To not have sex with dh (another thread gave me confidence to ask)

[ofcourseInamechanged]

DH and I since ds have had 'issues' regarding sex, mainly my body confidence and libido took a massive knock and he expected me to be up for it just as much. It's fine when we get going but I find it hard to initiate, I'm so tired with 4m/o ds. He is VERY stroppy about 'always' having to start things and isn't prepared to do much more than grab my bits at inappropriate times then get arsey if he's pushed off. 1-2 nights a week is normal. although we've just been nearly 3 week without after a 3 week long first period (grim).

This morning REALLY took the piss though. All in bed, ds, dh and I. He moved around behind me said 'I have an idea' then moved behind me, put his hand down my knickers and tried to spoon me. Now I'm fine with sex if 4m/o is well asleep in his cot BUT he was bloody the other side of me nose to nose giggling at the sudden voices. Eyeball to eyeball. Now I think I'm pretty normal with not being ok with my bottom half having sex while my top half entertains a baby. I told dh as much and removed him from my knickers. He had a big strop, said he's fed up of 'always' asking for sex and being turned down and muttered about sexless marriages. He then stropped out to the shops alone saying he wanted to go out alone.

It's been building up but something has snapped inside me today at this ridiculous pleasure me like I'm an over grown five year old attitude he has. I've been out all day avoiding him and now I'm deliberately elsewhere in the house. I don't even want to speak to him, he's probably forgotten why/ can't see how he was unreasonable at all.

I can't see why he can't be normal and suggest sex while ds naps (5 min after this exchange!) or a quickie whilst ds entertains himself in the other room strapped in a bouncer. I'm starting to think he's actually engineering ridiculous times to try sex and get turned down so he can create a fuss and put me down. He'll try it on if I'm tired or ill but goes to bed at 8 with ds most the time then sulks he doesn't have sex.

I've digressed, but AIBU to not want sex at all with him after the stunt he tried this morning (especially considering the rest of it). I've spent the day near trembling with suppressed rage.

i think you really need to communicate more with him, tell him this is what you want, otherwise he may genuinely have no idea.

why do you think it is that he always initiates sex?

in answer to your original question YANBU, it's your choice!

Next time he is having a conversation, in person with his mum, or relative, shove your hands down his pants and see how he likes it!

I have already given my Opinion about these situations, so YANBU.

Maybe its time for you to ask him why he asks, or initiates sex at inappropriate times?
Let him no he is making it very hard for you to like him, let alone want to have sex with him.
HE has the problem here, NOT YOU.

YANBU for not wanting sex.

He could well be struggling with parenthood though. Feeling left out and second best. The fact he is 'competeing' with DS for your attention may be an indicator of this.

DH suffered from depression after DD was born (he didn't behave like this but other odd things). PND is well recognised but men are often mocked for acting odd after birth of a child.

He has been a dick though

YANBU

1-2 times a week with a 4 month old...your dh is bloody lucky!!

He sounds like an immature twonk, and nothing is as unsexy as a stroppy, petulant twonk!

In saying that, it's never good to let rage and resentment simmer, which means you probably need to talk to him (maybe when you don't want to hurt him physically) or you could wait for the responses to this and let him read this.

He's always tried to say I don't want sex and from early on tried to blame me for being frigid, I think I'm pretty much normal. Not nightly, but a few times a week. I don't think it's a parenthood thing.

I don't want sex with him often as he does little to be sexy, just grabby and sulkly. Who has sex with a man just because he'll sulk if you don't, or moan. Hardly manly. Sulky voice: 'Are we going to have sex or do you not want it again', bit of a killer.

if OH got it 1-2 a week he'd be singing from the roof tops and we're actually ttc, just having really stressy time at mo.

what a

YANBU

splashy, I've told him 'til I'm blue in the face.

If he has always been like this, i would show him the door.

ottmumma- I'm really getting to that point. As I said something inside snapped today. A final straw maybe. Just so fucking disrespectful of me 1-to just try and grab and take 2-To disregard my feelings, I was happily playing with ds and making faces etc. Like I'm a bloody sock for wanking with and I'll just comply looking after the baby and him.

Well he is obviously being a twat trying to initiate sex when your dc is awake. Really if he is being a twat generally you are not going to want to initiate sex in any way.

Talk to him, if he doesn't understand or listen to you, fuck him.

It was just that ds was awake, but that he was in my arms 2 inches between our noses.

I'm obviously getting angry again.

you need to say this word for word

"will you fuck off being a complete knob"

Fuck that. Seriously.

WHY are you with him ?
And don't tell me it's because he's 'great with the kids'

I think if he said 'sorry' it would go a long way, but he'll just think he's right.

Two months ago I did actually ask for a divorce after another incident. I don't quite know how it ended but I got treated like a silly hysterical woman for voicing concerns (I started very calmly and articulately but I must admit screamed later on, mainly from frustration). It was late at night and I gave up really with no where to go with a small baby.

I'm with him because I loved him, I'm wondering if I still do.

Have you tried talking to him in a neutral place and when things are calm? I only ask as lots of couples seem not to discuss anything at appropriate times - so hard to discuss difficult stuff when one or other is riled and baby screaming in background.

x post

I have. He blanks me. Completely, no reply. Will read the newspaper or something like I'm not there. Eventually I get wound up because I'm there pouring my heart out and he won't give me the respect of even looking at me/ replying. Normally ends with me closing the book or turning tv off that he's looking at then him shouting/ storming out.

Are you me!?! Tell him you need to talk and if he loves you he will listen or you will be VERY hurt.

If I were you I'd leave for a while- I know it's difficult with other responsibilities but the way I see it you have the choice of ending up bitter angry and dis respected by the man you are supposed to trust most in the world or being properly loved by someone who respects you, not sees you as property.

I think the whole thing is crazy on his part-
were you meant to have an orgasm whilst looking at your baby? Or dump the baby onthe floor while he shagged you? Well?

He's a nasty nasty person.

Honestly after your last post I would say that he doesn't love you, hedoesnt even sound like he likes you.

I'm sorry if that's harsh but I hate to think of you in this awful situation

I honestly feel on the cusp of vomitting.
So many incomprehensible people out there.

No YANBU not to have sex wiht him.

In fact, he sounds like he's got no respect for you at all.

Once again, a case of a man treating his wife as she's his personal wank sock and getting angry when she declines this role. And then treating her anger about it, as though she is being hysterical, unreasonable and oh so silly female really.

Going by your posts, there's no evidence of respect for you and no love there.

Agree ott!

Fucking scum.

Ladyofthehouse, you've hit the nail on the head with how I feel about him not liking me. I'm confronted him a few times on this.

I'm up at a silly late time for me as I don't want to join him in bed.