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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm not am - please tell me I'm not???

32 replies

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 22:13

I've just sent an email to the Sunday School (main) leader telling her that none of my boys will be at the dress rehearsal for the Sunday School Nativity (DS2 is Joseph, DS1 has a speaking part, DS3 is a shepherd......probably a wandering one ).

The reason - it's from 5.30-7pm on a Wednesday.

That's not too bad EXCEPT for the fact that we have our monthly after school service that day as well - straight after school until 4.15ish (and then we stay to tidy up/serve refreshments- as I help to organise it).

It's our Christmas one so probably going to go on for longer as we tend to make it a bit of a party. DS1 is in charge of the technical side of things for that service.

We don't usually leave the church until 5.15 at the earliest (often much closer to 6).

So if they stay for the rehearsal they'll be out doing stuff constantly all the way until 7pm - with just a handful of biscuits and grapes to keep them going.

I replied straight back to say - no - none of them will be there........because of the proximity in timing to our (booked months ago) Service.

But now I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable and I should just make them stay on until 7........

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MrsTittleMouse · 21/11/2010 22:17

An hour and a half for a rehearsal for a Sunday School Nativity? Things must have certainly moved on since my day.

BaggyCoconut · 21/11/2010 22:17

I think it depends on your children, and you are the best person to judge that. One of my three is too young to have these worries yet. But out of the other two, my boy would handle being busy to 7 with no proper dinner fine.......my little girl would never manage it, she would be even more unco-operative than usual, and get very upset.

So YANBU. You know your children and what they can manage or not. It you think they will be too tired/hungry/in need of a break, then you do know best. TBH if they are not in the right mood the rehersal probably would not go well anyway.

fedupofnamechanging · 21/11/2010 22:18

You could take a picnic, so your children eat properly, but if you think it is too much then YANBU to say no

Serendippy · 21/11/2010 22:18

Sorry, I think YABabitU. If you want them in the Nativity, they should go to the dress rehearsal. Can you not bring something for them to have at 5.15 for dinner? Sandwiches and fruit, that sort of thing.

I know this is the opposite of what you wanted to hear so feel free to ignore

AuntiePickleBottom · 21/11/2010 22:23

yabu, you have signed up to the play....and they need time to practise.

perhaps you could take a picnic or arrabge it with the other parent for a fish and chip supper before rehearsals

Original poster

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 22:24

well - it's a full blown play/musical type thing MrsTittle - songs and stuff as well (usually with bizarre themes - last year there were aliens involved) which takes the place of the family parade service....

I'm not sure - the thing is there will be LITERALLY no break from school until 7pm.

They come straight from school (1 minute walk for one of them, 5 minutes walk for the older one) and straight into Leapfrog, then the only reason we get finished by 5.30ish - is because they help sweep, put away tidy, and then it would be straight into the dress rehearsal for a 1 1/2hrs.

They're 10, almost 7 and 3 (although the 3yr old will have had a rest in the early afternoon for an hour or two from nursery).

I think it's going to be too much for any of them.

I don't think I could go from early afternoon straight through until 7pm hardly stopping for breath.

But I don't want to let them (Sunday School team) down - especially as DS2 has the "starring" (though non-speaking) role, and DS1 has lines.

I feel a bit bad now though for saying straight off we can't do it.

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Original poster

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 22:28

ermm - I didn't "sign them up" for the play.

Everyone that goes to Sunday school is involved in it, every single year.

There'll be no time to eat (and we - and they - will have just finished tidying up the mess of food from the church)

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Original poster

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 22:30

I'm not sure why they're doing it on a school day this year actuall - usually dress rehearsal (or at least has been for the last 8yrs we've been at the church) is on either a Saturday afternoon, or a Sunday straight after church

I think I may speak to my BF tomorrow - she also runs Leapfrog, and 2 of her children will also be in the same predicament as they also attend Sunday school.

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Serendippy · 21/11/2010 22:32

Although you didn't 'sign them up', you know that part of Sunday school is the Nativity. I agree about not letting them down, it shouldn't do your DCs too much harm as a one off.

Original poster

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 22:35

Yes I know it's part of it - but it's never been on a week day before (And as the church organist I'm hardly going to keep my children in church instead of going to Sunday school.......)

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MrsTittleMouse · 21/11/2010 22:38

Aliens!

I was thinking of an infant school aged thing where you just stand out at the front in costumes and sing a few carols to tell the story. So obviously have got the wrong end of the stick.

How old are they?

Serendippy · 21/11/2010 22:39

As I said, as a one off I don't think it will be too traumatic for them. As for the reason they attend Sunday school, that is neither here nor there, they do so they have to commit to whatever events go with it.

But to be fair to you, you did state in your title that you wanted to be told you are not being unreasonable so you did make your position clear

Serendippy · 21/11/2010 22:39

MrsTittleMouse they are 10, 6 and 3

Original poster

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 22:40

Yep - there was a massive alein spaceship constructed near the church entrance last year for it .

