to think you dont need to give a 2 year old a bottle

[woahthere]

I look after a 2 year old boy, I have looked after him about 9 months and all this time, I have been trying to get him to be more independant by giving him finger foods, and encouraging him to drink from a cup and feed himself with a spoon because otherwise he literally sits there and just opens his mouth to be fed, even when the food is in his mouth he just lets it swil around until it eventually goes down rather than chewing it and swallowing it. He has not been allowed to do things for himself enough because his mum cant deal with the mess. Ive worked really hard over the past few months to encourage him to be a bigger boy and he has started to respond, but then I found out he still has bottles morning and night. AIBU to think is totally unecessary. I feel like the Mum is trying to keep him dependant and a baby.

It is better to discourage the bottle though - teeth wise. DD and I cuddle up with a beaker of milk at morning/bed. Don't have to miss any closeness. He sounds lovely.

I had no idea some children still have bottles past 3
Nothing wrong so long as child is happy etc, don't think i would personally encourage it past 3.
My DS is an only and has been very independant from the beginning, at 6 months he stopped using his dummy without any forcing from us, and he is 3 soon, and hasn't had a bottle for about a year now.

I think he started to want to be more like mummy and daddy with cups etc, first he used to ask for us to take his bottle lid off, and then flat out refusal to use anything other than a proper cup!
He is fine now with a cup, although he has a water bottle, flip top thing for nursery, but everwhere else, he has a cup.

I'd let her know just how well he's doing at eating independently and boast for him how he can now drink so well from a cup without spilling. She might take the hint and encourage a bit more at home.

The bottle thing is a comfort - as with many mine only drank milk from a bottle at night and weren't fussed to take it from a beaker/ cup. It was part of their comfort routine and I don't think did any harm.

OP, i would just carry on your way when he is with you, that way, when he becomes more aware of other children not using bottles etc as he gets older, he will still feel confident using a cup etc.
Some just take time, but im sure he will make progress eventually.

woahthere I presume because you are child minding this child that his mum goes to work?? If so then I think you are rather judgemental and putting your opinion onto someone else isn't on. If this mum chooses to give her child milk from a bottle and is ok doing so then thats her business, children grow up when they are ready.

The being unable to chew is rather another issues thay may need looking into.

I had my baby's 8-9 month assesment with HV the other day, and she said does she feed herself. I was rather embarrased to say NO, but its because I have 4 other children to get out of the house by 8am and myself to work by 8.30 so in the interests of quickness and cleaniness I feed her porrodge/weetabix and then let her drink her milk by herself, and as I work full time, she is usually fed by the time I collect her.
I know my baby is a lot younger than the one you are talking about, but it really gets me why we have to explain ourselves as if we are doing something bad. If my baby was losing weight etc because I was letting her do it herself but she wasn't very sucessful that would be something else for them to frown upon.

I understand your frustration at wanting to encourage him to be a big boy etc, but does it really matter that much at 2 years old, as long as he is getting all the nutrition, exercise and love and attention from his mum and you that he needs, he'll be just fine.

thats true invino, I wouldnt suggest expressing and replacing with a beaker. I breastfed myself until 18 months old so I will remove the bottle problem from the equation, it was obviously just one amongst many things that concerned me. Mind you, I still think I would give a beaker rather than a bottle and wouldnt bother with formula.

I don't think having a bottle at his age is a problem.

But spoonfeeding him and not encouraging him to try finger food or things he needs to chew is wrong. Sounds like the mum is too lazy to deal with a bit of spilled food.

My friend who runs the village under-fives says it's not uncommon. Lots of mums would rather carry on spoonfeeding than deal with any mess that comes with teaching their kids a bit of independence.

I don't think it's the end of the world. Not something I've had to deal with because DS was always very happy with his sippy cups and would drink anything out of them so we got rid of bottles entirely around 15mths. He's now 2.2 and drinks out of normal open cups during the day and has a sippy cup at night in his cot. Among the kids I know, however, bottles are still quite common.

Definitely think the feeding issues are more important in your case

Isn't learning to feed themselves part of how to develop hand, eye, co-ordination?

I think that aged 2 he should be able to feed himself, or at least be left to attempt it himself.

