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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you dont need to give a 2 year old a bottle

66 replies

woahthere · 19/11/2010 13:21

I look after a 2 year old boy, I have looked after him about 9 months and all this time, I have been trying to get him to be more independant by giving him finger foods, and encouraging him to drink from a cup and feed himself with a spoon because otherwise he literally sits there and just opens his mouth to be fed, even when the food is in his mouth he just lets it swil around until it eventually goes down rather than chewing it and swallowing it. He has not been allowed to do things for himself enough because his mum cant deal with the mess. Ive worked really hard over the past few months to encourage him to be a bigger boy and he has started to respond, but then I found out he still has bottles morning and night. AIBU to think is totally unecessary. I feel like the Mum is trying to keep him dependant and a baby.

OP posts:

sapphireblue · 19/11/2010 13:23

Not your place to judge I'm afraid. One of DDs friends is almost 3 and still drinks a few bottles of milk a day. It's quite common, and whilst not great for their teeth it's probably not doing any harm.

I think I'd be more worried about his inability to chew food......

ChippingIn · 19/11/2010 13:24

I agree with you, but plenty wont.

ANTagony · 19/11/2010 13:25

You mean he has a bottle of milk morning and night?

I encouraged both my sons to have follow on milk until they were 3 (at night). They had a bottle. I didn't see a problem with this. However both did use a beaker or lidded cup in the day.

The not being on finger foods or being able to use cutlery is falling a bit short on the basic development milestones but it sounds like with your help he's getting there.

SkyBluePearl · 19/11/2010 13:26

2 years old is too old for a bottle i agree. A cup would be fine though.

Is he a first child? They are sometimes more dependant and less independant. Mine were anyway.

poorbuthappy · 19/11/2010 13:27

why is 2 too old for a bottle of milk?

WowOoo · 19/11/2010 13:28

Mine still has a bottle. He can chew fine and eats well.Feeds himself.

I agree, it's not necessary. It's part of his evening routine and will have one before his afternoon sleep too.

But your 2 yr old I'd be thinking the same about spoon feeding him. Odd. have a word with the mum and ask what she wants. You can give her some advice!!

MerryMarigold · 19/11/2010 13:29

I gave my ds1 a bottle till he was almost 3 at night, because he refused to drink milk any other way. [When we stopped bottles he stopped drinking milk, and it has stayed that way]. However, he could definitely eat by himself before he was 1, and use fork, spoon etc. by then. I have twins, and they do drink milk from cups, so I guess it is just something 'some kids do' and perhaps this little boy is one of them [giving benefit of doubt].

I would concentrate on the food and worrying- about- mess issues in the house, rather than the bottles, which are a bit irrelevant imo. Can you not explain to the Mum that his eating development should be a lot more advanced by this stage (in a nice way).

faverolles · 19/11/2010 13:29

YANBU. I know a 4 yr old who still uses a bottle, is fed purée and is strapped into a highchair, because the alternative is too much hassle for the mother.
At least this little boy has time with someone else who can help to wean him away from these habits.

LightlyKilledCrunchyFrog · 19/11/2010 13:30

I don't care. DS2 is nearly two and still has bottles and breast milk. He doesn't need to be forced to grow up, he'll do that all by himself. I bet he won't still have a bottle when he starts secondary school.

The chewing and swallowing thing sounds decidedly non typical though, are you sure there isn't an underlying difficulty? That's pretty passive behaviour, and IMO unlikely to be caused by within-the-range-of-normally-paranoid parenting.

MassiveKnob · 19/11/2010 13:32

Does it matter if a child has a bottle up until any age though? What problems would it cause for later life, just out of interest?

I would have thought, if a child was happy having one, and the parent was happy giving one, it really doesn't matter.

Original poster

woahthere · 19/11/2010 13:34

I suppose it is the whole thing put together, I feel like Ive been trying so hard to help him grow up that to find out he still has SMA feels a bit of a backwards step. Antagony, Im sorry but I really dont see why you would need to give follow on milk in a bottle, mind you, I think follow on milk is a load of rubbish anyway...

OP posts:

happygilmore · 19/11/2010 13:34

I think MK that it's because bottles are worse for your teeth than cups (could be wrong though).

PussinJimmyChoos · 19/11/2010 13:34

DS is 4.5 and still has a bottle at night and first thing in the morning - he absolutely loves it and its part of his routine/comfort - wouldn't dream of taking it away from him

During the day he drinks from a cup, eats with cutlery, can feed himself etc so its not a case of my wanting to keep him a baby (although it is very cute when he's lying down guzzling away )

I think the concern here is that the mother is treating him like a baby and the bottles are a symptom of that, but not every child that has bottles are being babied - a lot of them just like their little routine/comfort

CamperFan · 19/11/2010 13:35

Really faverolles? That sounds really extreme.