They're always good fun, and even the staunch traditionalist in the congregation can't help but raise a smile.

They're 10, 7 (well he will be just by then) and 3

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Mumwithadragontattoo · 21/11/2010 22:41

Sorry but I think YABU too. It is the dress rehearsal and if you are going to be in a play then you do need to attend the dress rehearsal. Especially as your boys seem to have key roles. Could you not give the service a miss this month or it that vital too? If so, I would agree with those suggesting you take them a picnic dinner. I'm sure the Sunday school teacher would prefer to let them eat at the start of the rehearsal rather than them miss it altogether if you explain the circs. It isn't fair on the other children or the teacher IMO for your sons not to go to the dress rehearsal.

TrillianAstra · 21/11/2010 22:44

Can they not have some food etc while you are doing the 'refreshaments' bit? Or is it the 'no rest' rather than 'no food' you are worried about?

Original poster

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 22:46

Serendippy - I think it is "here nor there" actually. I'm a single parent, I've been the church organist (and now multiple other roles as well) for nearly 8yrs now. thankfully they love Sunday school, but unless I give it all up then there is no other option but for them to go.

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Original poster

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 22:57

No I can't give the service a miss.

It's a monthly after school service, which has been on the calendar since the start of the (Jan-Dec) year. I help to plan, organise and run it - and play the piano for that as well. And DS1 operates the laptop for it so they have words to sing to.

They will get a little food (a real "little" during the refreshments) - and then they help clear up the mess that the other 30 or so infant aged children have made with theirs.

DS1 should be fine with no/little food - DS2 will be a miserable arse but he'll have cope, DS3 I'd have to sit and feed raisins to him by hand I think.

It's more the constant on the go/tiredness. (I'll be bloody knackered too - we usually have fish and chips on that Wednesday in the month as I'm out all afternoon setting up/running/clearing up and then its too late/am too knackered to cook). DS1 might be ok, DS2 will be the grumpiest Joseph known to mankind, and DS3 - well he'll probably get bored having been doing stuff all afternoon - but I'm not sure he'll be as grumpy.

TBH I don't want to be in church for nearly 6 hours straight that day either

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Serendippy · 21/11/2010 22:58

That is the option! I am not trying to be awkward, am just pointing out that them attending Sunday school allows you to attend church and play the organ and they enjoy going. The payback is to commit to events.

Alambil · 21/11/2010 23:04

Could they skip tidying after LeapFrog just this once?

why is the run through on a week night? when's the actual play? Can't it be shifted til Saturday/Sunday afternoon?

and no, yanbu - silly planning on the planner's part imo

Original poster

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 23:07

I could argue your "payback" argument quite strongly - but it would be going very severely off topic (and I'll probably get all teary and emotional )

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Serendippy · 21/11/2010 23:09

Don't worry about it, I seem to be getting into arguments all over the place tonight, so off to bed!

Iamcountingto3 · 21/11/2010 23:12

Not great planning, I agree - but as it's a nativity dress rehearsal, I'd make an extra effort.
Could the younger two have an afternoon off the service? Have you got a mate who could have them for some play/down time and proper food before the rehearsal ... or even join you after the service for the party/chat bit.

If not, I'd take a picnic - and just steel myself for a shitty evening

Original poster

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 23:14

Lewis - if they don't help out we won't be finished cleaning/tidying/putting chairs back/taking the screen down etc where they should be until well after the rehearsal is due to start (and actually tbh as it's our Christmas Party Service I'm not sure we'll have finished by the time they start anyhow (butthat's by the by - if they do stay for it we'll just have to finish off around the rehearsal)

I have no idea why it's on a week night - or at least not that week night.

Apparently the Cubs are involved with it this years as well - but they meet on a Tuesday evening

It's always been the Saturday afternoon before the Service, or last year they had an "extended" Sunday school the week before and did it then.

Unless my BF also says she can't do it (her youngest DD almost certainly won't cope with school/leapfrog/rehearsal - but she may feel compelled to stay on as she's one of the other helpers at Sunday school) I think I'll have let them, and deal with the fall out on Friday (not I haven't gone mad and mixed my days up ) - I have choir practice on the Thursday night where we don't finish until 8pm so it'll be 2 late nights in a row

f*ck - think I'd better by some valium, the more I think about it the more I don't want to let them down, 8yrs and I've never let them down yet unless I was ill (and even then played for one Christmas Day service with the flu......apparently.......although I have no memory of playing for it at all)

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Original poster

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 21/11/2010 23:16

Iamcounting - no they couldn't have it off DS2 is brought over from school by the 3rd leader of the service (who is a TA at the school)......and she and my BF are the only 2 people that could have them.

No WAY am I taking a picnic - I'm not sweeping up twice

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