Somethings we as humans have to learn within a time period or later we struggle with that certain activity.

superparty...i havent put my opinion on her, I am not judgemental of her,and I have not asked her to explain herself! when you are a childminder it is your duty to make sure a child is reaching certain milestones, if the y are not then we are supposed to approach the situation with the primary carer (Mum) and work with the parent to ensure the childs well being, health and safety. With respect, 8 months old is a whole different kettle of fish. I know exactly what its like to have to get children out the door in the morning, I do it every morrning with up to 5 children, but I allow enough time for them to do things for themselves, not everything, its not always possible and sometimes if youre in a hurry then you help them along so to speak, but not all the time.
I have no doubts that he is 'fine' but I want him to be more than just 'fine'

I'd be more at the little boy being apparently unable to feed himself than the bottle of milk tbh. His parents and whoever else looks after him have done him no favours if he can't even chew properly.

I don't think it's too old at all. I may be a bit biased because I had a bottle until I was about 5, honestly, because I would not drink milk any other way. It wasn't the same out of a cup. I could eat and do everything else perfectly well, and my teeth were/are fine (although that's anecdotal, not scientific)

I think maybe his feeding-self issues are separate from the bottle thing itself

no you don't NEED to - the parents probably want to though. Their choice really.

DD never had a bottle - boob & then sippy cup. She still uses the sippy cup in bed when we read stories at night - she calls it her baby cup

Yeah, my 2.10yo has a bottle because I want to keep her a baby, not because it's her comfort blanket and she is distraught without it. FFS.

I don't think yabu with regards to the mother keeping the 2 year old dependent but yabu with regards to the bottle and judging on that basis.
I still give my 2year old a bottle of cows milk morning and night, dd1 had this till 18 months then I started giving her it in a cup, since then she won't drink milk at all, I worry she isn't getting enough calcium although she loves cheese etc. So I am in no hurry to take this away from dd2, who eats a totally normal diet and makes a mess at the sametime :). I have no worries about her ability to use cutlery or eat at all.
Could the little boy just be lazy? Dd1 fed herself till about 2 then wouldn't eat unless she was fed, this lasted about 2 months, whereas dd2 won't have any help.

I think there are seperate issues - my ds had a nightly bottle until around two but he did not have a problem chewing.
I would forget the bottles altogether, having a cuddle/bottle with mum night and morning is perfectly fine and not a problem at ALL, and won't make you not feed yourself or have a problem chewing. Do not suggest she gives up the bottles, it would just be odd to do that and seem like a personal prejudice on your behalf.
I would mention the apparent problem he has chewing and ask her if she's noticed anything. Other than that, I don't think it's necessary to raise anything else.

Ignore my first line have reread op yeah yabu.

I think YANBU about the whole situation, but YABU on the bottle thing alone. Ds2 is 2.4 and has a bottle of warm milk at night, other than that he feeds himself ect. Ds1 had a bottle at night until he was almost 4 as he wouldn't drink milk any other way and still won't. I now ensure he gets his calcium through youghurts, cheese ect and a small amount of milk in a hot chocolate at bedtime. They both drank water/juice from lidded cups though.

I wont say anything about the bottle.
I have broached the chewing problem before but they say he is just lazy. (Im not convinced)
You can get calcium from other sources by the way if they arent keen on milk...even foods like spinach, nuts etc have calcium in , and if she likes cheese then Im sure thats enough. hth.

oo! cross thread ellie...what did i do!

Wy is breast feedin ok for a two year old but not a bottle? They like the comfort.

I really think any decisions about the feeding and milk business should come from the parent.

I can see that you are trying to 'bring hime along' a little bit, but I think it should all be cleared with parent first.

I didnt say it wasnt ok, in fact it was that oint made to me that me reevaluate my thoughts on the situation, but people dont read the whole post....

The bottle was obviously a bigger issue to you as you chose to put that as your op rather than the fact that the poor little sod hasn't been taught to eat properly. Maybe you ought to look at your priorities, if that's the worst bit about the situation. If he was eating baby food and carrying round a ragged bear would you be on here moaning about the bear? No, of course not. Totally two different issues with this child, interesting to note which one you flagged up.

oh carry on judging away.

my dd was still spoonfed way past the age of 2. she would sit there passively waiting for the food. she wasn't that great about chewing either.

bottles I did try to have a blitz on, and removed them when she was 1 (she was able to drink form a cup). this led to her refusing to drink at all for over a month (during a heatwave!), and the knock on effect has been that she has had drinking issues all her life (she is now 6, and still doesn't drink enough).

you see, dd is ASD.

she would not have ed herself for anything, and if I could only turn back the clock so that we didn't have the drinking issues we now have, well, i'd do anything tbh.

it isn't always about wanting to keep a child a baby, or dependent. I would dearly love for dd1 to be more independent, but if I had insisted when she was younger, she would have gone without food, as she did without drink, rather than feed herself.

being extremely passive, not chewing well - these are things that would be raising red flags with me, in a child of 2.