010 09:40

I am a SAHM and I have 3 DC's. They are 5, 3 and 6 months. I find it hard work at the moment, particularly the baby.

Now, I have booked a viewing at a day nursery and am planning to put my 3-year-old and 6-month-old in for one day a week from the new year. I just want a day off a week. My 5-year-old is in school and my 3-year-old goes to pre-school every morning but I still find it too much work.

It is very expensive, and I can't really justify spending the money although I won't have to get in debt for it, I can use some of the savings we have.

I haven't discussed it with my DH yet, but he will probably go along with it as he knows how much work the children are.

AIBU to do this even though it is expensive and no real reason apart that I want a break?

Am I just a very lazy person?

OP posts:
StealthPomBear · 22/11/2010 09:42

Why does the 3yo have to go too? Can you not just pay for the other half day of pre school - surely that would be cheaper than putting her in nursery?

eaglewings · 22/11/2010 09:45

If it keeps you sane, then it is money well spent. Some mums love being with their kids 27/7, others need a break. As long as you know how you work best and do all you can to make that happen, you will be a better mum imo

werewolf · 22/11/2010 09:45

I think it's an excellent idea.

I did similar when my eldest was 3, she had a couple of mornings a week when dd2 was a newborn and dh was working away for months. Saved my sanity.

Original poster
BobMarley · 22/11/2010 09:45

SPB I could but would then have to have 3 stops in the morning and still pick her up 3 hours later. And two more stops on top of that in the afternoon at different times.

OP posts:
Original poster
BobMarley · 22/11/2010 09:48

Oh forgot to add that 3-year-old's pre-school only does mornings in term-time.

OP posts:
curlymama · 22/11/2010 09:51

I'm not sure I would do it if it meant dipping into savings. But it depends how much you feel you need the break. Could your DH not do more on the weekends to give you some time. I think I'd rather spend the money going away for a weekend once in a while and properly getting away from it all.

It might also be worth bearing in mind that they might not settle well if they are only there for one day a week, but your 3yo going to pre school already will help with that.

badfairy · 22/11/2010 09:55

Go for it....I went back to work 4 days a week when DS1 but he went to nursery for 5. Don't have any family close by and I used to have Wednesdays to myself and it kept me sane. Haven't quite had that luxury since DS2 has come along but if you can afford it do it Smile

Original poster
BobMarley · 22/11/2010 09:59

I suppose I feel a little bit guilty doing it but at the same time I feel I could really do with some time to myself. I do seem to shout at the kids a lot because everything is getting a bit on top of me. And let's not even talk about the state of the house...

Also, I'm hoping to go back to work for a couple of days a week in the New Year (if I can find a job that is!) and it would be quite handy if they are already settled in a nursery, plus having one day a week to do some job hunting without being interruptd all the time.

OP posts:
RealityBomb · 22/11/2010 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FakePlasticTrees · 22/11/2010 10:06

If you have to dip into savings, I'd not feel comfortable doing it, can you sit down with your DH and look at the monthly budget and see if there's any way to pay for it without using savings? Also check if he can get childcare vouchers through work.

If it was me, as you already have your 3 yo in pre-school every morning, it might be better to find a day nursury or a childminder close to your 3yo's pre school for your 6 month old 2-3 mornings a week. That will give you more practical 'me' time, and it's usually easier to take a half day up to a full day at nursery than it is to add full days if you are looking to go back to work (would be most annoying to get them settled, then get a job and find you have to move them elsewhere as you can't get places for the days you are working).

Bonsoir · 22/11/2010 10:09

Surely it would be cheaper to have a mother's help in to your house for a day?

orangina · 22/11/2010 10:14

I can totally relate to you wanting your own time in your house, and not wanting the mother's help thing. I LOVE the few hours a week I get at home, by myself, without paying for extra childcare.... I think having that time off can make one a better parent, that's certainly the case for me.....

(loved the story of the only child going to grandparents for 3 days a week.....!)

Smile
mickeyjohn · 22/11/2010 10:15

oooo DO IT DO IT!!!!!!

I used to do it when I was pregnant with DD2 - I put DD1 in for a day a week just for my sanity and so I didn't turn into mum from hell. I think you NEED to have some time for yoursef, esp with 3 under 5 (I only have 2, and i know how hard it is esp without family nearby to help out) and if you can afford it, then do it. Your sanity is more important!! You can do stuff, like tidy up, get a hairdbut (remember those?!), go clothes shopping in peace, read a magazine in Costa.....happy days!!
I also think children benefit from a day away from mum too - they will love nursery, do loads of stuff that you don't have time/can't be arsed to do like painting and messy play/play with their friends etc
DO it, don't feel bad, and enjoy!!

mickeyjohn · 22/11/2010 10:16

that'll be haircut!!

Original poster
BobMarley · 22/11/2010 10:23

Grin at hairdbut

I'd rather not have anyone at the house, I find it a bit invasive and doesn't give me a bit of freedom and headspace IYSWIM.

I just feel that I'm not the happy mum I was before I had my 3rd, because I don't ever really get a break and am hoping that one day off a week would help.

OP posts:
maddylou · 22/11/2010 10:30

Yes you need a break--i had 3 close together too

Have you tried:-

Swopping with a friend so that you both get some child free time?Even a morning is great and if it works well you can do it weekly

Finding an older Mum ,perhaps someone with children at university but no grandchildren yet ,to come and babysit?try advertising at newsagents or in local magazine.

Good luck

armani · 22/11/2010 10:30

i too have 3 under 5 and i know how hard it is. mine are dd1 4,ds 1. 11 and dd2 11 months. if i had the money to put them in nursery one day a week i would do so in a heartbeat!

3 under 5 are very demanding and i feel like i dont stop from the minute i open my eyes to the minute i go to bed ( and often the hours in between!)

if you can afford it go for it!

maddylou · 22/11/2010 10:32

understand about wanting time home alone--maybe once you got to know surrogate granny she could take them out or to her house?

Original poster
BobMarley · 22/11/2010 10:37

Helpful tips here. Can people with 3 DC's please tell me that it does get easier when they are a bit older and it wasn't a huge mistake to have a 3rd??

Although I seem to remember that I escaped back to work when my 2nd was around 6 months too. I don't think I like lugging a small baby around all that much!

OP posts:
frgr · 22/11/2010 10:38

YANBU to want (need!) a break. But I wouldn't dip into savings to do it. I would encourage my partner to request a day off and take the hit in wages. but that's becuase him working 1 day a week less and sharing the load would be much more pleasent / nice for him to have time with the kids and not work out so much more worse off financially. So between my partner getting time with the kids where I have a pre-arranged morning out (even just to the library or coffee shop), I would do that. I know not all employers can do this/people can afford it though, so that's just for me in my position :)

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 22/11/2010 10:46

YANBU AT ALL. I only had one was a SAHM and he went to nursery 1 day a week as I would have gone nuts without a break. We now have 2 and the youngest is only 3 weeks but as soon as she is old enough not to be portable (i.e. about 7 months) there will be a discussion at least about sending her to nursery one day a week as well.

As for the savings thing, well I think it depends on how much savings you have and if you think you will be able to replenish them soon. Which is more important in the short term - sanity or savings?

maddylou · 22/11/2010 11:05

it was hard,but theres no way I`d be without dc3.

I wish I`d trained mine up to help more when they were little
I well remember getting back home after having dc3 and having to breastfeed sitting on the loo seat whilst supervising dc1 and 2 in the bath--seemed symbolic of all that was to come but you can do it.
P.S. theres some good tips on flylady e.g. you can do anything for 15 minutes which help too

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