OP, I think it is great that you are proactively helping him eat more independently, but I don't think having a bottle is related to that. DS was eating from about 14 months, but he had a bottle of milk at night until he was about 2.5 - he just really liked it!

Original poster

woahthere · 19/11/2010 13:36

He is a very passive child, I thought our whole aim as parents or carers was to encourage our children to learn and grow up, not stay babies...be children yes, but not stay babies?

OP posts:

sausagelover · 19/11/2010 13:38

DS is 21 mo and still pretty attached to his bottles of warm milk, which he has before going upstairs to bed and when he gets up in the morning. he brushes his teeth soon after.

He will have a sippy cup of milk mid afternoon, but refuses it at night or in the morning. I'd like to get him off the bottles though and am going to try a lidded cup with a soft spout to see if that works ffor a starter!

iwouldgoouttonight · 19/11/2010 13:38

My DD is nearly two and still has a bottle at night - I'd like to encourage her to stop but it seems to be the only way she'll drink milk (she drinks water from a cup but not milk for some reason!).

I'd be more worried about not chewing food - isn't there more danger of choking if he isn't able to control the food put into his mouth?

MerryMarigold · 19/11/2010 13:44

woah, I think it's a balance. You can encourage, but not push/ force it. That's why a lot of kids enjoy eating with their fingers/ cutlery, but may still love the comfort of a bottle - it's taking it at their pace. Perhaps the mum tried cups and he wouldn't have it.

Does sound like he is being a little 'babied' with the follow-on milk thing, but the adverts do go on about how it has all the iron kids need (I don't use it on my 2 year olds though!). He is still 2 though. I still think of my 25 month olds as babies!!! But they can talk, eat and drink milk from cups! There's so much time for them to 'grow up'.

The passive bit may just be his character. I guess he will need more encouragement to be adventurous. [The kids are a lot 'easier'/ less 'work' naturally - my niece is like that]. But I'm sure he'll get there if he spends enough time around you and other, especially older, kids.

PrematureEjoculation · 19/11/2010 13:49

well, no, a 2 year old does not (normally) need a bottle, but, as others have said, it's not harmful either...

so really up to the mother in question.

personally i think its great when they can handle a normal cup and drink from it, so you no longer have to take baby tat with you so that your kids can drink out and about.

InVinoFerretsAss · 19/11/2010 13:49

If the mother was breastfeeding him still would you insist she expressed and gave it to him in a cup? (Supply issues aside for a moment)

Some children take real comfort from snuggling up with mum/dad and having a bottle of milk in the morning or night in the same way that a breastfeed is comfort and cuddling as much as it is a feed.

I think you need to remove the bottle issue from the overall problem and concentrate on the self-feeding and the chewing problem. Sounds like you're working very hard with him and making good progress!

umf · 19/11/2010 13:50

DS is almost 4 and still has a bottle of milk in the morning. I've just persuaded him out of the evening one lately, to try and get him dry at night. He's by no means babyish - in fact he can prepare and microwave it himself.

You may well be right that this child is worryingly passive, but I don't think the bottle has much to do with it.

DinahRod · 19/11/2010 13:52

Friends' 3 yr old ds is still having formula milk in a bottle 3x a day & then they are concerned he doesn't eat v much and it's difficult toilet training. It irritates dh when they visit as feeding both their dcs is such a palaver. Fairly sane normally but totally indulgent parents, speak to their 6 & 3 in baby-talk and do the "that's not nice babba" when the 3 yr old clonks another with a heavy object.

MadamDeathstare · 19/11/2010 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkieMinx · 19/11/2010 13:54

YANBU - totally unneccessary. Best bit about parenting, for me, is teaching your child new things - very sad about the feeding. I hate the mess too but it's not about me. Some parents are very selfish.

Original poster

woahthere · 19/11/2010 13:56

So the bottle thing is ok, I will try not to be too judgemental, might suggest she swaps to a beaker, or should I butt out. Until a few months ago he wasnt even giving himself water from a beaker, he would just say 'uh uh' and expect it to be fed to him (I stopped that!) He is ready to be a big boy, he looks so proud of himself when he drank from a normal cup the other day without spilling it, but I feel like he is being held back.

OP posts:

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